|Reviews for Vampire Theory|
| Shade chapter 1 . 4/10/2012
i liked your book, its awesome dislike that she wentr with one of the twins alone.
| SNOWBITCH2 chapter 23 . 4/4/2010
aw! thats wonderful u'll do great well ill check it out n good luck dont fret dem writers r tough cookie u just gotta inbrace it 1 step at a time k well ttyl n dont forget about use folks updatge on how ur doin n stuff k :) ttyl good luck b brave
| NexusCRStorm chapter 22 . 2/25/2010
First off, it's a good story...probably...no scratch that...one of the better ones i have come across on this site..and i dare say a rival to some of the "short stories" i have read on this genre that have been published (believe it or not..there has been a lot of them).
Now...Good things - Your characters are unique and have a little bit of a back story to each of them. Your writing style is also pretty good, although i will say that perhaps a little bit more scene in certain scenes wouldn't go amiss.
I like that you have also built your own lore for the genre..something that will definitely help your story to stand out. Re-using the same lore seems to have made the genre somewhat stale and decadent...
Bad things -scene setting in certain area's. Such as if a person was running, how did their clothes, or hair react, noise of anything under foot...If it was raining...any sound that it made...You don't need to go to Tolkeins level and spend 2 chapters describing how a blade of grass moved in a midnight breeze(an exageration) but more scene setting would be good.
Everything else that i could find is more to do with my own personal tastes in the genre..So i'll keep the rest to myself! :)
Good luck with future projects
| Ms. Poe chapter 23 . 2/8/2010
Dude, you can't even imagine how hard I have been trying to find this story again - and now imagine my surprise when I finally found it to see that it's going to be PUBLISHED! :D
Of course, I wouldn't blame you if you're currently wondering who on Earth this strange girl reviewing your story is, since my last review was almost a year ago and I was going under the pen name "Livvy Scorpio" then, or something like that. I just sort of lost track of it, what with reading other stories and writing my own and all the other crap that can keep a teenage book-lover busy ... and I think it must have just mysteriously disappeared from my favorite/alert lists or something, because I can't imagine why I would have actually DELETED it. :/
But I will certainly be buying it when it's published. My God, I am so happy for you. A very lucky and brave person you must be (my goal is to get a book of my own published by the end of summer, but the idea of trying still pretty much scares the hell out of me). Although I would suggest that you consider taking it off the site, because I think you're much more likely to get people to buy your book when they can't already read it on the Internet.
Oh. I apologize for the super-long review, darling. :o I shall stop wasting your time now ...
| Norge chapter 22 . 12/13/2009
I've had this favourited for a while now and I'm pretty glad I finally got round to reading it.
I'm very curious about what's going to happen between Em and Luke, she better open herself up soon and admit she likes him! Well, in due time I guess she will?
I loved that my theory of them being twins turned out correct, I was reading it and just thinking 'I bet they're twins'. I jump to a lot of conclusions..
I hope the next part of this story doesn't take too long to write because I'm interested in seeing Miranda's reaction to finding out about Andy, if she does that is.
Anyway, I'm sorry it's taken so long to read but better late than never eh? I really loved it and can't wait to find out what happens next!
| xximinluvxx chapter 22 . 11/11/2009
i really really really like this...
| Stahlut chapter 22 . 11/10/2009
wow that was really good. The ending just left me wanting to know more, see what happens. Obviously things are going to get bigger in the next one, and that has me waiting on the edge of my seat for it lol. I think you did a really good job of making vampires different in this story, while still keeping it believable and not weird or illogical, like certain text which I don't feel the need to mention. So good job.
| Dhalian chapter 22 . 11/9/2009
Is Emmy ever going to get turned? Why is this called tales of an unwilling vampiress if the only vampiress isn't even around anymore?
| readingismything chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
Hey...i read the whole story and i can say that it kept me hooked and interested the whole time. i wanted to read more and more. just a suggestion - maybe later you can give a little pov from the bad twin's side, y'know just so the readers get to know him more.
i can't wait for the next update!
| Charlee Rayne chapter 16 . 10/18/2009
OH MY GOD! GO AFTER HER!
| SNOWBITCH2 chapter 21 . 10/9/2009
omg! yah spanglish is right i love spanish im obsessed i love it n the music is so perfecto ur goin muy buen i love ur work but im so behind in al,l my stuff i havent been on in a while so yah neway g2g ttyl Te Quiero chow ) good luck n good health ttyl
| sunshinernnr chapter 21 . 9/30/2009
I read the story last night (while a bit tired, so I'm not 100% sure on my feedback). First off, shame on you for getting me to read a horror story under the guise of a romance! I was seriously paranoid going to sleep!
I really like your writing style and definitely think it's worth continuing on with the story. That said, I do have some confusions/criticisms, some of which may be based on my lack of vampire expertise.
1) How does one kill a vampire? They managed to kill Silvia with multiple gunshots, but that's not usually a legit way to kill a vamp, I thought. Also, was she actually a vampire at that point?
a) Why did Miranda not die or become a vampire? Why did Silvia become a vampire? Why did all the other girls die? It seems like the story needs to explain why each case was different.
b) "Vampires, unlike the folk lore derivation, do not pass on their “curse” by a simple bite, and/or transmission of infected blood." I interpreted that sentence to mean that vampires could not turn other vampires through biting, so I was confused at Silvia's conversion to vampirism.
a) How can the user tell which Alan was good and which was Rhys? I had a REALLY hard time telling, even though I suspected early on that they were two different people. They just aren't different enough, in my opinion. I guess you mean for the smirky Alan to be Rhys, and the staring one to be Alan? Anyway, maybe emphasize their differences a little bit more. Or have a tell that they can't control, make one a lefty and the other a righty or something (I think the lefty/righty thing is common in identical twins).
b) I hope there is a really good explanation for why they have to pretend to be one person! (And it seems that this one person would be named "Rhys" since he is the dominant one)
c) Wouldn't they have different cell phone numbers since they have different phones? If someone is getting a call from "Alan", I don't see how it could be ambiguous who it's really from, since Rhys couldn't be walking around with a phone that has Alan's number. Also, shouldn't Alan and Rhys have each other listed in their phones as "Alan" or "Rhys" rather than both "Alan"? And if they are trying to pretend to be one person why would they have different phones? Possible solution: make them distinguishable by their behavior more than by their cell phones.
d) Shouldn't Emmy be looking for evidence of construction when she goes to Alan's house?
4) You intersperse truly terrible scenes with a sort of under-reaction from the characters. For instance, that guts scene & the blood note were truly horrifying, so why didn't Emmy try to keep Miranda apart from Alan instead of just accompanying her. I don't really believe anybody could experience that and NOT share it, no matter how distracted they are about relationship issues. And why aren't the deaths a BIGGER deal in the town? I feel that normally a death would be followed by extensive interviewing by police and offers of counseling at school. Multiple deaths would have lots of newspaper/news follow up and police/popular opinion would attribute the deaths to a serial killer. There would be a ton more fear! (And Emmy's friend from gymnastics would have connected the whole blood/guts on car to the serial kills and missing girls.)
5) I think you are doing Miranda's character a disservice by making her smart enough to pick up many things but somehow too dumb to notice anything odd about her bf and best friends. I think it'd be cool to give her a little more depth, and maybe even include her in the know about the vampires.
Anyway, sorry that there's so much criticism. I hope it is constructive, and if you disagree then please trust your instincts, rather than my review. I definitely like your writing style and I'm excited for more romance with Luke.
| Stahlut chapter 21 . 9/29/2009
God! I am so sorry that I didn't review this sooner, see I was ahving the same problem that you were, with fiction press not emailing me, so I had no idea that you had updated at all. Until I fixed that problem and got an email today lol. Now I am really really happy, and so excited that they finally kissed, even though I do like Alan lol. I can only imagine what Rhys is going to so next, especially if they are right and he does want to keep them quiet. It's all so exciting and I just love it. Good job!
| SNOWBITCH2 chapter 20 . 9/25/2009
OMG! i loved ur work it is so perfecto muy bueno i cant stop reading it its so good n everything was so great in ch.18 so no worrys i loved it but idk bout others but i sure loved it srry about the fp ishue but i havent been on latley im just lookin back to my writers lately. ) so good luck ngood health n love ur work ttyl g2g so yah ttyl )VAMPIR3 CHICA
| impressed chapter 20 . 9/14/2009
this was amazing. and you are so cruel! that was possibly the worst cliffhanger i've ever encountered! i mean, near-death scenes i can handle, but the timeless, long anticipated love scene between our two central characters? agaonizing! :)
thanks for the update!