|Reviews for Rogue Tales: Doc Viscera and the Hospital Heist|
| Mr. Aek chapter 1 . 2/21/2009
Lol, wow - I think I killed the story in my beta attempt, sure as hell hope it helps you out a ton. We don't need all the reviews saying "its perfect" right? those are the people just to lazy to point out errors ;)
| Katy Lynn chapter 2 . 2/19/2009
First of all, I just thought I'd say that I love your story plot.
It's definitely different from most stories that I've seen, and that's a good thing. I commend you on your imagination.
This story caught my attention immediately.
I love your style of writing; it flows nicely, and not once did it falter or cease to hold my interest.
I also love your descriptions; they made me see exactly what the character was seeing, and that makes for a good story.
You're descriptive, but at the same time, you're not overtly descriptive. You seem to have found that perfect balance.
I honestly saw absolutely nothing to critique in this story... not even a single little typo.
Great, great job!
| Kinderwhore chapter 1 . 2/17/2009
"...looking for all the world like he wished merely for an excuse to remove someone from it." -I snorted at this line; the humour is so dark, and the word play was well executed.
What I also liked was the formal tone of this piece; it's third-person, but so many of Doc's thoughts worm their way into the text that it actually reads as first, and that provides readers a real insight into his character.
The only criticism I have would be that you take the time to go back and proof-read it, as there was some dialogue, especially at the beginning, where you forgot to punctuate before closing the tag. There were also parts of the text which to me sounded a little clumsy, such as "being a destructive distraction" and "face saturated with makeup".
Also, it's more usual to write out numbers fully rather than use the numerals, eg. "fourth floor" instead of 4th floor, "thirteenth" instead of 13th, etc.
One more thing; when you typed "exfiltrating" did you mean "infiltrating"?
| T.J. Kroyer chapter 1 . 2/17/2009
I turly like it so far. But why do you use only single quotations(') for speech instead of double(")?
| improvisationallychallenged chapter 1 . 2/6/2009
I saw the title for this in the review game, and couldn't resist a look, even though it wasn't the one up next for review...
This was a great read. It came across as wonderfully cynical - the descriptions of the characters at their introduction was spot on in the amount and types of description used, and you have some really wonderful names conjured up in there. I particularly loved the comment on Lichtenstein's henchman "looking for all the world like he wished merely for an excuse to remove someone from it" - that made me laugh out loud.
The only (extremely mild) criticism I could have is the dialogue. It seems a little fussy at times, and especially in the description of the master plan, seems a little over-complex. I had to go over it quite a few times (should probably mention I'm dyslexic, so it could just be me...) to understand what it meant.
Also, a small suggestion - have you thought about writing this in first person? Because I've only seen the first chapter, I don't know exactly what you're trying stylistically, but the inner-thought's of Doc Viscera are wonderful - it really gives you an insight to an analytical, over-thinking mind - but the constant switch between his thoughts and normal, third person prose are a little bit jarring. It still works though.
Definitely hope to be reading more of this soon.