|Reviews for The Boy who Saved the Lobster's Tale|
| lookingwest chapter 2 . 8/26/2010
However, it was already too late. ...
-Style Edit: "It was, however, already too late..."
Oh man, yeah, Sarah drives me nuts already :/ I figured as such though, these sort of stories always have some sort of catch. I'm glad, however, that it wasn't Rob who is the selfish one, and that he actually was just very simple with his request, and wanted to be happy, obviously living in a crappy apartment was bothering him to the most extreme. I sympathize with poor Rob, I think, so all's good and intended on the character end, I think.
The setting was really shinning in this chapter, XD, you took great care to describe it very well, and I liked the various names you gave it, like "swank" and all that-reminds me of the different ways you described the lobster too, like "sea-beast", that sort of thing. I visualized the apartment well, and I love how you kept it in the same location as their last apartment, XD, it just seems so fun, that only theirs should be totally awesome, haha.
I liked where you're taking the story, and the dialogue between Sarah and him, it started off so nice content wise and then got worse and worse on Sarah's part-she's so annoying, but it's clear that she's characterized that way for a purpose, I suspect she'll be all very obsessed to find this lobster again and wish for one million dollars or something-probably more than that, XD. I know it's been about a century since you've updated, but I'd be interested in reading more to see where you would take this! Also, I've never heard this Grimm story before either, so you're right about it being one of the less popular. I think it's pretty unique so far, and I also like the modern setting, which I'm willing to bet the original lacked, haha.
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 8/26/2010
You know, as I'm reading this, I'm thinking maybe if you ever come back to re-write, you could have the American who chooses the hellish lobster, to actually continue standing there to watch Rob retrieve it from the tank, that might put on some pressure, and also prevent me going, 'well, if I were him, I'd just pick a different one'-then again, would the American notice the lobster was different from the one he chose? That thought just sort of popped up while I was reading, XD. It's just a suggestion though, nothing necessary.
XD, you've very well managed to have me laughing pretty much the whole way through this ear scene. That was hilarious, hahaha. Well written, well written, I love how easily you go through the process of what decision to make about how to dislodge it, and then I loved the sentence "For a moment, Rob actually wondered..." the image was just, boom, there, and hilarious.
I like the description of the lobster's voice, that was well done, I could really get a sense of it, and it fit a lobster quite well!
Quickly, he scooped the creature up...
-Style Edit: "Quickly, he scooped up the creature..."
Overall, besides that style edit, it was really quite well written! I like it a lot, Austen, haha, it was fun and quirky and simple too, like fairy tales usually are, simple in the best way-not over complicated with character desires unless it contributes to the tale, I've always liked that aspect about stories like this, and you fulfill it well, every scene had a purpose and nothing was out of place. It all came together rather nicely! Now I gotta find out what happens...
| Dahlia Wolffe chapter 1 . 4/11/2010
Well, I had to give this one a look see. Just looked like it was good for too many laughs. :)
He had never lived anywhere else, to be truthful, neither had his parents, or his grandparents, but it was a fair guess that nowhere else in the country could be as bad as the damp stained, mould ridden, flat Rob lived in with his girlfriend.
This sentence seemed to be a run on. Maybe just divided into two... I couldn't help coming across a couple more like this, since i know you wanted to edit anyway.
As he was an extremely greedy man, he picked the biggest brute of a beast he could see, a monster of a crustacean.
The imagery of this sentence made me laugh. Great!
I can't help feeling sorry for Rob when the lobster grabbed him. I'd probably just scream like a crazy woman and not be able to help it. XD
All in all, this was a very enjoyable read. We get to see a full range of emotions from Rob, all the trauma the poor giy goes through, coupled with the hilarity of a talking lobster who grants wishes. Wonder where this leads, and again, good work on another promising fic!
| Anise Cary chapter 1 . 3/29/2010
It was a place to visit, not to live - I really like this line
That part of the job Rob hated, and many a time he came home with claw clamped fingers, and red, raw pinches from the chinks in the shells. - OW, great image here
launched itself to fix one massive claw firmly onto Rob's right ear. - OMG ow ow ow, ok I'm reading this while my kids are reading silently and I nearly yelped out loud reading this line.
It repeated again and again, all the while its vice like grip getting tighter and tighter around Rob's bruised, squished, and possibly bleeding ear. - ok really cringing here, just waiting for Rob's ear to be cut in half
There was his ear, free of any bruising and claw-marks, with only a drying trickle of blood creeping down his cheek to suggest anything had ever been wrong. - cool, that's one magic lobster
Rob felt incredibly conspicuous - um yeah I think I would too
and then seemed to nod its neck-less head. - now that's an interesting image
part of him sincerely hoped that this would be his first, and last encounter with the talking, gargantuan lobster. - and why do I think it won't be?
I know I've read the fisherman's tale but it's been a long time. I may have to reread it now. I really like what you've done here so far.
| SuzannaR chapter 1 . 4/9/2009
This was so cute and fun to read.
I like how you're putting a modern twist on the Fisherman's tale! I like too that you're using humour in this! lol the line "You are not the quickest of mind, are you?’" cracked me up :)
Found a few typos:
"scuttling two and fro"
"with gritted his teeth"
Good job :)
| DragonCeres chapter 2 . 4/9/2009
about Sarah being a lazy-ass, maybe you should say that in the first chap? because u made it sound like they were both hard-working. (at least that's how i felt).
anyway, i'm really interested in reading the next chap. i wonder what Rob's next wish will be. maybe change Sarah into someone that's less greedy and easy to deal with? lol that would solve most of his problems.
and i have actually never read the Grimms' tale, at least not this one. so i've got nothing to compare it with lol
good job. i didn't really notice any mistakes.
| rainhailsnow chapter 1 . 3/14/2009
lol! i really enjoyed how creative your story is. I mean a talking lobster, especially one that talks so regally and with a 'you'll never understand it, boy' kind of tone. I found it quite amusing watching the interaction between rob and the lobster - very much like a grown-up talking down to a child although rob seems to be an adult already.
i mean i know fairy tales are meant to be exactly that but...i'm just thinking that if the lobster is so...powerful? then why did he need rob to set him free? haha anyway...
okay so one thing that kind of distracted me from the story was the way you portrayed how rob and his girlfriend were trying to save money. The phrasing in that paragraph felt a little awkward and stilted for me and i think there were commas where they weren't necessary?
e.g. 'damp stained, mould ridden, flat Rob lived' should be 'damp, stained, mould ridden flat Rob lived'
but all in all ) very funny...i couldn't really find anything so i was being picky .
| mizu no kokoro chapter 1 . 3/4/2009
reminds me of those story books i used to read when i was younger, makes me feel nostalgic. a genie granting wishes, only it's a lobster. XD
"He had never lived anywhere else, to be truthful, neither had his parents, or his grandparents, but it was a fair guess that nowhere else in the country could be as bad as the damp stained, mould ridden, flat Rob lived in with his girlfriend."
| criti-sized chapter 1 . 2/9/2009
This was really interesting. I like how you took the idea of the fisherman story and changed it into a lobster, lol. This is a very good piece- well, what's written of it so far. What was the most interesting was the lobster, hands down. The way that you displayed its character and idea was really nice.
| Carus chapter 1 . 2/7/2009
I really really love the way you've developed the character of the lobster. It sounds strange, but it was very believable for me to read about a talking lobster...thing. Haha :)
I also thought that the character of Rob was well-written, although to me he seemed quite simple. But still, great work on the characterisation there. I think that because he was pretty simple, he was also easy to relate to. And easy to giggle at ;p
I felt that the 'aging American' could do with more development character-wise. All he does is pick out the lobster - maybe you could include a sentence or two about his reaction to all the commotion?
I felt that the opening couple of sentences were too long. I think that if you used less commas, it would improve the beginning and make the reader want to read more. I like the typical 'Once upon a time' start, though, even if it is cliched ;)
I also like the way you introduced the main character immediately. It sets the tone/scene well too.
I like your portrayal of the relationship between Rob and his boss. I think it was fairly accurate in a description of a waiter/boss relationship, haha. It also added (more) humour to the story, which is always a plus :)
The relationship between Rob and the lobster was brilliantly written :P I love the impatience of the lobster coupled with Rob's uncertainty at the end.
I felt that some of the descriptions used here really stood out. For example, "peering into his face with its stalked black eyes." worked for me because of the great imagery it provoked. Also, the description of the flat was good too. (Though there was a grammatical error, I think... "country could be as bad as the damp stained, mould ridden, flat Rob lived in with his girlfriend." It doesn't need a comma after 'ridden').
I think that the best dialogue by far in this is the lobster's. It just seems to fit his character so well, and the way you introduced its 'rough, raspy little voice' was brilliant! I could almost hear the lobster's voice becoming clearer and stronger in my mind.
The boss' dialogue is also very fitting for his character. The way he's not really concerned about Rob's health, just the welfare of his customers, comes across really well with the vocabulary and tone that you've used.
All in all, you have nothing to worry about with the dialogue. It all flowed really well with the rest of the text.
At first I was sceptical about this story, because of the fairytale aspect of it (and also the first paragraph put me off slightly, haha). But as I read on, I found myself really enjoying it. Great job, keep writing :)
| trolley wood chapter 1 . 2/6/2009
To be honest, your style of writing isn't one I usually gravitate towards. I find that these timeless revamps usually leave the original tale a little dry, but you have a very fluid way of joining your ideas together. Like fop huntress said, your word choice is extremely wise.
Pleasantly surprised, I think would be the best way I can explain my current reaction. I like this a lot. Favourited.
| The Tragedian chapter 1 . 2/6/2009
The syntax and diction are smooth and the descriptions are great, but you want to work on the dialogue, it's a bit choppy and forced.
| idontwannapopuponsearchengines chapter 1 . 2/6/2009
Ooh, I love these "fairytale spin-off" things, or re-write or whatever. The fact that it's a freaking lobster out of all things cracks me up.
I do suggest you use quotation marks when someone's speaking instead of apostrophes(sp?).
Geez...even if he was just hallucinating, nothing bad can come from just wishing...he shouldn't have hesitated so much.
Why would he want it to be his LAST encounter? Stupid boy-it's a wish-granting lobster, don't you wantit to grant you more wishes?
Good job though. Very well done.
| angels know the rest chapter 1 . 2/6/2009
I've never read the original fisherman's tale, so I don't know how much was from the story and how much you changed, but I really liked what I saw. The title definately caught my eye - I didn't know what to expect going into it, and that was one thing I liked about it. I also loved the way you described things; I can just see the lobster "clicking its joints in irritation." The description of the lobster laughing was also very good. I'm adding this to my Alert list, so update soon!