|Reviews for It Feels Real|
| Duckies chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
This was really heart wrenching. I've read it so many times now, and it still gets me every time.
I love your descriptions, they're so easy to visualise, and they add to the tone of the poem beautifully.
The short lines in contrast with the longer ones emphasise her thoughts and emotions as she gets ready to jump, and I loved how you expressed her changing mind with the lines "Deep breath. I can do this. Deep sigh. I can't do this"
I also love the song you picked, it fits perfectly (and it's one of my favourites :D)
I don't like that she dies, and I really want to know why she chose to suicide, but obviously you can't change the fact that she does, otherwise it wouldn't be the poem that it is. (Does that make sense? Sorry if I'm rambling)
The ending was perfect, it worked so well, and the abruptness really hit home.
Fav, great work!
(Review Marathon - link in profile)
| VelvetyCheerio chapter 1 . 4/2/2009
O_O... Okay, Beatles, I will give you this EF review...
Uhm, well, I liked how it flowed. The wording felt somehow frantic with panic, but as soon as the character turned on the music, it all sort of slowed down, then picked up pace as she went about falling. That was actually very nice. :D
Yeah, I didn't like the plot. I'm just going to go right out and say it. :P It was a little jarring to the soul, but also, I kept going in my mind, "Why? Why is she committing suicide?" That wasn't very clear to me.
Good story, though. Terribly sad, but an excellent piece of work. :)
| Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 2/27/2009
((the link on your profile to the song isn't working))
"One teeny[,] tiny, little step."
I think. I am not a master with commas.
I didn't like the "Oh God" parts. It feels juvenile and makes me somewhat unable to take this person's grief seriously.
"The ground is rushing towards me"
I like this line, it's a unique way of putting it :)
Ending was nice too - a satisfying conclusion to the previous mentioned hollowness.
However, as a whole, I was mostly indifferent toward the piece. It felt very distant, I think that was why. I don't know who, what, why. Everything is too vague to appreciate, but that is the style you chose, so I don't really know what to suggest.
| Lime-Cat chapter 1 . 2/15/2009
Yo Beatles! This review is brought to you by BWB's game thread. Lime messed up in text-based telephony. D:
Even without needing to hear the music in the background to accompany this poem, the poem has it's own music. And it's quite beautiful. Like the song, this poem is played on a minor key, giving it that sad and beautiful tone.
I could really feel the raw emotion in this play out as if I were playing a sad tune on the piano. I feel that you also have imagery within imagery in here: the overall image of someone dancing and singing to the "musical notes" (read words) on the page in addition to the imagery that you describe in the poem itself. I find it absolutely stunning and I'm at a loss for words. This is a very touching piece.
The ending really caught me off-guard - another love of this poem. I like how it unexpectedly cuts off while I'm immersed in the beauty of the words, image and melody of the poem because it works well for this piece (in a twisted way).
This has been faved! :D
| Galadriel1010 chapter 1 . 2/8/2009
Well that's one piece I won't be able to listen to for a while. It's a gorgrous piece, and goes beautifully with the composition of the story. I can see it so clearly, and the tinkling little pianoness...
| PacificBlue chapter 1 . 2/8/2009
This story did make me cry, i must admit. It was so beautifully written, I read it twice. I love the way it just seems to flow, and keeps flowing, until the end. I don't even see anything to point and say, 'fix this' at.
I loved it:]
| Dot Cubed chapter 1 . 2/7/2009
This was a very emotional piece.
I really like the short sentences. They're quick and to the point, and in my opinion, really enhance what you're writing. Although it was pretty devastating to read, the short sentences really drew me in and kept me in.
That said, I loved the emotions in this. I felt like I could really feel the pain your character was experiencing. The ending, with the cut off, nearly made me cry.
And for some reason, I really enjoying the beginning line. Probably because it's short; you just want to know what she's doing that's not going to require effort, and then when you realize what it is, it's devastating.
| trolley wood chapter 1 . 2/7/2009
I always love reading to a set piece, it gives the story so much support and depth and release. Clair de Lune is one of my favourites.
You attempted to find the clear distinction between the fake and the authentic (relationships in life? mainstream vs classic vs indie in music?) and I think that's a theme a lot of us struggle with on a daily basis. The setting is also well described, with it having all the potential to be beautiful, but its lack of content keeps it from being so.
I know with these things that the meaning can get lost in translation easily, (and can be interperated differently from person to person,) but to me it sends the message of grasping for realism, and that the true values in life are intangible.
| Shelly McCoy chapter 1 . 2/7/2009
I love the layers to it. The piece itself is so short but I really felt the emotions on the part of the narrator. Unfortunately I couldn't listen to the song at the same time but I'll come back soon. I love the description as they fall. It's brief, but it really gives the impression of human thought.