Reviews for Christmas in Las Vegas
PoetryQueen chapter 1 . 8/19/2009
Funny, but a little weird. There were a few grammaratical errors.
ranDUMM chapter 1 . 8/11/2009
Hey,

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Even though I'm totally with the spirit of christmas and stuff, that made me LAUGH! HYE-larious! One pointer:

Little did he know, that stop to a neighborhood in Las Vegas would be his last although memorable as well.

It would've made a lot more impact if you hadn't added in the 'although memorable as well'.

Anyhoodle, great job! :D

ranDUMM
Me-Patch chapter 1 . 2/11/2009
What happens in vegas stays in vegas. Poor fat bastard.
The Jab chapter 1 . 2/10/2009
You have a lot of editing to do on this. I wouldn't have even posted it.

1. "kids from below watches in amazement" Kids is plural therefore the verb should not have an 's' on the end. It'd be the "kids from below watch in amazement".

2. "For every good children" When you say every you're singling one out, therefore it is singular. "For every good child" would be correct.

3. At the end of the first paragraph you are way too redundant with the word 'stop'. You use it three times in two sentences.

4. "he reach into the bag" The subject is singular. The verb should have an 's'. Opposite issue from #1. "he reaches into the bag"

5. " surprise as he believe " Once again. It should be 'believes'.

6. "he have no time" Should be 'he has no time'. Have is for plural.

7. You switch constantly from past to present tense. You need to decide on one and stick with it. Especially since you switch in the middle of a sentence: he does the next best thing, he dove right through the window. 'Does' is present. 'Dove' is past.

I can't go on. There's probably more mistakes like this. I suggest you do quite a few proofreads. I can't help but to wonder if you even tried on this. Don't think that humor writing shouldn't be taken seriously. I may look at some of your other stuff, but right now I must be off to class.

Happy 'Writing',

The Jab