Reviews for Pretending to Forget
Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 1 . 5/1/2009
This is really sweet and original you take a normal everyday object and load it with meaning. The tone was wistful, conversational and the use of brackets did wonders here. Even though this was a one-shot, I'd love to hear Cam's view on this relationship.

Sakina x
GoneAndDeleted chapter 1 . 4/11/2009
I like the use of toothpaste to permanence because it's a different kind of comparison I never read 's also refreshing because it's not a breakup,makeup cliche but it's only thing that looks slightly wrong is some run on sentences?

"I think of possibility, I think of two years in which I could see myself marrying him, and then I think of the toothbrush and the one year in which marrying him seemed so claustrophobic that I had to get out."
Steven Shevill chapter 1 . 4/11/2009
I really enjoyed this piece. It's a sad, yet somehow charming, story of a girl not quite over a guy, and I really liked the way you portrayed her feelings. I could totally relate. Especially about the toothbrush. Such a little thing, but still. It's the little things that always get us in relationships, right?

The narrative is quick and believable. The writing style itself helped. The whole stream of consciousness technique was very effective with this story.

I felt the ending was perfect, by the way.

Kudos and good luck,

Steve :)
FirstBloom13 chapter 1 . 3/31/2009
heey it's sakura, rg-ing you :)

for a story that's basically a monologue with no dialogue, it was surprisingly interesting. it held my attention from start to finish, and it almost felt like dialogue would have slowed it down and hampered the flow. nice decision with that.

it was concise and a very nice length... a story like this could easily become overlong and drag along, but the length it was seemed fitting to the mood and topic of the story, as though it was a story the MC didn't really want to tell, but was anyway, and wanted to get it over with. I kept interested and wasn't overwhelmed by all the narration.

my main problem with the story was the lack of emotion, and as romance stories about breakups are usually tearsodden and emotional, that kinda jarred the mood. you put everything else in there; nice little examples of individual things that annoyed her, still talking to his sister, etc. but the real emotion wasn't there, and that made it kind of expressionless.

the forth paragraph was really nice, (So sometimes, I miss him, and occasionally, I wonder if he misses me too... etc) but the ending sentence (Sometimes I feel like I taught him how to live, and it was exhausting.) made it seem like you were going to elaborate and go into more detail about this guy... but then you went on to talk about his sister. that sorta threw me for a loop, and I think if you had gone on to tell us more detail about Cam, we would have been able to relate more with the story.

all in all it was really good :)
AEJ325 chapter 1 . 3/28/2009
Ugh.

Stupid Valentine's day.

Bahh.

Lol, so yeah I really liked the feeling of your story. I could really feel the emotions of your character.

The paragraphs were a little long, which can be hard on reader's eyes.

Though, this really doesn't have much to do with your writing, more so of "how you place your writing" yet readers (seeing as I do it too sometimes) can be pushed away by the big clumps of words...

Right.

Well, nice all the same.
Thousand Writer chapter 1 . 3/26/2009
Review Game )

This has left me with quite a bittersweet taste in my mind, and I like it because of that. It wasn't a "Ugh! I hate you!" type story, but a "I wish that on this one day, I could leave the thought of him alone." type, which I feel is common among many single people (including myself).

There's only one thing I disliked though; you didn't incorporate some dialog of that last conversation between Jessie and Cam. That would've added a nice dimension to the story overall by seeing Cam's personality through the conversation.

All in all, you did a great job )
Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 3/22/2009
I think this is so cute! I love the emphasis you put on the toothbrush. It's one of those things that people actually think about sometimes. I like the silliness and exaggeration of it. ;)

The beginning and ending are nice. In the way that, they both mention the same thing -about Valentine's- and it just unites the main theme of the piece. The point of it. Because one-shots can get kind of scatter-brained occasionally.

Great job!

-Katie, from the Review Marathon (link's in the profile!)
mikey magee chapter 1 . 3/21/2009
I love the premise. It's something that many people can relate to. I also loved the way the protagonist was thinking about ex-boyfriend. The emotions seemed true to life.

The only thing I think you should work on is the "showing and not telling". While the emotions were real I couldn't really feel them. Instead of just saying "The conversation was awkward" show it. Put us in the scene so we can feel the emotions.

I did like the ending. It had a nice effect of closure and the symbolism of the toothbrush was very creative.

Well Done. Keep Writing.
D.C. Holmes chapter 1 . 3/19/2009
First off: I like this. :]

The plot is straight-forward and sweet, in an odd "I went out of my way to fall apart from someone" kind of way. I like the use of the toothbrush as a symbol. I like how in only 10 words you gave more than just one picture; you gave an entire relationship. (Even stuff not explicitly mentioned can be picked up, like the dynamic between them.) The only thing is this entire piece that bugged me was the first sentence. I think the commas after "head" and "Day" slow down an otherwise wonderful sentence.
brittle hearts chapter 1 . 3/3/2009
I like how the long sentences make us (the readers) feel that we're really in the main character's head. Bittersweet but also slightly humorous because of the subject chosen - that is, the toothbrush, which really makes it closer to the heart. Lovely piece of work.
All Good Things chapter 1 . 3/1/2009
I like this. I don't usually read oneshots but this is sweet, in a kind of bitter-sweet way.

I think the voice of the speaker comes through really clearly, the way her tone is kind of sad and resigned, which is impressive given how short the piece is.

I also really like the analogy of the toothbrush; it's different but it makes perfect sense. Good job! :D
Sugarloafin chapter 1 . 2/19/2009
Short but sweet! I like the brevity of this. Everything that is said is important, but at the same time there is nothing left out. There's just enough of the story to understand what's going on, and just enough that isn't said so that the rest is filled in by imagination. The pacing is fine and everything flows well.

The last paragraph, however, feels a little flat after the wealth of feeling in the rest of the piece. It works as a short ending, but isn't really a wrap up for all the emotions running through the rest of the story. It makes the ending seem rather abrupt.

On the whole I really enjoyed reading this, and especially liked the imagery of the toothbrushes as a symbol for permanence. By the way, some of the best writing can happen at 1:30 in the morning :)
GrannyP chapter 1 . 2/12/2009
Hey, a new story from you! A shorty one at that! Watch me while I read this. No staring though.

Hmm... this review is boring, as all I am doing is reading and not really commenting on anything. Give me a moment.

OMG! I totally have an old shirt that belonged to an ex guy. No, wait, it wasn't HIS his, he just bought it for me for my birthday, and I have no idea why I kept it... but, like, it's like, really comfortable! I don't want to throw it out, even though it reminds me of him and I wish it didn't because I don't miss it at all, and now I'm just rambling about nothing so I will shut up.

Tsk tsk.. should have kept your toothbrush in the drawer so it wouldn't get bathroom germs on it (my personal fear and the reason why my toothbrush is never out for everyone to see). Then you (not YOU you, just the main character that I am talking to) wouldn't have to see your toothbrush and think about the guy on valentine's day. That is all.

v cute!
concerto49 chapter 1 . 2/11/2009
There's a sense of uncertainity throughout the story, which backs up why they split up. Everything came out slowly and it eventually brings out the little tidbits that caused their separation. Perhaps it lacks ordered, but the messy feel gives it the realism as to if they should have been together. Having said that - it does jump back and forth between the same events, making it a little jumpy.

The toothbrush was a rather interesting symbol - typical every day stuff, but you give it attention and that little stuff can matter. You give it personality and more weight than most people would have imagined, which gives it a different and stronger point of existence.
Written chapter 1 . 2/10/2009
so, tiro might never get fixed, but I just wanted to say CONGRATS! I'm so glad that you won, because you totally deserved it. I'm officially? no longer a judge there, btw. although georgie hasn't responded to my email but whatevs.

okay so this piece was awesome, but it made me all sad. it reminded me of situations, even if they weren't at all similar, that I've had, and the people you grow apart from to the point where yeah, you do think of them and remember them, but you can't really text them and tell them because hey, whats the point, right? its over. but its like... not.

anyway, that was the feel I got from this piece. i'm glad I popped over here! I should start using author alerts, I really should.

oh yeah, so what I was saying was that this has the mood to it and it feels really... real. good vday piece.
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