|Reviews for Gem|
| elf-eyes chapter 2 . 2/28/2009
Aiden really seems like someone to keep an eye on. Sure he's ambitous for his daughter to reach a high position. That's understandable. However, how far is he willing to go? Treason? Murder? Oh, is the cloaked man, I think it's a man, her father? Or some realitive?
Ok, now for the inconsitancies.
'Lord Aiden of the grain' Shouldn't grain be capitalized? The same problem with 'Lady Giselle of deer'.
Oh, just wondering, why are some people 'of the' and others 'of'?
Sorry to mention this, but why is 'an Exiled prince' capitalized?
Oh, and 'change din that moment'? shouldn't it be 'changed in that moment'?
| elf-eyes chapter 1 . 2/25/2009
Ok. Not bad, but not the best either. The dialogue was good, but to much talking is a bad thing. Also, you never mentioned the main character's name. It may be a first person narative, but knowing a name is important. It aids in an understanding of the character.
Another thing, doesn't the main character agree a little too quickly. Why would she reveal her aunt's a witch, when she doesn't know the man well. Any normal person would have played dumb and acted like they didn't know. After all, why would a boy who lives in a desert state know anything about witches? Also she just takes his word for everything. Promise to become one of his advisors or not. How does she know he isn't some religous sico out to get rid of all wtiches?
Spelling mistakes are few, well only one I spoted. It's '...to me, this golden eyes blazing..." Wouldn't 'his golden eyes' work better?
Please update soon, because the plot line is really rather intersting.