That was a good song u should go on the voice

So I've been going through all your stories, looking for some good slash, and I found quite a bit! You're an awesome author. Definitely a pro at fluffy boy love. I was about to start looking elsewhere as I had finished with your amazing collection, but I realized that I didn't even leave a review for any of them. So I picked my favorite (this one) and decided to let you know what a fantastic writer you are. I'm also quite fond of the two letters between the boy and the boyfriend who cheated on him. That was some good angsty-but-with-a-happy-ending stuff.

Anyways, I hope you keep writing. I'm putting you on author alert so I'll be informed when your new awesome comes in.

Thanks for the amazing read! :D

"I lied."

I think that should be a literary device all on its own. It's great. xD

AWH! That was fucking adorable(: One of my fave slashes I've read so far. :D

I love this! :D These kind of stories are my favourite; the whole macho I'm-not-gay guy who actually IS gay and then the obvious gay dude and then them getting together xD This was such a cute story :)

Just so you know, you're special. I normally don't review stories under this pen name, but I'm making an exception. :D

At first, when I saw this story, I was a little dumbfounded. You named your character Patrick Chan – being the North American figure skater that I am, the associations with that name were obvious to me because Patrick Chan, the nineteen-year-old Canadian skater who won 5th place in Vancouver, happens to be one of my favourites. So, thanks. The real Patrick Chan’s face was in my mind as I read this story. ;)

I don’t know if the name-matching was coincidental or not, but if you haven’t heard of Patrick Chan, look him up. He’s adorable. If it wasn’t a coincidence? Well then! Careful with telling stories about celebrities, but that makes me wonder how much basis in reality this story has.

So which one was it? I’m curious, now!

Anyway, now for my actual review. There was a lot of plot crammed into a really little space in this story, it seemed, but you handled it pretty well nonetheless. This story didn’t move too fast, I just felt like there wasn’t enough substance there, you know? This might have made a better, maybe, three-shot story or something like that…chapter one leading up to Patrick getting kicked out, chapter two dealing with Patrick’s adjustment to living with the Carmillo’s and maybe James’ adjustment to having him there (plus a sub-plot of him realizing he’s gay – that definitely needed more development and screen time), then the last chapter dealing with the actual exposition of James and Patrick as lovers.

I enjoy your writing, though. You present your characters well and I like that you didn’t mess with narrative distance too much, because that keeps the pace and the flow of the story consistent and smooth. Oh, and super mega ginormous THANK YOU for writing in third person…it seems like every single story that is ever posted on Fictionpress is in first person, these days, and it’s refreshing to see an author give equal treatment to all main characters, for once. I didn’t very many find typos or grammatical errors at all, which was also appreciated…your beta-reader (or do you self-edit?) did very well.

Try to work on exposition a little more, though. You know that author’s note you included at the end to explain why Patrick’s parents kicked him out? You shouldn’t need to include that. Your story should explain that for itself, so maybe play around with the idea of giving more of a before-and-after view of what happened regarding Patrick’s eviction rather than just diving into it.

Oh, and on that note, your readers might want to know more about your characters. What makes them tick? I promise, it’s possible to fit that into a short story. I noticed the same trends I’ve mentioned in the second half of my review in The Inexplicable State of Being There (sorry for being a bitch and not reviewing that one — life gets in the way, you know?), as well, but like all authors, you’ll improve with time, which I know because I stalked your profile and read that you're sixteen.

(I'm seventeen, by the way, and I'm jealous of your dedication to writing)

You’re on my list, though. My list is the last page in my writing journal where I write down the names of Fictionpress authors I particularly enjoy. Being on my list is a good thing - it means I like your stories. :)

Hasta luego, chica!

-Atra

This was a good story... and then there was that line: "Then there was this third part, the one screaming STOP FIGHTING, ALREADY! No one, James noticed, ever talked about that third part in books."

Then it was a great story!

Aww that was cute :)

I swear, there are not enough gay asian character stories on here. Let alone hot ones ;P

So, as an asian, thank you :)

You played on the asian stereotype a little, but hey, sometimes it's hard not to. Like, I admit I play piano, but I completely suck at maths. And the whole kicking Patrick out because of his sexuality thing...well, my parents probably wouldn't do that, but I do know they would disapprove. Needless to say, they don't have any knowledge of my addiction to slash fics.

As for the story, I thought it was plain cute. I know a guy like James too, and I always wondered what it would be like if he turned out to be gay. So I had a James pictured in my mind. And I adored when James just started kissing Patrick. That was awesome. Oh, and denial's always fun to toy around with. I liked Cassie too. She's really sweet.

But now you have me wanting to read more...

this is just so sweet. And for some reason, i love it when people are in denial. it's just so cute!

So..this has been up for almost a month and I haven't read it until now. But...I'm glad that I did read it.

The scenes were short but the story overall, was adorable.

It sounds kind of weird to say, but I wish that some girl got kicked out of her house because she was gay and she she with my family.

Oh my god, that would fucking rock. xD

Keep up the great work!

- KC

Hell yeah, Asians!

There's barely any slash stories on this site about gay Asians, or Asians at all. So when I saw the title, I was pretty excited. I like the denial James has. I especially love the scene where he goes to Patrick's room and just watches him. Totally romantic, got me thinking about Asian dramas. To me, that's THE perfect scene.

The ending is kinda iffy, a little rushed to me. I think if James and Patrick spent more time together, it would all match up, but all in all I liked this story. And I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm Asian :P

I think this is pretty cute and yes, fluffy and harmless. Great job!

OH. EM. GE.

that was lovely. i mean.. like. yeah.

w/e. to tell you the truth, that was massively riddled with stereotypes.

not that that makes it bad. i'm just saying.

math&piano? ask any asian kid if they do that well. i dare you to.

my parents weren't very supportive. but whatever.

self-pity parties are NOT limited to one an hour though.

hehe. and situations like this HAVE happened.

i'm in california. i'd know. hehe.

i liked it. it's a little different from your other ones, but i liked it. well done!