|Reviews for Father|
| holihua29 chapter 1 . 2/2/2011
This poem is so beautiful and sincere... I almost cried with all the deep lines you wrote...
| Kyo-to-Key chapter 1 . 1/5/2011
Now my eyes fill with tears
but 'stead of crying,
I'll just whisper goodbye
before I break in pieces.
This line is so beautiful, I love it, and this whole poem.
| MagpieCat chapter 1 . 11/4/2010
i guess i'm like that with my dad too...
are you born in china?
some parts in the poem do not run smoothly, and maybe a grammatical error, but otherwise it's great.
| Emylie Giovanna Graivs chapter 1 . 4/1/2009
You have a very good way with words, I must say. When I was reading this I almost cried because it made me think of my father so far away. Keep it up.
| simpleplan13 chapter 5 . 3/8/2009
Now we're on to daughter, that's nice.
"A world where noone needs her,"... no one
I think alone shouldn't be capitalized, but other than that I like the piece. It works well, with the other pieces. Nice job.
| simpleplan13 chapter 4 . 3/8/2009
"These thoughts drive me crazy badly".. I'm not sure what you meant by crazy badly, but it sounds really awkward. Maybe very crazy?
The beginning was a bit confusing paradise is what place? Where is there in the third stanza?
The piece itself is good. I like how we switched from Father to Mother, that was nice. The way the eye thing and the breathe thing works well together.
| simpleplan13 chapter 3 . 3/8/2009
Heartfelt is one word.
Again is this still about the dad?
I think the repetition is too much here. I would get rid of the first two lines of all the stanzas where the first two and second two are the same. I do like the repetition of I want to know why though. That works nice to tie it all together. I also like all the things you want to know. They're very relateable.
| simpleplan13 chapter 2 . 3/8/2009
"I want the rain starts to fall,"... "I want the read to start falling"
The only thing about this piece is I'm not 100% sure how it fits into this collection. Is it still about the father? I might add an a/n or something.
The piece itself is nice. I think you ask a lot of really ggreat questions.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/8/2009
"the tongue gets tied"... I think My tongue would fit better with the other lines.
"we began to get apart."... drift apart is a more common phrase
"I Kneeled down and I cried"... knelt (also lowercase k)
I like this. A lot of your comparisons are really great (dream vs reality and moon and sun). The emotion here was also really great. You captured the mixed emotion well.
| Isca chapter 4 . 3/6/2009
"Breathe in, Breathe out, It still hurts." I like how you show the reader that a stress-reductive exercise doesn't really take any of the emotional pain away from the situation.
| Erlkoenigin chapter 6 . 3/1/2009
Du musst nicht trotzdem stark sein, sondern weil dein Herz schwer ist!
Schön umgesetzt, wie immer!
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/28/2009
"I want you to leave me quietly
but I don't want you to leave me soon,
so stay with me no matter if it hurts,"
I loved that.
| Lilja Ruusu chapter 6 . 2/28/2009
I liked this poem because there was alot of emotion in it, even though it was only 4 lines. Beautiful work throughout the whole poem.
| Lilja Ruusu chapter 5 . 2/28/2009
I like how the chapters are family members, like father, mother daughter...I also liked how heartbreaking this one was
| Lilja Ruusu chapter 4 . 2/28/2009
I liked this one alot