Reviews for Facebook Status
SamuelH73 chapter 1 . 2/27/2009
This is very cute! :) I love the "enter, pause, more typing". It breaks it up, but in a very good way. :) Very inventive!
Kiwi Mango chapter 1 . 2/26/2009
hahaha so true, love you Facebook. Please update soon!
notyourbiz chapter 1 . 2/25/2009
lols thats kinda funny add more please
Job Cyclops chapter 1 . 2/24/2009
Woah, way to build up a story and hook your reader! The last part totally left me on the edge of my seat - which is what you were intending to do, I guess.

Ana and Ella are very intriguing characters - likable, but complex. Ella especially. It was interesting to see things from her POV... but I hope we get to see things from Ana's too sometime?

One little writer-ly critique for you. I'm sure you've heard the rule, "show, don't tell." Well... you're doing an excellent job of this already with the vivid descriptions... but adverbs are bogging you down a bit.

Some of the adverbs I noticed in your first paragraphs: critically, properly, manly, normally, slowly, desperately...

Try to find ways to replace these words, and show what's happening rather than use an adjective to describe it. ((Identifying adverbs is easy—they typically have ‘ly’ endings, and are used to modify verbs, adjectives, and other adverbs.))

In example, with your first sentence, instead of: "Ana stood by the floorlength mirror in my room, examining herself critically," it could be, "Ana stood by the floorlength mirror in my room, her eyes hinting of disapproval at the reflection."

Also, for future reference, klepto is spelled with a k, not a c.

Whew, this is really long! I'm so sorry... hope I'm not coming across as critical! You're just a really good writer - you have a lot of natural talent - and I look forward to watching you progress. Good luck!