I think this ended on the right note, although I'd enjoy an epilogue, too. This story was a weird mix of dystopian fantasy-genre-esque places, like the country of violence and slanted violet eyes, and very realistic, prosaic things like GPS and health insurance... I didn't quite know what to make of it. It was a good read, but admittedly it was a little jarring to be caught between those two aspects, the fantasy and the realism.

I can't see her ending up with Roger. I think it may be because his wife is dead... I could see her and Ace, perhaps. If Roger ends up with anyone I'd think it would be Mimi. I remember in one of the chapters she thinks, where are all the Rogers in the Metro? That's what Mimi was looking for the whole time.

Damn. I want Ezekiel lol Hell with the dress and dope. Just the aura would do for me. I like men with confidence...yummers lol

wow ! this story was amazing are a fantastic writer

I finished this piece a while ago but forgot to review it. This was one of those stories that had me hooked from the get go. A fresh plot, intriguing characters and of course the unpredictable Ezekiel. Honestly, I will admit that I was all for Melissa and Ezekiel getting together in the end. Another suprise for me in the end. :)
My favorite part of this piece was your characters. I've always been partial to the villans of pieces so I was always cheering on Ezekiel. Totally kept on imagining The Sopranos or The Godfather when I was readng some of the action scenes he was in. He was very unpredictable for me, total psychopath... but loved his character to pieces. Extreemly well written. :D
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the descriptions! Beautiful descriptions throughout the entire piece. It really made it feel as though I could see myself there or put myself in some of those situations. Yet again, lovely piece!

the ending was okay, although I'm just really confused on the timeline-like how many months passed since Roger left, how many moneys ago did his wife die, etc. I honestly thought Ezekiel would kill Melissa, but I believe he was lying to himself when he said he'd get revenge using their child. I think Ezekiel really did harbor some feelings of attachment, even if his emotional perspective is extremely skewed.

maybe someday you'll write a snippet from Melbourne's POV. that'd be interesting.

what the fuck, I hope it's not going to turn into a sappy romance.

I seriously hope whatever Yogi gave Melissa was something akin to the morning after pill just for the sake of this story...

finally, something other than following orders/idling all day, lol. maybe Ezekiel ordered that crash? hmmmmmmmm

didn't someone go to the next town over to contact the other girl? forgot.

also, maybe she'll meet Ace?

how long is this day? I thought it was late at Roger's house (like, 5PM) and I believe it's still nice and sunny out at the Park. lol.

so I finally realized that this story reminds me of a diary. an interesting diary that has nothing to do with my life, and so you get engrossed in it, hah.

I wonder if Ace is her romantic interest, and I keep wondering if Ezekiel is going to come out here and kill Melissa and Roger.

make up sex coming up?

I enjoyed the action (finally) and was really excited about it. I hope Melissa is able to be her feisty self with more people, heh heh. also... how did the guy coping a feel on Melissa miss the knife? I pictured Melissa as flat chested, or at least halfway to B-cup-but-not-really. I'm also surprised her legs weren't touched.

I'm starting to think I'm incredibly stupid because I can't see the plot. I hope I'm not being terribly rude, and I hope to be constructive.

to be honest, the story reads like connected drabbles. each important in order to further the story and character development, but.. it seems as if something is missing. I'm sure I could read the chapters up until now with no complaints if they were put out of order, but I wish I could pin point whatever it is to make it an even better story.

I apologize for being unable to help you. I realize maybe I feel restless because it's from Melissa's POV, and she's just a character who is following the flow of Ezekiel. Melissa doesn't seem to have anything she's interested in-no drive, no ambition other than her drug needs/family. I wonder if she'll wean herself off the dust or.. or gain some sort of determination to stand on her own two feet.

get herself out of reliance of others. find a (maybe) respectable job.

it'd be interesting if Blade dies, too.

still don't like Ezekiel. I wonder if you can describe him as arrogant? arrogant and calculative, but I guess you can call it unrelenting and driven.

I wonder if Melissa ends up killing him. it'd be quite interesting.

I didn't think she'd tell the whole story to all the women in the barbershop. it'd set you up for fights and name calling and jealousy.