|Reviews for See You at Dick's|
| LEMonSArTiFiCiAlVoDkAandChAiRs chapter 7 . 7/26/2009
I really love this story. o And about the bumblebee thing, that's frickin hilarious. xD Though I would have been scared.
| Le Cosmonaute chapter 7 . 7/24/2009
What an adorable story! Or maybe you, like Jeremy, don't appreciate your story/yourself being called that. But, well, it's true. You're really good with tone-I got a feel for Jeremy's personality halfway through the first chapter.
And wow, what a turnaround in Carson's personality! But I guess it's understandable. Jeremy could have announced his supposed heterosexuality a *little* more tactfully. But then, I guess he wouldn't be Jeremy if he was tactful and articulate!
How do you pronounce Iseul? It was in another book I read, and I've been saying "Ee-sole" in my head. Anyway, keep up the really awesome work, please!
| LEMonSArTiFiCiAlVoDkAandChAiRs chapter 6 . 7/5/2009
hahahaha. The Syrup thing,...I saw it coming. XD That's like my favorite thing in a story ever, it always makes me laugh. And btw, your birthday has gone and passed girly. :P Update! :3
| Amindaya chapter 6 . 6/23/2009
This is so cute and entertaining! I like Jeremy, and how he's the straight boy, but it seems really natural on him. You know how some stories where the character goes out of his way to say he's straight, and it just comes off as unnatural? And all the while he's getting tinglies from guys, and you can tell it's total denial? The denial is expertly done in this case. Even though all that giggling is...pretty gay, just sayin'. Most straight guys don't giggle, and if they laughed, they wouldn't call it giggling.
Can't wait for the next chapter. :)
| TooLazyToSignIn chapter 6 . 6/22/2009
I love Jeremy :3 He's so clueless.
I also love you for writing this, please continue.
| crack the sky chapter 6 . 5/2/2009
hahaha jeremy. so cute. "i'm straight! i'm straight!" sure he is.
but yeah, carson's being sort of a dick about it. which is justified, i guess, since jeremy's "IM STRAIGHT!" speech was kind of... bitchy, haha.
| Random Hero Fan chapter 2 . 4/17/2009
Aw. I think the introduction of AR is lovely . . . it's nice that Jeremy can view some things in a good light, like her "signature scent."
[Mom seemed reluctant to exaggerate.] Um, this struck me. Is "exaggerate" really the word you wanted here? Maybe "elucidate" might be better (or "explain," if you want to stay simple).
hehehe, I just finished the chapter, smiling a little at the tone and atmosphere - I mean, jeez. This is so horribly sad, but somehow, it's still saturated with (if you'll forgive how odiously cheesy this is going to sound) love and a maturity that many teenagers don't get to experience with adults, family or no. Poor kid. So then I read your author's note about Jeremy's perceived "character change," and I disagree. Seems to me his attitude originated largely in his father's and brother's company - why would he be a jerk to his mother and relations he obviously cares for?
Anyway. That's me thinking out loud. I'm still enjoying this very, very much. :D
| crack the sky chapter 5 . 4/10/2009
lol, that iseul (sp?) kid has some issues, doesn't he? like... maybe he likes carson, is what i'm thinking.
also, i LOVE the way carson speaks. don't ask me why, i just do. (:
keep it up (:
| Penemuel chapter 5 . 4/3/2009
This is a good story so far and I look forward to continuing it. Keep writing!
| xximinluvxx chapter 5 . 4/2/2009
hm...just reviewing to say i LOVE this story, its really good and the characters seem real, not fake and flashy. Cant wait til u update again :)
| Wanabet chapter 4 . 3/31/2009
Haha, a little suicidal isn't he. Calling back at the guy who wants to hurt you. Lol, hope you continue this.
| Brandon T chapter 4 . 3/9/2009
Not bad! I enjoyed reading it. It read pretty quickly, about twenty minutes to get through all four chapters, which is neat. It was light, pretty evenly paced, and mostly straightforward, an easy read, I guess, and that’s not a terrible thing, I guess, just what it is. So. I wasn’t sure if I was going to read this story or not. But then I clicked through the reviews and decided, “Well, okay, why not?” And then I flipped briskly through and read your author’s notes and was like, “Hm. Well. This doesn’t seem too bad.” So then I went back and read through the whole thing and I just got done and now I’m writing this review. Initially, I was going to stop about half-way through Chapter 1 because I just wasn’t buying it. I mean, prior to the moment when we find out that Dad and Dennis aren’t coming back, everything was great. Funny, even. A joy to read. And then we get a clunker of a plot twist. The set-up to it was fine though. I could hear the awkward hush and the foreboding silence rising up when the dad sets his fork down; it made me raise my brows like, “O. Something’s going to happen!” And then it just gets kind of abruptly silly. When the Dad mentions something about a vacation, I go, “Hm… really? Really?” It just felt so random and disingenuous and unrealistic. But I found your sparkling personality to be so endearing that I suspended my disbelief and read on! Much of the humor and wit I enjoyed in the first few paragraphs, sadly, dried up. I understand that monumental changes and moving to new places so far removed from the place where yo’re attached to can make a person feel small and inconsequential. And it’s bound to dwarf a bright, glimmering personality. But man, I just started to dislike after about the middle of Chapter 2.
His humor felt forced. His personality felt contrived and flat, unlike the natural ease I felt when reading the first chapter. It felt like I was watching someone live a lie, and I’m not sure.. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Like, I get it. I GET IT. I can empathize with him to some degree, but I don’t know why this abrupt shift in the way he’s being portrayed bothers me so much and if its realistic. Like. Every time he makes a joke of something, I cringe because it just feels so awkward. The whole first chapter felt real to me. Even the second chapter felt real. The emotions felt real and I really related to the character. But chapters three and four feel fake and forced and phony. I honestly didn’t picture Jeremy as a wallflower. I just didn’t. Well, I guess I did. But then again, he seemed like a bit of a smart ass who had a lot of things to say, judging by his incessant judging of others and those around him. But then you start to say that he’s so anti-social and so not fond of attention and it just clashed with the mildly abrasive personality he’d demonstrated in chapters one and two. And that creates this disconnect between Jeremy’s internal life and the life he’s living externally, hence the living the lie thing. I think even in some ways he’s living a lie internally too. Because he IS abrasive and gregarious, but he’s convinced himself that he’s not. Maybe he’s just not comfortable being himself around anyone who isn’t himself. I don’t know, but I’m confused about who this guy is and it’s causing me woe, GREAT WOE.
To mention it again, his humor was amazing in the first chapter. It was what drew me in and kept me reading. But it’s been tarnished and somewhat diminished by this somewhat schizophrenic portrayal of him in later chapters. I’d like to see the Jeremy from Chapter 1 come back, even if it is a more subdued version. I don’t like him in chapters three and four. I don’t like any of the characters in three and four. I don’t like chapters three and four at all. Again, they feel fake to me. There’s no real emotion there, no real anything. It all feels plastic and somewhat bland. Like, things are put in there to be deliberately funny. The cheek-pinching and cute-calling, and the Jeremy snickering to himself (was that to show how he’s quirky?) Because it’s not quirky, I find it to be annoying. He’s so much better and unique when he’s being natural and when your writing is natural! But yeah, chapters three and four. Not my favorites. They were confusing and trite and brusque. You said in Chapter three that he was to report to lessons straight away, but in the next sentence, the same woman says that his classes start the next day? Timothy was okay, actually. I liked him. Ish. Carson is a robot though and Iseul is a cardboard cliché.
Is everyone gay at that school?
And now he’s suddenly questioning his sexuality?
GUH. This story was frustrating for me. Because I liked the first chapters so much and I liked the characters in it despite the shortcomings of the strange, slightly unrealistic plot. I mean, things like that happen, right? Crazier things have happened so I was able to get beyond that. But the charm of the story swiftly faded in the later chapters in large part because it just wasn;t there. Jeremy became washed out and you presented more, static, cliché characters. If I can offer any advice, it’s to really look at what you did in the first chapters, one and two, and try to bring back some of THAT Jeremy. And to bring more emotional realism to the story. I’d like to see him at least a little out of sorts over what’s just happened to him.
AND. Carson. Yeah. I don’t know, I don’t like him. At all. And Timothy is verging on being over the top and quite annoying too so…
It started out great, had a lot of potential and it dropped a little for me in the later chapters. Still, I’ll read it. Your writing is solid mechanically, it just lacks on a deeper level some emotion… some spark… it’s just missing something for me. But. You’re a spiffy writer and I’m sure you’ll get it together.
I give it a 2.8 out of 5.0 on the Brandon Scale overall, but a 1.0 out of 5.0 for Chapters 3 and 4. They were pretty awful. Well… that sounds so harsh. Not awful, because they are solidly written in terms of grammar and usage… but that’s about it. Just a lot of decent sentences strung together. None of what made this story shine in the beginning.
I WOULD WRITE MORE. But I think that’s enough for now. I enjoyed it though and in the end, that’s all that’s important.
| Larson Radek chapter 4 . 3/9/2009
That's mighty nice of you to mention me like that, haw, haw. Really, I've Beta'd before and didn't really mind not being mentioned, but it's really kinda nice when I am, teehee.
And, once again, though I've told you this in the Beta's Notes, I love how much you make me HATE Iseul. It's glorious. First impressions are important after all and, if it's a bad one, it takes put to six positive, and consecutive, encounters with the said person to make them seem likable to you, so the little masturbation comment was just about the best thing you could do.
Even before he pressed Jeremy against the wall, I wanted to punch him, lol.
Once again, I love this story and thanks for letting me Beta AND giving me credit for it
| Random Hero Fan chapter 1 . 3/6/2009
[I don't even care how my day went.] (snort) That's a rather auspicious beginning. LOL
Random thought: Wow. And you gave ME a nice compliment about characterization . . . I think this chapter took me down a couple of notches. I adore how this family is portrayed through the narration - it's very tongue-in-cheek (like the brother Dennis being the writer, not the narrator).
[she smiled, the smile that crinkled her eyes up around the edges but always left the middles shining with sadness.] I think by this point, though, I was sitting here with my mouth open in a kind of horror. This description is GORGEOUS . . . I just had not expected the story to get so serious (and Jeremy so darn pitiable) so quickly. That's not a crit, oh no. This is, honestly, very very good and I'm glad I decided to read it.
Killer last line, too. ;)
WRITE MORE, 'k? :D
| plushdeath chapter 3 . 3/5/2009
yeah! continue writing, sounds hot.