|Reviews for the still AM|
| You Know Who chapter 1 . 3/3/2009
Dude it's me, and if you can't figure this out I think I would have to kill myself. But anyway:
Baby, honestly, I would try the line breaks. They aren't as big a bad monster you think they are. They connotate how fast you read through the poem. Read it out loud like a bazillion times, and when you want to slow down, or need to take a breath that's where the line break goes. I don't think this gains anything from being prose. BUT. I am super in love with the phrase 'the still A.M.' and you know first hand that I am addicted to telephone lines. Though I do think this needs to be cleaned up a little (I don't really like 'bouquets' I think that muddies up the way the imagery works) It is definitely awesome, I'd be willing to sit and work on it with you when I come home- I think you need to submit this somewhere.
| LostInMe chapter 1 . 3/3/2009
I love the way you play around with double uses of words; the effect is quite nice. ("cracked streets and cracking fears" "firing our own escapes from fire escapes" "my eyes are rising to the risen sun")
| LadyAshlie chapter 1 . 3/3/2009
Firstly, I LOVE the format of this. I think it executes much better than if you'd gone with separate lines and stanzas and such.
Secondly, I just like to read through this. There's such a fluidity that draws you along and pulls you in. Sweet and simple, and yet it has so much to say. It's very pretty. Beautiful, really.
Very nice job.