|Reviews for the sweetest girl|
| Little girl Big world chapter 1 . 11/8/2009
"they're usually the ones
you want the most"
this line is the most beautifully heart breaking thing
that i have ever read.
i love this piece.
| B. J. Winters chapter 1 . 3/28/2009
There's a lot of emotion crammed into an amazingly small number of words. Nice cause/effect/reflection.
| effervescent-sentiments chapter 1 . 3/23/2009
Wow, I liked this a lot. You captured and held the "shock moment" when you find it's a woman speaking very well; it definitely intensifies the words after, the shared moments. I love the idea of a father telling his daughter the things he'd tell his son. It's just...very modern, very innovative, and yet it all goes back to tradition, just with a twist.
I didn't really care for what the father actually said, however -"they're usually the ones you want the most," the end line, didn't really resonate or end the poem as strongly. I think something more final that says exactly what you want it to say would be better - I'd recommend just reevaluating what you want that final message to be. :)
| hide your eyes chapter 1 . 3/19/2009
this is gorgeous. really. i'm so glad i took a look today.
"feel my heart take the beating" is my favorite line - even if it's not intended, it's still quite clever.
| deefective chapter 1 . 3/9/2009
Hm, well I can honestly say that I really enjoyed reading this. It had that ambiguity to it that made the whole piece shrouded in a mystery. And yet at the same time not so much. Nicely written. But one thing I didn't like was the, I guess you can call them spelling errors. At first I thought it was just a mistake but you made several more errors throughout the piece so I'm guessing that was on purpose. I find it disrupted the flow. At times I was saying "...what?" and had to read over a sentence. I'm also guessing there was a point to doing this but it didn't come across that well. Oh, and before I forget, this part;
"two years later, i’m cradling Skyy in between my fingers..."
| all you need is oxygen chapter 1 . 3/7/2009
i love how it takes a break to elaborate,
then gets right back to the father's warning.
this is powerful.
it paints a large, lipstick-stained picture.
| softersin chapter 1 . 3/5/2009
"two years later, i’m cradling Skyy in between my fingers,
and waiting for the world to slow down."
| gg. lass chapter 1 . 3/5/2009
this is beautiful.
the imagery and emotion are very vivid.
yours until the wind changes,