|Reviews for Little Lily of the Valley|
| bipedalcooney chapter 2 . 4/4/2009
Very interesting. I like your characters, but I feel as though I need more background on them to understand them. Eternity's father is especially confusing. He loves his son, but he's so willing to just experiment on him? And along the same lines, it would take someone incredibly vain to just give in to scientific experiment for the sake of better looks, but I don't get that impression from Eternity. Just some points there. As for the story itself, so far I really like it. Just work on developing the characters and the story will broaden itself out. Awesome work, keep writing! And thanks for another review.
| bipedalcooney chapter 1 . 4/4/2009
Interesting topic, definatley one you could have fun with. My only complaint is that you do a lot "telling" rather than letting the story act out itself. But really, it's not a huge deal. I really liked your description of the study. Nice detail. This story looks promising, keep on writing! And thanks for the review.
| fleur de l'est chapter 1 . 4/3/2009
Interesting idea )
| Tawny Owl chapter 5 . 4/2/2009
So is Echo going to be the nice sensitive one that balances out Halycon?
Eternity does feisty and frustrated very well. Although the A/N about the wife beater was a bit random and jolted me out of the flow of the story a bit.
I did like Etienne the mole man as well. I think he was the character in the dorm who stood out for me the most, possibly because he was so different to the rest of them. It felt like he was on his own hole digging planet.
I also like the idea that Eternity has no idea he’s a girl in animal form. It’s a bit twisted, and strange that he wouldn’t realise something was missing – but then I suppose when your body changes shape for the first time it can be a bit disorientating…..
| DJN chapter 5 . 4/2/2009
Halcyon seems fun... very aggressive, though. I like Theodore and Shahana, I like quiet, contemplative types. Rex seems like a freaky man... I'm sure Eternity will run into some trouble with him in the future. The old guy (the mole who's hobby is to dig holes P) seemed really nice. Each character has a distinct personality, that's for sure. The way you mentioned this Echo guy makes me very curious... :)
| DJN chapter 2 . 4/2/2009
So far, I don't like Adelson... to experiment on your own son is kinda-just-a-little-bit horrible. I feel bad for Eternity for looking all girly because his father couldn't decide on his gender and then made him "pretty." And now he's turning into a kitty cat. Catboys are yum... but when they were originally human, it's sad. :(
| Cooked Juice chapter 5 . 4/1/2009
Adelson is kind. I thought he was a nutcase. Wonder who is what.
“And you are not?” Eternity rolled his blue-green eyes. “You do know that you aren’t any better than him. Hm, I thought birds of the feather stick together.”
Eternity is feisty.
Even though Shahana and Theo didn't talk much. I have a feeling I'll really really really like them. Make them cool, K?
“Fuck you.” Rexter spat.
“Ew, faggot,” Halcyon made a sour face before erupting a mocking laugh.
Halcyon is darn sexy. He has no idea you are turning him a fag doesn't he?
LOVE THIS LITTLE CHAPTER! It is fun to see them interacting with each other. UPDATE
| Narq chapter 5 . 3/31/2009
Poor Eternity is getting laughed at in this chapter. Why can't he go live with his father though?
It's kinda a depressing but interesting chapter... not really on of my favourites to be frank, but good all the same. Update please?
| Luna Turner chapter 1 . 3/31/2009
Your writing is highly entertaining.
The story is intriguing, and I feel bad for Eternity. However... I am slightly jealous...? Haha. XD I want his eyes!
Anywho- your writing.
It's remarkable really. It's not too fluffy, so you don't lose interest, and it makes me laugh. (Which is always a good thing.)
The only errors I saw were small typos, which are easily fixed.
Onto chapter two!
| Fang Nicole chapter 5 . 3/31/2009
Oh~ It's starting to catch flame now, ne? Very good use in details and words. I can't wait to read more! Till next...whenever I talk to you! Ja!
| MAGICAL.NARRATOR chapter 5 . 3/31/2009
your story is loved.
(sorry this review is so )
| BlaznFangurl chapter 5 . 3/30/2009
Ohh okay, kinda hard to type with the kitty chasing the mouse pointer...um where to start first off, yaya I finally got a recognition in your author's note thingie *Big hug right back*
Yes first off ace for the message at the beginning, you are so right, homophodes should just skip back down the yellow brick road!
Now I shall begin reading, sorry it has taking me a minute to read your update, kinda been swamped.
Most agreed since they had nothing much to lose anyway and the thought of having supernatural power sure triggered their interest.( This is what I mean you have officialy explained how the subjects came to be, I am satisfied_)
His skin was dark and was decorated by a bunch of permanent tattoos. He wore a plain red wife-beater (A/N: Seriously, who the fuck named it?),(Omg! I have wondered this several times too! Why that name out of all things!)
baggy shorts, and a pair of sport shoes without socks. He also had a white bandana over his head. Three golden ring earrings hanged on his both ears which jingled whenever his head moved.(OH Gangsta meh likey! Is he Echo, he sounds yummy!)(Aww hopes dashed, he is theo!Poopy!)
“I told you I will kick you sorry hobo ass!"( Hmm here try, Your sorry hobo ass, or that I would kick you, you sorry hobo ass)
Eternity stomped on Halcyon’s foot and broke free from the man’s deadly embrace. “I am NOT a GIRL! I am a man! Are you that blind?” ( Aww poor Eternity, beauty comes with a price, your's is having horny animal guys after your hot booty!XD)
Hmm okay all in all it was ace, I really liked how you portrayed rexter as well. I hope you will try your skills at heterosexual scenes with theo and sha. Loves it lots!
| DELPROF chapter 5 . 3/29/2009
me, me! i'm next!
lawl, anyways, i loved the chapter, but i dont like that raclon/ralcon/rawl -whatever his name is- character.
grah. kkill him off! asap! xD, anyways that "royal bliss" (was that their name?) was really mean and pissy and i think if she/he psycho analized you, i should psycho analyize him/her:
Dear Not-So Royal Bliss,
Obviously, since you find so much happiness in bringing other people down, you yourself has had a lack of positive energy in your life. From the way you reviewed this story, it sounds like your in denial of some event, be it purely mental or physical, and you are insecure with yourself.
If you're in denial of a mental event - or in better words, a way of thinking - I don't sorry for you, because you've got yourself into thinking that -insert real life here- is wrong, and that your way of living is the only way of living.
If you're in denial of a physical event, I do feel sorry for you, and I hope that whatever this traumatic event may be, will become a learning experience rather then a mental roadblock. You've got yourself all wrapped up in your memories that you cannot believe that the past has already come and gone, and the present is constantly changing.
But if you are in denial about being in denial I suggest you get some help.
But back to the main point of you being so negative: it is so obvious that you are insecure with yourself because you keep going on and on (and on and on) about the writer (how about we call HER Kalista Jia), and her oh-so obvious gender issues. Maybe you yourself have gender issues?
Just a thought to keep your day going Mr/Mrs Royal Bliss,
PS. I really wouldn't bring racism into the same boat as sex or sexuality, even though similar viewings are made on each.
PPS. I would just like to note, that your pen-name goes along with my point of you being insecure, unless, of course, you are the Queen of England, then you have my highest regards (as well as my wish you go to hell), but I highly doubt you are the Queen of England, and so I can "joke" about that. Toodles.
there ya go. feel free to edit out any part that seems to harsh or revealing, have a nice day!
| KLIM chapter 5 . 3/29/2009
He wore a plain red wife-beater (A/N: Seriously, who the fuck named it?) The A/N is funny.
Poor Eternity, everyone thinks he is a girl. Adorable. The dorm sounds like a fun place to live in.
UPDATE PLEASE. GOOD STORY.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 5 . 3/29/2009
Well, you did said before in your review reply that there will be a wolf dude. Hopefully that will be Theodore. Makes sense that a wolf will be a worthy number 2. That is unless you want to spam felines and leaving out the poor wolf as a vital character. tbh I don't think I'll be amused by that if that happens. :S
And speaking of Theodore plus Shahana as well, tbh I never really see any significant character portrayal here. At the very most, what I know about them is through verbal intoduction by Halcyon. Try to make the characters known through their own actions and words. This will definitely speak louder than a random intro speech by a third party. Needless to say, I don't really feel for them atm. At least why I said Halcyon is my current favourite character here is because you did a good job in making him stand out as a vital role.
On the other hand, I can't really say the same for Eternity apart from the fact that he's reprising the role of Kazuki in GetBackers looks wise. :S Try to flesh out your characters if you want them to play a certain role in the story. As what I've been so fond of saying in some of my reviews in the past, the plot defines the story, but the characters will always define the plot. Think about it and I believe you'll know what I'm talking about.
As for Rexter, I guess he's a hyena since that is the stereotype animal for scavengers. Which is basically ridiculous when looked into deeper. Hyenas actually hunt more than they scavenge. Lions on the other hand are vice-versa. When I think about that everytime, it really seems that lions are overrated in reality. No offense meant there. I only state my own facts and views although it'ds pretty blunt. :S Sorry if you think I'm dissing you off. No such intentios tbh.
But then again, I don't think I will discount the possibility that Rexter might be a coyote or fox since these two actually have a certain tendency to scavenge. But I believe I'll go batshit guano loco at you if you make Rexter out to be a wolf. Wolves don'scavenge ffs as every human being knows. Hopefully I don't see you as a Sarah Palin clone. If you know about her wolf hunting policies, you'll know why I said that. Never have any respect for her tbh especially after the scandal on her daughter broke out in addition to her tendencies to go wolf nuking. :S You should know what I'm talking about since I think Alaska is at your doorstep border wise. I may be wrong on the location though. Not too much of a guru in continent geography. :S
Anyway, thanks very much for you adding A Ranger's Tale into your alerts. I might be doing a new chapter soon depending on how far I can go schedule wise. :)