|Reviews for Firesoul|
| Shinagami's shadow chapter 1 . 3/10/2009
i really like this story so far please write more!
| anti-climax chapter 1 . 3/10/2009
Nice opening chapter you have here. I must admit even though it was quite short you managed to intrigue me.
| Ecru chapter 1 . 3/9/2009
I’m definitely interested in this story, for one your vocabulary and imagery are wonderful. I’m actually a little disappointed that the chapter was so short and I couldn’t continue to read on! There were a few things I’d like to point out though – constructively of course. This is just advice so you needn’t bother with any of the suggestions I’m going to be making.
‘...by a sliver of silvery moonlight...’ The “silvery” in this sentence doesn’t really have much purpose, seeing as you previously told the reader that the light that is being cast is silver. On the other hand you could remove, “a silver of”, which would probably fit better into the analogy.
‘...The trees about it rustled like decayed cloth against the same...’ I don’t quite understand what you meant by “the same”, perhaps you meant sail or another similar sounding word?
‘...excitedly next to him him,’ just a typo by repeating the word “him” that’s all.
Out of this small piece I really did enjoy every little metaphor and simile you wrote, really they were very creative, especially this one, ‘...his coat blowing open behind him like the tail of a night owl.’ I’m rather interested in the fact that you used a large cat instead of horses, rather original.
Also, ‘...shining like an old skeleton.’ Set the mood very early on, which you managed to successfully achieve throughout the entire piece, well done.
‘Yet darker still were the brooding sentiments of the man who stood on the plains below …where ravens circled, croaking in delight for the meals the masters of the city had prepared for them.’ That was definitely my most favourite paragraph, seeing not only did you continue on with the surroundings, but you made the character enter into the story so, effortlessly! Congrats.
| Lilliwyn chapter 1 . 3/9/2009
This is a very descriptive first chapter to your story, even though it was very short. I love how you delve into the details. You really have me wondering what is coming next, and I am anxious to see how the story unfolds.