|Reviews for Through you, with disaster|
| Ioga chapter 1 . 1/7/2011
I'm firing away some quick reviews today to balance for the long books I'm reading in the background...
I do like them psycho pieces, be they -logical or -pathic. :) I had some trouble locating if the repetitions in this one were just on the important lines or if you had a tune playing in your head while you wrote this. A slightly similar feel came from the sometimes rhyming, sometimes not.
All in all I think I was a bit lost with this one, so some of my nitpicks may be confused too. Here they are: A few lines where I wondered if there was a word missing: "I'll let you wrap me up your plastic hands" - up with? The mental image of someone wrapping up his hands felt strange. Another one was ""I'd rather kill you then let roam free" - than let you roam free? (There's another then-than in the line below, if I'm interpreting the text right.)
| diwu6398 chapter 1 . 12/22/2010
I loved this so much: the language, the repetition-first person I've seen use the same line twice, thrice in a row-, the phrasing, the irregular rhyme scheme, the subject, everything. The things did blend together, which I noticed right away. I agree with Samurai-Soldier that the flow seemed off, irregular- I think that's what made it better.
| Utah Dynamo chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
i'm usually against suicide unless it's an act of self sacrifice for some one you love.
my girlfriend recently told me she was feeling suicidal and i told her if she's serious to let me die with her because i can't live with her love in my life. i told her i would go through heaven and hell for her and if we wind up on opposite side of the battle we would take eachother with us if we were to destroy each other. i really enjoyed this one.
| Samurai-Soldier chapter 1 . 3/9/2009
I liked it, but that notes kind of gave me what I 'should' think, which kind of ruined the messeges I got from it myself. but, regardless, very well done. Imagery was great, as was the rhymes scheme, but the flow seemed off to me, but eh, I can't tell how it flows for you over the internet. Anyway, nice job, Peace