Reviews for Welcome to Heartbreak
Brightheart chapter 31 . 1/7/2012
amazing story. read it at least twice.
CrazyCowgirl101 chapter 31 . 1/6/2012
This was great! :)
smashiez chapter 31 . 1/4/2012
i just read this, and omg i stayed up until 3 in the morning and couldnt stop reading! IT WAS AMAZING JUST OMFG! it was amazingly written! well done :D xxxxxxxxxxxx
sneaky-fox chapter 31 . 12/20/2011
you've got yourself another fan! this story was amazing, so very well written and you captured the characters feelings perfectly. I'm pretty sure you had me crying within 5 minutes after I started reading it ;)

I loved loved loved this story!

Now I'm off to read everything else you've written :)
Jane chapter 1 . 12/3/2011
I think you not being a native speaker actually made this story better.

The way you frame your sentences has a rustic, more elegant feel to it.

It's beautiful and I love it.

Do keep writing :)
Nomad chapter 31 . 11/30/2011
Why is this story was ALMOST the same with DarkForest17's Forbidden Touch. Was this your original idea or not? No offense...from the name to other parts of the story...THE SAME!
leavesfallingup chapter 2 . 11/27/2011
At her age, wouldn't it be better for her to go find a different job. If this is set in modern times then there is little reason for her to endure such an ass. The type of character that you're developing in her doesn't seem like the type who would put up with it.
leavesfallingup chapter 1 . 11/27/2011
This is a great, though sad beginning. How many children's lives have been altered irrevocably by the untimely death of his/her parents? It is unfortunate that her parents didn't set aside something for her, but we don't always plan to die.

I look forward to reading more.
amanda marie grant chapter 31 . 11/9/2011
I just finished this story last night and I loved it. I think you were able to capture the characters really well and you kept the story moving, I was always interested to see what would happen next. There were some grammer issues but not so noticable that it kept me from enojoying this story. I have added a couple of your other stories to my Kindle and will be sure to review them once I'm done. Kepp up the great work! :-)
KatMulligan chapter 1 . 10/18/2011
wow...Adam and Eve. Got that right off the bat-sounds good so far :)
Raaawr Ima Dinosaur chapter 31 . 8/24/2011
This was such an amazing story! I loved every bit of it!

There's nothing I can really say because there's no words to describe how much I loved this story!

Although, I do have one tiny complaint...You turned Brad from my favourite character to one of my hated cause he turned out to be a

Anywyays, once more, I loved this. Amazing job! :D
little miss pandora chapter 30 . 8/20/2011
I read this last night and today i found this on a random search. My god are you. Talented. No way are you perdictable. I was hooked to this and i live every bit.
albin0 chapter 30 . 8/18/2011
Not going to lie, I almost thought you were going to go all Romeo and Juliet on us in this chapter. After this entire story, I actually believed for a second that you were going to kill them both off.

Then it got to the rooftop scene (I originally thought Eva would find Adam dead or something. Maybe he'd purposely get in a car accident or something like that.) I always get confused when we "loses himself" because it's so exaggerated that I'm not sure how far he goes, that I couldn't tell if he was so lost that he'd actually jump. So, at that point, I STILL thought you might be pulling a tragedy on us.

I was actually kind of disappointed when they were both still alive. It would have been an amazing ending if you had gone all Shakespeare. However, I'm glad you didn't, because then the rest of the story wouldn't have lived up to this chapter.

I think you wrote this chapter quite well, much better than all 30 chapters before it. In fact, I felt like I got jipped by reading all of the other chapters, because this is the only one that got me to show emotion of any kind (yep, I bawled like a baby.) Not to mention, I was so anxious during this chapter, I skipped loads of it and mostly just hit the dialogue.

I'm not big on reviewing, but just thought I'd share my views on this chapter.

If writing is what you really want to do, I'd say keep working on it and practicing. You'll mature as a writer, and you have great stories to tell. I loved the plot line and where you went with everything. Sure, pretty much everything but parts of this chapter were predictable, but that comes with the territory. You set up obvious "hints" and you didn't really throw us for a loop, which you might want to work on. You'd have Eva work through things that were sooo obvious to our readers that it just made her look unintelligent. However, You have good ideas, and I'll definitely be looking into your other works.

You do have an odd style of writing, though. I'm not sure if it's because you're telling instead of showing, or what. But I feel like I lot of your chapters were kind of wishy washy. I'm not sure how to explain it. Anyways, it's 4 am and I've just finished reading so I'll be heading to bed. Good luck with all future stories, and I hope this review has somewhat helped you.
AJS chapter 31 . 8/15/2011
Overall a great story. However there were some really awkward phrases that made it seem like you are not fluent in English. It's a lot of times your word usage, such as saying "wonder" instead of "wander," or "Useless to say" rather than "Needless to say." Honestly it detracted from the story and was a little distracting.

I also think in the beginning this story was missing something. It was corrected over time, and I think that's just the development of your writing, but in the beginning it's like the events were good, but they just happened too quickly and with not enough thought or something in between.

There were also times where I wanted to hit the two main characters for acting so stupid, but I guess that's just part of the story. Like how could Adam be so selfish that he would rather just hurt Eva like that by proposing to Rachel the day after he took her virginity just because he was too much of a coward to tell her beforehand. Seriously, I don't know. That was just... WTF ARE YOU THINKING. And how could Eva agree to have sex with him, when he was still with Rachel? It honestly seemed like Adam was pressuring her a lot into it as well.

Also I think the "twists" were a little obvious. I mean I think I had them all figured out the first time they were mentioned. It would have been nice if they were a bit more subtle. Or maybe they were just predictable.

Well anyway I don't mean to bash on your story because I actually did like it a lot. I think the relationship between Adam and Eva is sweet (love the play on names). Their nights together are precious. The overall picture that this story leaves me with is them in the stable with the horses, talking and brushing the horses at night. For some reason that picture just really resonates with me, and I like that that's what it leaves me with. Of course I'm sure it's different for everyone but that in itself just leaves me with a really good overarching impression of your story.

Anyway, I'd have to say though your writing still has room for improvement, you are a very good story teller, and I think that shows in that regardless, readers still get wrapped in your stories and don't want to come out. Good job, and I'm looking forward to seeing you continue to improve.

- Alyssa
spUNkyORanGE chapter 18 . 8/12/2011
Since this chapter was in Adams POV I was really hoping we would find out what Alexis wrote in his letter at the hotel. They talked a little bit about how he shouldve listened to her but I wouldve loved to know what she wrote in the letter just for my own curiousity's sake. :)

love the story. this is my second time reading it. I just had to read it again because it brings so many emotions through. Adam's father's party really is the beginning of the end for this whole story. After the party, everyone is so depressing. I love it though. Keep up the great work with you writing.
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