Reviews for Welcome to Heartbreak
Nightjinx chapter 4 . 6/12/2015
Gosh Adam sounded just like me when he said horses are my passion! I have four of my own and am still trying to convince my mum that we need more!
Asiah chapter 31 . 5/11/2015
I've never posted on here before but I just had to after I read this book. I just wanted to say this was one of my top books in life. I'm so obsessed. I need you to publish this and then write so much more! You're brilliant!
babyV86 chapter 1 . 1/31/2015
Your writing is amazing and the story is great. It's the kind of story I would see in a book shop have you ever thought of writing your own books? .
nat chapter 25 . 1/23/2015
Although this is very well written, I must say that I did not like the ending at all. I do not like Adam and do not understand why Eva still accepted him. Throughout the story it seemed like she was always proving herself to him and yet even when he acknowledges that he had pushed her too far, he turns to suicide. She tries to stop him and he yells at her for giving up. Eva has a spine made of steel. Nevertheless this story was a lovely read. :)
25435345gb chapter 2 . 1/18/2015
You're a good writer, and you've set up the story very nicely- but I'm finding it really hard to root for Eva, who's coming off as lazy and entitled and spoiled. And completely hypocritical, since she's judging all of the rich people for those poor qualities.
pastelcolors chapter 2 . 12/22/2014
The writing style makes me uncomfortable. I think you're trying to make it sound more formal, but there are parts where it sounds awkward.
Mr. Cooper and Adam's fight, too. The way it was worded just didn't feel right.
Octo chapter 1 . 12/5/2014
I managed to read a chapter and a half before I had to give up on your story due to your main character being one of the most whiney characters I have ever read. I don't know if this may just be a reflection on the possibility that you've never had a real job yourself, but I can guarantee waking up at seven and cleaning a few rooms is not the worst thing on earth, and certainly can't be compared to 'heartbreak'. Not to mention her immediate judgement on the rich family that employed her and housed her. So what if they 'looked down at her'? She is their employee not their guest. There are a hell of a lot worse ways your boss could look at you.
That being said, I didn't notice that many grammatical errors, and I believe you do have a rather good grasp on writing. I suggest working on your writing technicques and plotting, and also gaining some more life experience to aid you.
I just wanted to let you know so that you can grow as a writer- after all, we wouldn't be writing on fictionpress if we were already good enough to write our own, right? Good luck to you!
Piru chapter 21 . 11/5/2014
Wow. Eva is really stupid to have only figured out who Allison is now.
KLV.Me chapter 1 . 8/24/2014
You're such an amazing writer! There were no mistakes in the vocabulary for as much as I could see for myself. And your writing style is also kind of attractive which makes reading more interesting. :)
ajashire1 chapter 31 . 7/21/2014
I think this was the most drama filled story I've ever read... and loved every second. :3
Elizabeth chapter 1 . 7/10/2014
Hey, I just want to say that your fan fiction is really good! And another thing I want to tell you is that unfortunately... Someone had plagiarism your fanfiction. I'd thought I let you know, she/he has been banned ever since someone reported it (: Keep writing! chapter 17 . 4/21/2014
I knew something wasn't right during that night of romance! This is my first time reading anything on fictionpress, and I'm really glad I chose your story to read :) I started it last night and stayed up until about 5am to read it... it's so addicting! Thank you for writing this :D
Dominique Diane chapter 31 . 4/6/2014
It's like Cinderella mixed with real life. I read this story a long ago, just like stripping you and your love. I'm not inspirated enough to write a proper review, a review that your story deserves so I'm just going to say that this, this was sentimental and lovely, truly lovely!
Guest chapter 3 . 3/28/2014
Love the story! But how is he 22 and already graduated from medical school ?
guest chapter 31 . 2/21/2014
The plotline was predictable, but you developed it well. Some constructive critisism:
1. How did Eva's mum's death impact her life? we see no effect of her mum's death; at least, no tangible effect. all i read was "i love adam, i want him, i'll get him."
2. the cheating. it sucked. adam had no character development; he was a coward in the beginning, and in the end too, with all the suicide drama.
3. the dramatics. i wish the story was a bit more realisitic. a lot things didn't add up. for eg, eva's drinking spree; adam's sudden change of attitude towards eva inspite of having a reputation for being cold and heartless. the story could have cut down on all the sex and instead developed their relationship slowly and steadily.
4. how eva needs to be protected all the time. it's annoying.
5. adam's overprotectiveness. it's unrealistic. all those control issues. where did they sprout from?
6. the grammar. it's annoying; maybe a beta would help.
overall, if you ever do a redux and work on character development as well the grammar, it would be a much better read.
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