|Reviews for Insomnia|
| Engineer of Words chapter 2 . 3/22/2009
For the sake of clarification, I'm reviewing both chapters here.
But anyway, I have quite enjoyed reading this piece. Props to you for taking the title and theme of the story and effortlessly applying it to all facets of the story thus far. Not only that, but your narration makes what would be ordinary events to read in the less-traveled parts of the newspaper seem compelling and beyond ordinary.
This was achieved in no small part by how you used the two chapters to both explain the circumstances and juxtapose the two main characters. Cassandra dwells on her feelings and her emotions, attempting not to be crushed by the sheer weight of them all, while Isaac attempts to forget his and instead allow them to disappear into statistical behavior and fact. The amount that these two have in common, as well as the amount that separates the two, make them very distinct character foils.
On that note, the story's propensity not only to highlight but to drive the plot by making light of the flaws and fears of the main characters keeps things interesting. Cassandra and Isaac, upon finishing the two chapters, seem like the kind of people one would indeed see working in a record store or sitting alone at a popular local diner. Their depth makes them memorable.
Granted, not too much has happened physically thus far, but I must profess to be surprised at Richard's suicide. His name was craftily slipped in at the end of the second chapter, which creates both the sense of epiphany and a decided curiosity as to how Cassandra will react when she finds out.
My only criticism is that occasionally you will take what would have been a fluid sentence and make it into two more abrupt-feeling ones, such as "That's how things were viewed easiest. In percentages." While this is more an opinion than any solid mechanical flaw, the choppiness [forgive the word usage] sticks out a bit as compared to the smoothness and ease of flow the rest of your narration conveys. Abrupt motion is certainly not the desired effect, but if you find that my opinion is of no merit and that it works for you as is, no worries.
In summation, you've done a spectacular job bringing these characters to life, and I hope you update this soon. Either way, I would like to extend you an invitation to check out my forum. You can get reviews, meet interesting people, and hopefully get something positive out of it all. If you don't care to do so, that's fine, but I would certainly hope that a skilled writer such as yourself might enjoy a forum where he and his work can be appreciated.
Thank you for your consideration, regardless.
*Review courtesy of the Promised Land Forum*
| PencilSketchS chapter 2 . 3/22/2009
I went back to check, and YES, it is the same Richard Evans. OMG! *insert shocked pauses between each letter*
I'm really liking this story. I love the way you've put it together so far. How you introduce each character and intergrate their lives into the short space of time of an occuring event. I like their personality quirks and the way they're all looking for someone to love them, because really what's the point if they leave you?
I really want to know about this Richard kid...REALLY I DO!
And I have a feeling the next chapter will give us some sort of insight.
And poor Cassandra, going into labour, and Isaac in a semi-state-of-panic.
Have I mentioned yet just how much I like this. It's an awesome read, easy and involving, and I envy your skill, really I do.
| PencilSketchS chapter 1 . 3/18/2009
Shame, Poor Cassandra. You told her story very nice and neatly, going into her personality and habits, and how her problems are getting the bast of her, but how she is determined to deal with them somehow - because she has to. The you go into an intro and explaination of Richard Evans, and I get the idea she's more than a little interested in him. And just as we're not looking, up steps guy number three! I wonder who he is?
I really like the way you wrote this, as a reader I was pulled into Cassandra's wirld to see things as she saw it. I'm looking forward to the next chapter :)