|Reviews for Vulnerable|
| babyk2278 chapter 1 . 3/25/2009
this was interesting:) im not usually into the blood sucking thing but ever since my cousin basically forced me to read Twilight (which i adore by the way) i have actually opened up to the blood sucking fantasy and supernatural stuff. A few mistakes, here and there. (dont worry i do .) keep updating!
| HikariHwaiting chapter 2 . 3/23/2009
Also, very good chapter, BUT:
LOTS OF RUN ON SENTENCES, GRAMMATICAL ISSUES AND WORDS.
Untighten can be changed to loosen...flows better
The dialouge is a little awkward but its ok
Its really short(dats ok too)
But i think this was overall a good chapter and looking forward to more
| HikariHwaiting chapter 1 . 3/23/2009
Ok good start but there are a few grammar issues
1. you may want to quote or italisize you thoughts to make it a bit easier for the reader
mas are your friend
Ex. Before, I could take action she stepped into the shower shutting the curtain blocking my view.
It flows easier as below:
Before I could take action, she stepped into the shower, shutting the curtain, blocking my view.
The last comma is optional
is not a word.
It is oblivious.
Oblivious is the opposite of obvious.
Now that the negative are done i just want to say great start and great details.