|Reviews for Knightly calamity
| PolkadotBubble625 chapter 1 . 7/18/2009
You've got me interested.
I really liked your descriptions, and your word choice. It was just that in the middle, around the dialog, where the formating and stuff kind of got thrown off. But that wasn't too big of an issue. Anyways, I really liked it :) I'm looking foward to seeing more!
| Hana Ari chapter 1 . 7/7/2009
This story is a little hard to read because of gramatical and conventional errors, but it sounds very interesting. The overall flow was nice and the characters seem well-established, so far.
Overall, i think you just need to work on basic conventions and such, and thats about it. :)
waiting for more! :)
| allofthepennameshavebeentaken chapter 1 . 4/15/2009
wow! sounds good, definately exciting. But it might do well if you got some new words. You used "snarl/snarling" a lot.
| mikey magee chapter 1 . 3/28/2009
I love the concept of the story. Looking into the private life of a man of legend is a great idea. I loved the dialog. It read naturally.
The one thing I had problems with was the form. At the beginning you had one great block of text, and the same thing at the end. It became somewhat tedious to read. I think it would help if you weaved the information through out the dialog. For example, you could have the dialog, and in between that you could have the narrative. Also, try to use paragraphs, it helps cut down on the large block of text.
You character is interesting, but I think it would help his character more if you hinted at some of his back story early on in the story. That way we could get a feel for the plot (which is very well done by the way) and the character (who seems interesting in his own right)
Nice job. Keep Writing.