You could easily write another version of this as a short story... you pay excellent attention to detail with the sunset and the dress. Perhaps you can expand on the theme of being "plain" that you established early in the work?

As is, it's a great account and poem.

This reminds me of my carnation poem :) My only suggestion would be to break into stanzas so that it feels more organized. I love your writing and I LOVE YOU! So please get better soon, k? :'(