You know, despite the vague ending, I like that you left me room to imagine my own ... and I imagine Josie with Zack ... :)
Love how you made the characters stand out and be realistic at the same time. I hope you still write, it would be a waste of talent if you stopped.

i'm going to cry now!

please please please update soon :'( x x x

Really awesome, and well written story! I sat down and read this all to once, which is not something I normally do! I just noticed that you haven't updated in a year or so; I hope you plan to update this story soon because I am dying to know what happens next! :)

Hi!

For some reason I think I owe you two reviews! Do I? Anyway here they are shoved into one.

LOVED IT! Zach is a really malevolent character and Josie is just being taken advantage of IMO. Really well written in these first two chapters! Look forward to reading more!

Keep writing!

Katerz

Hey author(:

I've greatly enjoyed your story. Please write more, because it's really a super big cliffhanger and it's been so long...

Thanks. God bless.

(:

Great story! I loved reading it. Seriously, though, Zack reminds me of Draco Malfoy so much! The cool demeanour, the scorn he has for the popular people, the lone wolf behaviour, and the looks! Especially when you said blond hair and grey eyes, heh. I'm really interested in reading more! When's the next chapter coming up?

Opening paragraph needs to be broken up. We have two separate conversations here, one she is directing at Zack, the first two sentences. The rest of it is her talking to herself, which is indicated by Zack being referred to in the third person.

Overall, the opening is still strong, tying in with the chapter title.

There is a delightful sense of over-the-top here that I really adore. (And this is just the 'making breakfast' scene.

LOL at the diseases.

"What's wrong Jos[i]e? You look kinda tense."

Well, I knew to expect that 'slave' part from the summary, but the delivery certainly makes for a good ending.

Okay, the chapter reads very smoothly. I like her hyperbolic attitude and approach to life. We get a sense for the friends, and, while they seem near-identical, they're enough in the background that it doesn't matter as much.

Unfortunately, I don't have anything to really concrit here - I enjoyed reading it very much.

I like your beginning because you introduce the story with a great hook with the opening journal entry, I think it really pulled me into the story and it left me intrigued to know what exactly had happened-it was just a good idea to do that, it acted as a sort of prologue.

I also enjoyed your dialogue because you handle it with such ease and it was smooth to follow, you do a great job characterizing your characters through the dialogue too, especially at the end when you lue into her friends, Brett, Xander, and Mei not knowing why she has such that bad relationship with Zack. I liked the "Go Josie, go Josie" chant, haha.

[Jocelyn Addams sipped her coke and stared hard at the clean page of her diary, wondering what on earth she could write in there that would make her last history lesson seem anything less than an hour of her life she’d never get back. Just for the record, it was a September lunch break and she was in the cafeteria, perched upon the tabletop whilst simultaneously breaking the no sitting on tables rule, the no feet on chairs rule, and the no leaning against walls rule.] I liked the characterizations in this paragraph, it was very indirect, and very short, but it says a lot about the character.

[The longest running couple of the year, Mei Li and Xander LeRaine, stood to the side, looking rather uncomfortable whilst Aaron rolled his eyes at every heavy sigh Josie uttered with every book she stuffed back into her bag. This girl could be infuriatingly ridiculous at times, but her immaturity was why Aaron loved her so much. Having grown up together, he had seen her melodrama way too many times to take anything she did seriously.] Having read the chapters after, I know that Aaron and Josie are best friends but the way you wrote it kind of makes it seem like they are going out. If you are nickpicky, and don't want to confuse the reader, you might want to mention something about them being friends.

[Grabbing her arm, Kelly said persistently and not so patiently, “It’s all out in the open now. Lois totally made Valerie look like a fool on Saturday and now Valerie wants revenge on her in the parking lot. Now come on, otherwise we’ll miss it!”] Haha, I liked how you established conflict in the chapter, it makes it interesting to the reader, seeing the school bitch get made fun of.

[Outside, the sun was shining, the songbirds were singing, Josie was yelling at Kelly to slow down, and two human females were engaged in the age-old art of combat] I understand the need for the passive voice sometimes, but when there are two people being each other up, I prefer it to be in the active voice. Though, I think it's funny the way the paragraph is phrased.

All in all, I enjoyed it. I was a pretty gripping first chapter, though I really hated how you wrote in the passive voice instances where the writing should have been more suspenseful.

Sorry for the late review. Happy New Year! The dream seqences of this story are always creepy but cool. Well at least this one was creepy. It's good to see those two are getting along now at least this time. Ice skating? did that a few times scratched up my ankle once. It was fun despite the constant falling lol. Eager to see how it goes for them!

This took me straight back to high-school - the dynamics, the complex social orders, the chatback...it was all wonderful _

I particularly like your take on a familiar premise. The idea of a independent minded, strong willed girl/young woman getting roped into aiding an attractively mean male antagonist isn't new, but the girl already having her dream guy before the deal is made is.

There was a moment where I felt overwhelmed by characters, but you managed to give them all just enough depth and presence to make them stick, while keeping Josie's plot moving, so kudos there.

The only thing I could nitpick would be the bit where you say Josie rested her head on Adam's shoulder, just before saying Adam was at least a foot taller than her. I'm no genius with spacial awareness, but I'm curious as to how that would work! XD

It's a good hook to keep your readers interested at the end as well. I want to know what Zack's deal is :P

oh no! adam is turning into one of them...

i'm american... lolz no worries. this is a really good story! i just hope that kelly doesn't revert..

AHAHAHA i love how he yells at the end. ]

You got me interested...

"Josie hopped down the asphalt in time to her beats, humming guitar riffs and losing herself in the world of the hormonal angst that came with modern day rock." I do this too - hum a favorite song when I'm feeling blue and it brightens my mood. Doesn't everyone do this?