|Reviews for My mystery girl|
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/3/2011
i just really need the first chapter. this is ALL good. but watch the language...
| Aphrodite's Antidote chapter 8 . 2/26/2011
Wow is all I have to say so far. I love the cliff hangers! This is so great! I hope to read more. Update soon!
| Breathing Ice chapter 8 . 9/28/2010
I like this story. I hope you'll write more soon. I want to see more of Sky, by the way. She sounds like a real bitch :)Update soon
| HeartLikePorcelain chapter 8 . 7/24/2010
Thanks so much for your review! I will try to have a new chapter up soon] You should make an account(:. I hope you stay tuned, take care!
| Ricky chapter 8 . 7/24/2010
I read it all in the last hour and i want more, i am so captivated by this story and am thouroughly disappointed that it ended so abruptly. MORE
| Kristen Wallen chapter 8 . 5/29/2010
I think she'll live. I loved this chapter! (:
One suggestion, though, Ili:
There's this one part in this chapter that is just one big paragraph. My advice to you is don't write big paragraph's like that. People don't like to see that. Why? It confuses them, if you know what I mean. It's hard for them to read it like, for most.
Great job on the story otherwise! You're a very talented writer. I know this story will blow up soon. (:
| A. Nonymous1234 chapter 8 . 5/27/2010
YES THE GIRL MIGHT LIVE. xD Anyways, this is a truley powerful story as I've stated before, and I do hope you continue.
| castiel89 chapter 8 . 4/27/2010
Good job on this chapter. I think it seemed to have flown a little better. Keep it up! The only thing I can really say is that maybe if you have another paragraph the length of the one in here that starts with "I probably didn't mention that since the day I broke up with Skyla..." could be broken down into two. Sometimes paragraphs that long are a pain to read (I used to do it too. My beta broke me of that. And will correct me on it if I slip up lol)
| castiel89 chapter 7 . 4/19/2010
Finally getting around to reading your story! Don't think I forgot, just had an incredibly busy schedule.
Here we go:
The plot seems like it has some really great potential! I think it could have the potential to be even better if you were able to lengthen your chapters. Like, maybe explain a little more on how he's confused about the feelings he is experiencing. I think if you elaborate on that, it can connect with readers a whole lot more. Make them feel the emotions like it's their own. There were some grammatical errors (ie in one chapter "there" should have been "their") and you don't have to put spaces inbetween the "" and the letters when in dialouge.
Keep on writing! You have the potential!
| All Over You chapter 7 . 4/7/2010
okay, so here's my thoughts:
i think you have a great storyline from what i've read, but maybe you want to expand your chapters? because in my opinion, some of your chapters are so short, and they can be put together to make a long chapter. you had a few grammatical errors here and there, but nothing that can't be fixed. also, when you're writing dialogue, you don't need to have spaces between your quotations and the words like this: " green is awesome. " it should look like: "green is awesome."
anyway, keep writing, you have potential.
| toxical-love aka the author chapter 1 . 3/19/2010
apparently your the first that doesn't say something positive about my story, you read one chapter and say it's a bad story, it wasn't even a real chapter it was a way to start it off. i really don't care about your review and if you were trying to make me feel bad or something it didn't ] thanks a lot for your review, u didn't even say what you didn't like one chapter isn't a story for your info ].
| dumbasshe chapter 1 . 3/19/2010
that was not a good story
| A. Nonymous1234 chapter 7 . 2/13/2010
Wow, that was sad, yet a truly powerful story. You did a wonderful job.
| itsadangerouslove chapter 7 . 1/10/2010
HEHE GOOD JOB SOULSIS :)
and dont worry, you've still got readers!
THANKS FOR FEATURING ME IN IT :)
| Kiara Rosalee chapter 7 . 1/3/2010
Look, this is a great story *idea* but the story itself doesn't really grab me. This can easily be fixed with some serious revision. My suggestions would be revising for making the chapters longer and more descriptive instead of saying: he did this, then he did that. You're much farther along in your talent then most writer's on here, but I think revision would do this story good. Once again, I love the idea and some of the parts are very good and visual, such as when she's describing what she remembers like raindrops smacking the cement and so...but try not to make it too cliche, you know: "thunder echoing in my ears". Please revise and continue because this story really has potentail.