Reviews for From Point to Cove
The Somniac chapter 2 . 10/6/2013
Eh... I wish I could've gotten some sort of warning that this was a porn story with an affair in it.

I feel creeped out by the ease and reckless abandon in which she cheats on her doting boyfriend. When they started kissing, I skimmed for mentions of him in this chapter and the next and just couldn't stomach reading any more when I realized this was supposed to be part of the 'intrigue'.

I wish I'd chosen to read a more recent story of yours first, because I'm just too creeped out to read anything of your other works now.
Rin chapter 6 . 1/29/2013
An unrealistic, crazy story... But an absolutely beautiful fairy tale dream that entranced and enchanted me. This sounds like something I'd love to daydream about while at the ocean. A sad unexpected ending deeply full of longing. I wished Rachel returned the sexual favors as equally and as fully as the Sea Woman did.
Passionate Romantic chapter 7 . 8/13/2012
Yay! A sequel? I hope there is a happy ending.

Unfortunately I can't read it right now because I have to leave. But I will for sure read it later. Can't wait! So excited! :)

Thanks so much!
Passionate Romantic chapter 6 . 8/13/2012
I loved it but was very sad with the sad ending. I'm a sucker for happy endings. It's bittersweet. I wish there was some way they could be together. :(

Thank you.
Jkb chapter 7 . 1/11/2012
I love your writing style...soooo much :) it saddens me that they can't be together and darn Rachel for cheating but I'm glad she did other than the small mistakes, that could be easily fixed with the aid of a beta, the plot was wonderful and I couldn't hope for a better story. Keep up the great work :)
Jkb chapter 7 . 1/11/2012
I love your writing style...soooo much :) it saddens me that they can't be together and darn Rachel for cheating but I'm glad she did other than the small mistakes, that could be easily fixed with the aid of a beta, the plot was wonderful and I couldn't hope for a better story. Keep up the great work :)
The Crazy Cat Lady chapter 6 . 4/5/2011
I'm glad I decided to read this story. I'm sad that she didn't get to be with the sea woman :( The story is a mystery itself too. I wonder who the sea woman could really be. (Hopefully it'll be revealed in Liasions?)

Anyway, you describe the first-person narrator's thoughts in a lovely articulate way. Can't wait to read Liaisons now.
Isobel Rowan chapter 2 . 7/4/2010
Wow. What an interesting story. I don't think I've ever seen this idea in print before. I am definitely looking forward to reading the rest of the chapters. (BTW, I thought the poem in Chapter 1 was an awesome choice. It made me want to look the poet up.) Good job.
Zoe Marhassa chapter 2 . 4/6/2010
I've just started this story, but I feel bad for Peter, while at the same time I really want the main character and her naked sea lady to be together. I liked how you, transcending common mistakes made with male characters, made him a decent guy.

I could say that her following a naked lady is unrealistic, but in fiction of all levels of quality(and real life) tons of things don't make sense. The sex scene was great.
Zoe Marhassa chapter 1 . 4/6/2010
I know you didn't write this poem, but it was beautiful. Where'd you find it?
Brenda Agaro chapter 6 . 1/7/2010
Hello! :O

Okay, so I just finished reading your story. While I thought it was good, I also had mixed feelings for it (the development of plot and characters, actually), especially when I read the other chapters...

There's one thing that's been bothering me when reading, and this is my opinion, so feel free to disagree: The romance moves too fast. I know I said this in my last review, but as I read the rest, the interaction felt rushed and there's not much being fleshed out. It felt too short. I know that you could have intended this be a short story in parts, but it still feels like a lot were left hanging at the end (unless they're reserved for the sequel.) If you ever get to revise this, I can suggest adding more interaction. Description is good (as long as it's not lacking or purple prose), but there could be more interaction. More could be said about Rachel and the Sea Woman, rather than just description of what they're doing and their surroundings. The same with Peter. To me, there's not much backstory about him other than on chapter one. I really don't want to be harsh, but it just seems like Rachel and Sea Woman are mostly kissing and making love, which makes it unrealistic. Again, there's need to be interaction for development.

Another thing is the use of "-ing" words. As I said before, too much of them can slow down the pacing of the story. And there needs to be caution when writing fragment sentences.

This is an example:

"Walking down the stairs, he opened the door." - That is incorrect because one cannot walk down the stairs and open the door at the same time. "He walked down the stairs and to the hallway to open the door" is more clearer.

Also, it helps if there are more varied sentences to enhanced the structure of the story (fragments, complex, and those with helping verbs, etc.)

Overall, this is a decent story, but I honestly think that it could have been better if maybe more was fleshed out and there was development. But I'll be sure to read the sequel. You might have already improved, so forgive me for being redundant.
Brenda Agaro chapter 2 . 12/15/2009
Hello! I saw your post on the FateFiction forums about this story and I decided to take the time to check it out. I personally think that it's a promising story, though there are some things that I have to point out. If you disagree with anything, feel free to disregard as it is your story. I apologize if I seem harsh. I just want to be honest and help out.

I actually found it interesting that the woman of the sea in this story doesn't have a fish tail, like in some variations of myths about them. Although I'm a bit confused: is this the same woman who the main character felt could be watching her when on trips with Peter?

I thought the sexual encounter between the main character and the sea woman went too fast. There wasn't much interaction. I can suggest fleshing it out (have the main character talk to her, etc. before jumping into the sex. Give them some time to get to know each other. It just feels like the overused "love at first sight" device. The same can be said of the interaction with Peter. Maybe some more necessary details about their relationship, etc.? If there's going to be more about him in later chapters, then disregard this.

The word "said" has been repeated more than a few times in this chapter. The same with a few other words, including "asked" and "looked." Also, the part when the woman from the sea was described, I can suggest using a synonym for "brown" since the word has been repeated as well.

I'm definitely interested in this story and I'll read and review the rest. :-)

-*-

Corrections/Feedback:

{With a weariness that surpassed all ages and all times I kissed Peter goodbye, my eyes alighting upon his golden hair as he let me go and left for four days in the sunny month of June.} Sometimes starting a story with a fragmented sentence works, but I think this could be separated for flow. [ex: "With a weariness that surpassed all ages and all times, I kissed Peter goodbye. My eyes alighted upon his golden hair as he let me go. He left for four days in June.] "sunny month" doesn't seem necessary. It's telling and just "June" alone is enough for the readers.

{I Of course I never once questioned him about his trip, only to ask how long he would be gone, where and why.} "I Of course I never" - "Of" should be lowercased and there should be a comma before and after "of course." The second "I" should be omitted.

{“Its only for a few days, I’ll be back before you even know it. Its for the new album, promotions and tours and shows. I hope you don’t mind too terribly that you can’t come this time?”} "Its" should be "It's."

{I watched him from my perch at the counter, rubbing the white tiles beneath my fingertips with envy and relief.} I noticed that there are a few too many "-ing" words in this chapter. It's okay to use them, but many (same with fragmented sentences) can disrupt the flow for a lot of readers and it makes your piece weak, to be honest. Vary your sentences [ex: "I watched him from my perch at the counter and rubbed the white tiles beneath my fingertips with envy and relief.]

{Carefully and thoughtfully I packed a lunch for myself, deciding I would try to stay gone until the afternoon, if not sunset, and I quickly made lunch for myself, running up my carpeted stairs to the master bedroom to fetch my bathing suit and sailing shoes.} This could be separated and/or reworded. A person can't eat lunch and run up the stair at the same time. "stay gone" honestly doesn't make sense to me. And I think having the words "carefully" and "thoughtfully" together is overwriting (correct me if I'm wrong.) [ex: "Thoughtfully I packed a lunch for myself, deciding I would try to stay there until the afternoon. I treked up the carpeted stairs and into the master bedroom to fetch my bathing suit and sailing shoes."]

{The boat was shored close to the house, upside down and sun baked, and I looked down at it’s sun bleached bottom with pride.} its.

{All of the instruction he’d showed me about how to cast off and set sail came back to me and with a grim face I conquered the oncoming waves, swimming beside the boat until I could no longer touch the ocean floor.} instructions (?). I think there should be a comma after "back to me."

{Pulling myself out of my thoughts I checked to see if I had everything I needed and a few things I probably didn’t. I had brought a book, fishing gear, lunch, a warm blanket which I certainly wouldn’t need unless I got into the water, and a first aid kit just to be safe.} Vary the structure and punctuation in this part. [ex: "Pulling myself out of the thoughts, I checked to see if I had everything with me: a book, fishing gear, lunch, a warm blanket that wouldn't be needed unless I found myself in water, and a first aid kit."]

{I got the sail up with little difficulty and the wind caught me up immediately, and I smiled, the P \oint coming around quicker than I would have expected, certainly quicker than if I had been rowing at any rate.} I can suggest replacing "got" with another word to enhance the word choice in this chapter. "smiled" has been repeated - use a synonym. Is the forward slash in "Point" intentional? Also, the word "quick" has been repeated. Use a synonym or another word for at least one of them.

{My mouth fell partially open the longer I stared down at her, and somewhere in the pit of my stomach butterflies flew restlessly. I realized with some surprise that I was aroused by this woman who swam so effortlessly before me, insanely aroused and peculiarly curious.} The part about the "butterflies" could be reworded. From what I've learned, it's an overused cliche. And I can suggest showing that she's aroused. Use facial expressions, body language, etc.

{But the darkness began to overtake me, and I knew then, as the ocean currents and the woman, hands around my waste, pulled me faster and faster through the tunnel that I could do nothing to help myself, my eyes closing involuntarily.} "waste" should be "waist." This sentence (which is a run-on; I'm not sure if that's your intention) could be separated for flow and to hook readers [ex: But the darkness began to overtake me. The woman wrapped her hands around my waist and led me further into the tunnel, faster and faster. My eyes closed involuntarily."]

{My eyes fluttered open to a cave lit only by a whole in the ceiling through which I could see the blue afternoon sky.} "whole" should be "whole."

{She seemed happy that I’d opened my eyes, and smiled a deep warm smile, leaning from her place on her knees beside me to kiss my stomach, an action which made me blush deeply.} I can suggest replacing the comma after "stomach" with a dash.
Twelfth Night chapter 2 . 11/14/2009
Sorry if I seem a bit...callus...in this review. It's how I write them! Please don't hate me:

The second sentence (I think) should be stated more like 'I, of course, never...' or 'Of course I never...' because I'm wondering which way you wanted to go with. The first line seemed a bit melodramatic to me, but maybe that's what you were going for?

There was some confusion in the first dialogue with Peter. 'Its' should be 'It's' because you mean 'it is'.

Congrats on the description. You put in just enough, something people (me) have trouble with. Either we put in too much imagery and bore our readers or not enough and paint a a vague picture for them. You did neither of these. Bravo!

I might be front but when he asks, "...see if you can come baby?" It should end with a 'He asked'. Right? I'm not sure.

I'm sort of iffy on telling you this, since you already finished it and all, but unless she's bisexual or something, I doubt she wouldn't deny her arousal for the swimming naked lady.

I'm half and half on whether you were right to make her go so easily with Naked Lady or if she should've resisted-further drawing out the overall fic.

Maybe she should consider Peter? Or, maybe she's hypnotized by Naked Lady? Seems like she gave out a little too easily to Naked Lady. Eh, I'm just throwing around my opinion (that can be ignored).
Twelfth Night chapter 1 . 11/14/2009
Hm, so that's what those quotes right before the story starts are called. I'm such an idiot. I just thought of looking you up on the OC slash fiction part of fatefiction!
Slightly Ajar chapter 6 . 9/26/2009
O, I liked it! Some of the questions Rachel posed and the way she took the girl to be a sort-of-mermaid without much doubt was a little unrealistic, but what's life without a little bit of unrealism? Well-written, quite some grammar errors, but it was compelling enough that I barely noticed! Very nice ending as well!
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