|Reviews for A Drop of Poison|
| ArcadianCrown chapter 1 . 10/16/2013
Sorry it took so long to return the review :) Glad I chose this piece
You certainly end on a dramatic, gripping note and I genuinely want to know what's going to happen next because of it. Whatever your situation is it seems fairly interesting, a fairly rough take on the vampire cliché and I like your interpretation of it. Sometimes your imagery and the visual locations of your characters become a little clouded and some bits were a little confusing without rereading previous sections, but maybe that's just my early morning mind being stoopid.
You write with great momentum and you paced your story well, never dragged anything out for too long. My only criticism is that some of the description is under-done, a little confusing at times and you mention eye colour and awful lot- not a particularly helpful identification for characters and a rather repetitive element.
Overall though this had a wonderful hook and the ending I liked especially. Will definitely be back to read more when I can :)
Good luck with the rest!
| the ticking clock chapter 7 . 10/10/2012
I LOVE LOVE LOVE these drabbles...wow. amazing.
| M.R. Hill chapter 2 . 11/29/2011
- Finally, this allowed me to respond! Stupid net acting up...REGARDLESS, I promised you two because I took so long to get to it and here is your second. :)
- Throughout it, I was looking for that strong thing to snag me in. While I do feel it's type of things I generally suspect of vampire genre, there is one thing in it that grasp me enough to want to continue. That's more so changing factor. Now I know it's all apart of the style of such stories, but I'm a huge fan of character development. I only hope it doesn't just go in predictable route. Becoming better or worst is fine with me, as long as the journey is an entertaining one to it. Really, mainstream media has ruined most vampires for me as of now, with only ones I really take serious being, say, Angeleus from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'm hoping that your story can become another one of those I take serious. At sec I'm looking for that huge sparking moment that traps in my attention. I've confidence you'll pull that off! :)
- Another note, I'd love to see how the whole thing with hunters is handled. Especially if there was some sort of rival hunter after her because of the conflict which could come out of that. With how much potential for stories there that exist, I'd love to see a conflict there. So many twists and turns already come to mind, I wonder which you'll pick :D
- I will admit the name Poison doesn't work for me for protagonist. It seems like it's trying too hard to have a Gothic vibe to it and falls flat.
| M.R. Hill chapter 1 . 11/29/2011
- Apologies for taking so long, been bit busy here and there. As an apology, I'll give you an extra review for that one which you don't have to worry about paying back while continuing on through your work.
- Nice opening line to capture the atmosphere. I do like how to flowed right into the things. Particularly the imagery of the characters and interactions. Plus I have to say that by introducing the boy first of all and how he is that way, you really set the tone for the type of story this is going to be. Each word after that doesn't disappoint in continuing that vibe.
- Punction note, you shouldn't use periods at the end of dialogue, particularly when. The reason behind this is because the period's stopping power when reading makes reader take pause then then go short line after. It's far better rhythm wise to go "Blah blah blah," Person A said. By using the period, it gives a short, choppy feel that robs your flow.
- I do love the use of nothingness in later part to create horror vibe! Stick with it, that is a perfect thing to invoke in the build up in suspense. I'd probably suggest adding to the mood and atmosphere of the nothing. More it needs a bit of anticipation and dread to it. Make the reader suffer in suspense as to what's going to happen. Such as describe area around in whatever details then at the end put "Nothing. Nothing at all." or however it would fit in. It would create an excellent contrast effect that would really help build the horror.
- Once more, apologies for the wait, I hope this helps to make it up. :) OH! And for personal reasons, I love the pick of Marcus for a character's name ;)
| lookingwest chapter 2 . 11/27/2011
I like the idea of this being a snapshot kind of story with reoccurring character and then different situations-that's unique and it makes for fun switching around. Looking forward to see how you handle the different themes and leave a string of similarities throughout.
News made its way around the un-dead much quicker than it did with the living. [LOVED this line, very cool, very cool. I feel like it says so much and it was just...yeah, very clever, haha.]
I like how you show us the rules of your vampire world, especially towards the end concerning Ifan and vampire emotion and everything. I thought seeing some Welsh was fun, that's a language I don't normally come across while reading and it gives the story a unique edge that I don't think happens too often. Otherwise I feel like you addressed a lot of common vampire themes, the coven, leaving the coven, different social codes, and you addressed them in an easy to understand way. I'm liking Poison as a character for sure, there's sympathy there I didn't expect to find in the character and I think you've constructed Poison really well! This carries with interest!
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 11/27/2011
"Yes." He replied... [Edit: needs a comma after "yes" and to un-capitalize "He"]
I saw the same mistake above happen a few times so maybe go back and comb through for those dialogue/speaker tag errors. It just makes the dialogue easier to read when it's smooth and read correctly as one sentence instead of two that make it become more stilted.
I really liked this as an opening chapter. Even without the story description you provide us with solid characters and also a setting of place and time period. I think the idea of placing it around when Jack the Ripper was at large is great, especially concerning if we're dealing with vampires or creatures similar.
Also, I enjoyed the attention you give to eyes because it kept things interesting and the flash of them kept the character descriptions fresh too. I think you did an excellent job keeping the attention focused and I never got lost with who was speaking because of that.
Liked how you ended on a bit of a cliff hanger, this kind of reminds me of Anne Rice, and it's been a long time since I've read her works, so I really appreciated the style!
| Old xRayneWolfx account chapter 1 . 11/4/2011
Why haven't I read this before! I like it . aii I'm odd sometimes.. This was a good read and I'm edger to read more of this when school isn't kicking my ass Dx. :) The horror aspects were interesting, leading the suspense toward's Ruby's upcoming attack and the characters were mysterious.. So yeah, like I said, I like it. see you in the next chapter.
| the ticking clock chapter 4 . 8/20/2011
I love this story. Poisen is so fascinating, and the way you write theses scenes is beautiful-dark and thoughtful and strangly at times, human. good stuff.
| the ticking clock chapter 3 . 4/28/2011
Once again, amazing! I really hope you will decide to continue this story, i enjoy reading about Poisen's struggles! :)
| the ticking clock chapter 2 . 4/28/2011
Once again, you countinue to impress me by the way you describe the scenery, the emotions, the charectors...It puts us right in the story!
| the ticking clock chapter 1 . 4/28/2011
Wow! I love how you write vampire stories! This was really, really well done. :)
| macabre thoughts chapter 3 . 1/7/2011
...He killed her! No!
The rational part of my brain said it was the right thing to do, but I won't listen. For oneshots, these are really awesome. I love the way they're going so far.
I like William. He's so whimsical to the point of being amoral, and that plays an excellent foil to Poison's deadly seriousness.
"Not while I'm still standing." I loved that part. Illustrating old turns of phrase is a lot of fun sometimes, and you did it very well.
I'm very inspired by the overall theme of this collection; instead of writing a story about the character, you've found away to use up the little ideas that annoy you. I can really identify with that and I might (if it doesn't feel like copying) even try it with one of my own characters.
It's awesome. Good luck getting more ideas!
| Kobra Kid chapter 2 . 1/3/2011
I really enjoyed this! Poison is an awesome character, and I am SO glad that you don't make any vampires those sparkling prissy ones like from Twilight. I'm sick of them. Actually, more like disgusted. Bleck. ANYWAYS. I also loved how you incorporated Jack The Ripper into this as well! It makes the story more real, which is always great! Everything was perfectly fine, as usual! Dialogue? Perfect. Descriptions? Great. Characters? Realistic! Keep it up!
Can you payback via RFTA? Thanks!
| Narq chapter 3 . 12/31/2010
Oh, NO? he didn't do it? He lied to her?
I don't know if it's noble or not! well, I think in a way it is. It shows that he really wants 'the best' for her and he doesn't do anything 'in the name of love'.
She squeezed it, pulling the girl closer.
- I felt that since you wanted more tension here, it could be "she squeezed, jerking the girl closer"
because the atmosphere is really tense and there's action at the start of the chapter, I felt that you really could've used stronger verbs and shorter sentences. Great job though!
| Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 12/12/2010
Great job with this! I loved your descriptions of the characters, especially the small boy in the beginning. Truly fantastic! My only critic is that I was getting confused on who was who. Maybe its because its 4 A.M. over here & I'm still up writing and reviewing, but I still couldn't tell who was William and who Poison was. If you just clear that up, it'll be perfect! Great job!
I have just updated Rise From The Ashes. If you don't mind, may you please review that? Thank you! (: