|Reviews for the pretenses of a scripted romance|
| for shame chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
the references make total sense.
but the format is a little iffy, for me.
i think too many parenthesis detracts from the purpose of parenthesis.
but generally speaking, i love this.
| stolen hugs chapter 1 . 5/13/2009
(get a grip.)"
"and your nothings—
(oh, they’re not so sweet anymore.)"
| deefective chapter 1 . 4/8/2009
Haha, it's not rambling. I understood all of it. I love this part:
your sunlit smile
and golden, well-versed tongue—
(no light is breaking;
i am not the sun.)
Sounds like the narrator is thoroughly fed up with all that "It is the East and Juliet is the sun" stuff. Beautifully written.
| Quixotic Daydreamer chapter 1 . 4/8/2009
That was awesome! lol, it made sense to me, and fit pretty well too since in the first version of Romeo and Juliet both the actor/actress hated each other...haha
| Cloverless chapter 1 . 4/7/2009
Let me not impede the progress of great minds, but I am required by the my innate Englishman to explain something here: Wherefore is an archaic form of "Why?" not "Where are you?". In Romeo & Juliet the question asked is "Why are you Romeo?" She's contemplating on the meaning of a name, hence why, in the same scene, she makes her remark about how a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. If you need further proof, lo and behold what I bring unto ye: dictionary./search?qwherefore
Also, in that same first stanza, "to" should be "too". In the following stanza "you're" should be "your".
Otherwise, I do like it and must agree with the bulk of what the previous poster, ms. ogynist.
Keep up the good work.
| ms. ogynist chapter 1 . 4/7/2009
this poem’s put an exciting twist on one of shakespeare’s most famous plays; most regard romeo & juliet as a romance tale of two “star-cross’d lovers”, but love at first sight is rarely truly heard of in these times & so from a modern perspective it allows us to wonder if the pair really were in love, or if it were a moment of foolish infatuation or lust. looking into such musings, i feel that you’ve done shakespeare’s piece great justice, although i also understand that this piece may not be entirely based on romeo & juliet & instead you’re using their relationship as a comparison for your, or your narrator’s, own. either way, it was definitely effective. (:
the concept of using two differing viewpoints – i’m assuming they’re the same person & one is what is said aloud & the other is the true feeling kept inside – makes interesting reading. it’s identifiable to say one thing & mean another, & where the thoughts have betrayed the real emotions (especially during the rosaline stanza) the narrator’s heartache, suspicion, envy & possibly even hatred becomes blaringly apparent, & as a reader i feel for her deeply. i love how without the bracketed lines it’s seems like a confession of love & longing, but the contradictory parenthesised lines give everything a whole new depth.
your method of formatting is striking, i love how it’s not just the words that you’ve decided to bold but the brackets themselves as well – it really draws attention to what really is important & honest. i also like the dashes & how they begin with the false romantic gesture but then lead on to the reality.
“quixotic voice” & “delicate eulogies” demonstrate your use of the english language, & quite frankly both examples sound really pleasant & poetic, so quit your worrying. (: i adore your play on “sweet nothings” & how you’ve made the notion entirely bittersweet, & the reference to the breaking light expresses juliet’s frustration with her romeo perfectly. last but not least, the last line is wonderful; i especially like how you’ve emphasised the “less”. (:
there’s not really anything i can criticise. there are a few spelling errors, but they’re dismissible (“gone far to long” should be “gone far too long” & “you’re sweet tune” should be “your sweet tune” but everyone messes up to/too & your/you’re once in a while). i was thrown off a bit by the ‘r’ in rosaline being capitalised at first, seeing that everything else was in lower case – even romeo’s name. but then it kind of makes sense – the body of this poem is displaying a disgust for romeo so it would seem sensible if his name was stripped of it’s upper cased initial. alternatively maybe the narrator felt that rosaline deserved a capitalised ‘r’. or maybe it was just the autocorrect function that microsoft word has. :P
all in all, a big thumbs up. (: i enjoyed it a lot, & hope to see more of your poetry soon!
(oh, & sorry if i sound like a pompous twat, that’s not me at all haha. (:
i like giving structured reviews & i have an exam in english literature & language soon so it makes great practice.
also, my review speaks of how i see & think of the poem, please don’t think that i’m trying to tell you that i know it better than you the author; the poem just really engrossed me. :P)
| Dani P chapter 1 . 4/7/2009
very good. i liked it a alot and anyone who knows romeo and juliet would get the refrences. well done