Reviews for i am
diffident chapter 1 . 4/10/2009
Good poem and I love the consistent motif of metaphors, but there are a few typos/errors in this.

The fourth line seems to be incomplete. Did you mean, "what i did wrong," possibly? And in the fifth, "of making" or "to make" rather than "to making."

The seventh line is confusing. Your thoughts are in his head? The eight line makes me think that you mean "YOUR thoughts in MY head."

I suggest putting a comma after "child prodigy making friends" rather than a period. And maybe put a comma after "maybe you already have" before "you sly dog" to break up that phrase and make it easier to read.

And I really object to the use of boldface in the sixth stanza. It's completely unnecessary; your reader will understand the connection between similes and "like" and "as." This website IS dominated by poetry after all.

Perhaps get rid of "feel" in the eighth stanza. It would strengthen the connection between you and your emotions, in this case hyperactive and confused. Get rid of the middleman. And "it is just a fact, i cannot change that" is a run on sentence. Semi-colon or period, no comma.

Same with "...honorable mention, i am just here to make you feel better." In this case I suggest a period after the first line of that stanza and a comma after the second, as the third line is a fragment.

And get rid of the commas in the ninth stanza. Lines in poetry do not not not have to end with a punctuation. I see that you do this to every line in this poem; perhaps it is another motif, and in that case simply put each pair of lines together.

Anyway, sorry for the gratuitous edits, but I think this poem could be great but for the typo and grammar issues. Keep writing!

marie