|Reviews for Clone|
| SamuelH73 chapter 5 . 6/1/2009
A very interesting story! The exploration of the use of clones and the ethical and moral quandaries which undoubtedly will arise is a well-known path, but your story is certainly fresh in the execution, if not the subject.
"Ode" was somewhat jarring; being in the middle of the story it interrupted the flow with no real reason for being there. I was a little confused as to why and what it was doing there; I understood the writer of the poem (if indeed that is what it was) is a character in the story, but it was abrupt. Other than that, I didn't find anything else that was problematic. Your story is very well-written, articulate and thought provoking. I look forward to reading more of it as it comes out! Excellent work!
| Rachel chapter 5 . 5/28/2009
Yay updateness! I like muchly. William's ace.
And I agree with you on that line, it's a good line
"Rest assured my dictionary only goes as far as V" Oh does it indeed, have you been watching a certain film?
| VelvetyCheerio chapter 5 . 5/27/2009
Oh, Beatles, this chapter was a tease! XD It was still good, in way of the plot. Clone has escaped? Yayz! I hope they never find him. XD
[What did you and the other guards do when it shouted and stood?] This doc seems quite intent on making sure Mr. Clone is not considered human. Hmm.
[They are little more than shadows and shades.] I like this for some reason. It sounds like a cult or something, mysterious like. :D
[Seems to be affecting a lot of people in this place.] *snickersnicker*
[Wit, sir? No, sir. Rest assured my dictionary only goes as far as V.] Bwahahahahaha! I rather like this William fellow. XD
[The K-Träume?] Fancy, smancy. XD It actually sounds really cool.
[WS: Right-o, sir. Awaiting your questions, sir. Wouldn’t want to forget my place, sir. Heaven forbid, sir.
DB: Shut up.
WS: Sir.] I couldn't quite stop smiling during this interaction. Oh the sass of William. XD
[He had more humanity in that one scream than I think you’ll ever have for all your talk. You’re nothing, sir. Nothing.
DB: I see... Anything else at all?] Hmm, is the doc a clone? Look at that uninterested reply! O: He must be a clone.
[Not ye- You have resigned, William!] Haha, foiled them again! Good job, William! XD
This was awesome, B! I'm so excited though, to find out more in this ever growing plot. Happy writing... cause I'm watching you. O_O
| Galadriel1010 chapter 4 . 5/10/2009
(Yes, I've caught up... Slowly)
I love it, the jarring simplicity of it, layers of meaning concealed in single word instructions. Slightly terrifying
| VelvetyCheerio chapter 4 . 5/9/2009
Oh, Beatles, you make us wait so long for such a short chapter... tsk tsk! Oh well, at least you updated! :D
Okay, so the thoughts in this chapter were very disconnected. And I suppose that's just Mr. Clone's character since he's only just learning about the world, but man, I had to read this sentence several times, and I'm still not quite sure I get it:
[There are some other men. On the outside. They are carrying shapes. They keep touching the same-men with the shapes.] Seriously, I could not-can not-get this sentence past me. Every time I read it, or look at it, a brick wall comes up.
Other than that, I love how Mr. Clone puts all his thoughts together, the way all the pieces just sort of fall in to place in his head. Really well done.
Next update will be a more satisfyingly(?) long chapter right? Right? D:
Velvet. (Just cause I wanted to) :D
| Maplewing chapter 4 . 5/9/2009
Ahh, this is excellent stuff. At first this chapter was rather strange (but that's understandable) with the same-men and "shapes". But it was really cool to watch the narration gain gradual awareness of what's going on. "The shapes... they become... words... Connections. Words." That line is awesome. And I love the ending. Seems like another promising chapter, nicely done. :D
| Denizen47 chapter 3 . 4/14/2009
For one, you have to wonder where in the day a founder of such a large and fairly suspect company has time to write poetry.
Onto the poem itself, [,sub-existent.] Sounds pretty, but means little else. The implication is that they *dont* exist, as the guy who created them - i'm fairly sure they do.
The worthless question though works well, saves the line in many ways.
I think the following two lines are a bit odd. [Created from nothing, returned to nothing.] once again sounds good, but somewhat redundant with the second line following. [A continuous cycle of meat and muscle.] This works much better, because of it's implications into the current trade in animals. Though meat *is* muscle. So the "and" operator needs something additional - meat and bone. blood and muscle. The latter is probably too clinical - following the thread of Clones as animals.
You know what this reminds me of though? Those articles, letters and things tacked onto each issue of Watchmen. A great way of getting exposition out of the way without interrupting the story. But maybe it'd be better to have a story chapter, additional info. chapter, story chapter ect...
Or not... Who knows!
Anyway will read on. When you update.
| Denizen47 chapter 2 . 4/14/2009
Clever, use of the letter format. Gives us the date, though i'm guessing our clone is a bit further up the timeline eh? Not much else to say on this one except it's a little jarring to see "Yours apologetically," this guy - being a scientist - will most probably be more used to convention. To me sincerely would fit better...
And as there is familiarity the surname is unnecessary. Though I can understand that you're trying to tell the reader the full name, so we'll let it slide :P
| Denizen47 chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
So yeah, an interesting start. But a few things seem a bit jarring:
["Dearheart Bioindustrial Enterprises PLC, making your life easier by using our own."]
The name of the company doesn't make sense, if it's an enterprise then it wouldn't be a plc. A public limited company would be public shared ownership, which is either something on the stockmarket or government run. Maybe just calling it Dearheart Bioindustries would work better?
And then there is the self-awareness factor. Hard to know where your MC stands, they seem to describe surroundings perfectly fine. Aside from "crowded" and "Clone" they already know what they're talking about. It would be better to clarify the level of understanding - can the Clone speak english? Can they think independently? If so, then understanding of the word "clone" should be simple.
Otherwise a solid start, will continue reading.
| Carus chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
Hi Beatles! This is your April Fool's review that is nearly late but oh well! :D
First off - I am so so intrigued as to where you're going to go with this story :) I love stories like this, haha. I think that the prologue is great.
First chapter; methinks there are too many exclamation marks. Also:
"if not for our sakes, then at least the world!" should be something like:
"if not for our sakes, then at least for the world's!"
"and I spat on it, I spat on it like I spat on you and your wonderful ideas..."
I love this bit :) Repetition of 'spat' really gives the tone of the letter a violent edge.
And I like the names you came up with. One bit stood out a bit: "this internet messaging stuff". The "stuff" seems to be out of character for Harold (lawl) to say, as the rest of his speech is quite high class etc. :P
Third chapter: fine, not sure if it constitutes a chapter on its own though. It seems to be more like something you'd put at the beginning of a longer chapter in order grab the reader's interest. How many chaps are you planning on? Can I beta? :D
Oh, just noticed this; "Bioindustral" should that be bioindustrial?
Gimme more of this story, m'dear. :D
| Maplewing chapter 3 . 4/13/2009
More variety! This time in the form of corporate creed! Yay, at the risk of sounding like a McDonalds drone- I'm loving it.
Not much to comment upon, but this was really cool. I'm enjoying this story.
| Maplewing chapter 2 . 4/13/2009
Sweeney. Heheh. Sorry, I find anything with the "ee" sound in it to be remotely funny.
Anyway. Moving along. I like this whole letter-as-a-chapter thing. The "Oh, how we laugh when I call you 'dear', it's our little pun, isn't it? You know how I prefer paper and pen to all this internet messaging stuff, e-mails and such. This feels more real to me, and you know that is important. Things must feel real." part was awesome; I like the old-fashioned, for lack of a better word, quality of this letter. You know, using "cannot" instead of "can't", using "sincerely"... that sort of thing.
So, another good chapter. I like to see this sort of variety and switching between characters.
| Maplewing chapter 1 . 4/13/2009
I like it so far. The scrambled thoughts of this clone are great, and I love that you have dialogue in between each fragment of an observation. It's interesting to see the world through the eyes of someone who's so new to it, and you've handled that pretty well. In fact, very well. Nice job with this; I can't wait to see where it goes. :D
| Fang chapter 3 . 4/12/2009
Not logging in, just cause. :)
Oh, oh! So Jacques is the founder...then who the heck is Harold? A friend? Founder of a rival company? Hmm.
I wonder how old Jacques was when he wrote this ode... not that it would be a bad thing if he was like, thirty or whatever, but...I dunno. Nevermind. :P
Good job. More Mr. Clone! Thank you. :D
| Guest chapter 2 . 4/12/2009
Ooh, a letter...hmm. Well, I can definitely tell that this Harold character is either a desperate crazy scientist, or he's just a very sad man.
Hopefully Jacques won't be lame and rip up the letter, cause I really want to see him in future chapters. He already sounds like the type that is mysterious and cool, but has insane ideas that make you want to hate him. :P
Okay, next chapter! Happy belated Easter by the way! :D