Reviews for Snowdrift
whatdotheydream chapter 1 . 12/14/2013
Wow, that was really...wow...I liked the end. I could see it all play out in my head, slowly, tragically. Hmmm. Like snow, I guess. I don't know; it is late, and I am tired.
My Parakeet Has Issues chapter 1 . 12/24/2010
Oh no! D: I wanted this to end with Derrick on the phone! x( Which just proves how into this I was. :D Very nice suspence. I could totally relate to how she's coming up with horrible scenarios in her head. Except, my scenarios don't usually come true.

Anywho, this was fun to read and would be a nice, fun challenge to perform. :)

Keep Writing,

My Parakeet Has Issues
M.J. Roy chapter 1 . 6/24/2009
So, I read this out loud, haha. It was definitely emotionally charged, as previously stated. I read it out loud without reading it through beforehand, and I could feel the character's emotion without even knowing what came next.

I love love love your sentence structure, and how you switch between short and very long run-ons. People often forget when writing dialogue and monologue that it is completely different from structured grammar, but you hit the nail on the head. My only suggestions is that you could probably cut back on the repetition, (ex. crazy crazy crazy, etc.) I also noticed that you used "please" a huge number of times, and, especially when reading it out loud, it's pretty noticeable. You could probably cut some out or change the wording.

You've probably read this out loud yourself, but try it again, as fully in the character as you can get. Try to see what words you might cut out. Sometimes it's not in what the character says, but how they say it. So in spots where you felt the need to explain more about how she was feeling, you could probably cut back on because the actor can handle that through body language and tone, etc. Leave it more open to interpretation.

But overall, very nicely done!
PotoPerson chapter 1 . 4/12/2009
Excellent job! This is definiitly emotionally charged.

Keep on writing!;D