|Reviews for true love isn't always forever|
| she smolders chapter 1 . 10/7/2009
Tattoos are forever though, and it's easy to forget the pain they caused in the beginning once they scab over.
But in this poem you talk about deeper hurts and the story you tell feels so real that my heart aches for him too now. Take care.
| ms. ogynist chapter 1 . 4/19/2009
wow, intensely elegiac, but in the prettiest sense of course.
there are two prominent interpretations that have been made apparent to me, although both lead to similar emotions & a comparable ending – possibly your word choice has been purposefully crafted to draw parallels between these two understandings. the first would be the tale of a once sweet relationship that has sadly drawn to a close; during this time the male has had his lover’s name tattooed on his body as an ode to the mythical “true love” he believes that he has found. upon their relationship’s end, he realises that ink only means so much & no declaration of eternity on his skin will ever ensure that his lover will remain with him. alternatively, the second revolves are the almost violent or distressing lexis you’ve chosen: “carved”, “bruising”, “crying out in pain” & the general references to injury – these give the poem a hidden aura of what could be described as self-harm, although musing on a lost love in itself could be seen as a kind of emotional self-harm if the relationship was somewhat obsessive. it’s words like “carved” that make it seem like instead of ink, the person in question may have taken a blade to themselves so share their declaration of love, or to release pain of the fact they can never have their beloved. it’s also rather similar to the placebo song “every you every me” where brian molko sings “carve your name into my arm, instead of stressed i lie her charmed”. the sense of “carving” is also reminiscent of the act of young, apparently love stuck, teenagers who will carve their names or initials on a tree, surrounded by a heart, to symbolise their undying emotions for each other. but suddenly, this interpreted sense of self harm & the hurt he feels, coupled with fact that you claim “true love isn’t always forever” despite the fact that fairytales would beg to differ, also gives me the dreadful feelings that possibly the female in this poem, & relationship, is absent for she is deceased, echoed by “she is still”. either way, it shows the narrator’s dependency on his love & the how he suffers without her there, & i love just how much there is to interpret & the various ways you can do so. (:
“justice”, however, being the first word is really interesting; he realises that justice is present & thus, i assume, he realises that what’s happened is for the best & he deserved what happened. maybe this is a sense of karma, he was abusive towards her & paid the price, or he was more a stalker than a lover & hurt her with his consistent following. but justice is such a loose term; most people will claim to be just & have some sort of morals, but there are still so many people who discriminate & thus are not just, or are sorely tempted to be revengeful which by some is seen as a slightly more twisted sense of justice – basically, justice means different things to different people & it’s interesting to ponder upon exactly what justice the narrator is subject to.
i also adore the metaphoric stance to the feelings he has in the pit of his stomach – the baseball bats that seem to knock the wind out of him & make his completely aware to the sting of the situation. the last six lines are so incredibly painful to read; he tosses the softballs but still is hit in the stomach, as if he has bad aim, as if he is trying to find methods to rid himself of this heartache but none of them are working, he keeps going wrong in this methods, & so the pain is still with him, keeping him awake & his mind whirring.
the tone is so tragic & heart-wrenching – “crying out in pain, crying out for change” is so powerful, allowing me to fully sympathise with the narrator. everything about the poem is brilliant, right up to the sentence length. the poem consists of only three sentences, & thus the poem is so much more poignant than they probably should be for such a short amount of words; but these sentences make for a certainly influential rule of three, & it’s great how they become longer & longer as the narrator is consumed by his thoughts &, ultimately, his grief.
it’s a lovely poem, however unlovely the subject matter may be. but it’s honest & it’s brave & it’s haunting. your style is spectacular, & your writing is both wonderful & heartbreaking at the same time. this is a fantastic, utterly fantastic. (:
| Julius Gillian chapter 1 . 4/18/2009
You know what, even the title alone is enough to review. This poem is profoundly true, and I love it. I endorse it because I've been devoted to this one girl for my entire senior year and nothing became of it. I came to America just this year, and she's known all her friends for years, I could never compete with those odds. What's worse, I fell for her; she happened to be the best I've ever seen in a person too, which made it more devastating. But I feel and relate in this poem what I've gone through. Your poetry pulls at my heart strings once again! :)
| Elyon Bliss chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
wow. really good!
| Ernest Bloom chapter 1 . 4/13/2009
another illustration of the
folly of deigning to tattoo
you. this afternoon i started
getting the idea for a future
piece i'm certain to write that
concerns itself, as i've done
previously, with the indefacible
soul borne like a steely pearl
within soft and so bruisable
flesh. cos justice is a good
idea that seems to be encountered
only rarely in life, and then
nearly always by accident, in
which case it can scarcely be
'justice' at all; more likely a
form of reluctant destiny, and it
could be that is why the soul is
so resistant to shock, and the
trick is to discover how to love
even under the hammer blows of
abject cruelty experienced by the
transient flesh; the soul lingers,
persistent, slowly, so slowly,
accumulating wisdom. or you come
back as an amphibian, like a
newt, maybe, or some of us less,
like perhaps a carrot.
| diffident chapter 1 . 4/13/2009
I love the metaphor and the lines "only toss / softballs to the bats that sock / him in the gut." I would suggest getting rid of the first comma in line thirteen; it kind of fudges up the flow.