|Reviews for Lacuna: A Tale of Elusive Love and Self Discovery|
| P chapter 4 . 5/31/2009
im so glad that you have dune POV's because if it was only in another persons pov then dune would be so hard to read as a character.
| ree.4.jasp chapter 2 . 5/31/2009
you're great. thanks for the mail. btw. falling in love with sam. :)
| ree.4.jasp chapter 1 . 5/26/2009
wow. thats a twist. at the start i thought that the name dune was a flop, but she has some real personality am the name it growing on me.
| KiriNoMiko chapter 3 . 5/14/2009
I'm liking this so far, but there a couple of little niggly things I have to pick at.
The first is when you're comparing Cal and Sam, instead of using brackets, if you use a colon instead, it'll say the same thing and look a little better/more sophisticated. In some cases actually, you don't need a colon either: the part with Mel and their Love Shack, you can just use "-".
Erm ... yesh that's all! Loving the sotry though .
| M.D.Irvine chapter 4 . 5/10/2009
There's a whole section in the fourth scene that's full of characters and numbers I cant explain it but take a look at the chapter posted so I guess I didn't read a whole chunk of the chapter
Besides that, it was nice introducing Jeannie and the thing between her and Sam was shown well. He likes her, has always liked her, and is jealous of Pierre but he doesnt want to do anything because he knows he would end up hurting her since their friendship will be replaced by a fling not a relationship. Sighs.
| M.D.Irvine chapter 3 . 5/10/2009
So this was learning more about Sam. The medical student (good choice! otherwise the whole cervical question would have been really creepy.)
I know you had Sam's POV in one of the scenes in this chapter but I don't feel like it revealed much. It was good reading that he thought Dune was a nice girl but from her POV I am already getting that about her personality.
I don't know maybe because it was such a small section, I feel like the whole chapter can be in Dune's POV.
Maybe if Sam had a longer scene or his own chapter.
On another note, congrats on writing this whole chapter in one day!
| M.D.Irvine chapter 2 . 5/9/2009
Oh another comment I was going to make after reading your author's note in the first chapter is that if you know that you are going to have M rated chapters, you should rate your story M. That's just a personal preference. I just feel that if someone picks a T rated story they expect it to stay T through out. With M, even if it starts alright the reader will expect M rated chapters.
Okay here in the first few paragraphs, I get to understand Dune more and Cal as well. People are multifaceted. Now it seems like Cal did all this as a sort of ultimatum. Say you love me or I'll leave you. Yeah, she did good by leaving. It was definitely a difficult decision considering she could have lied and stayed with him because she had issues with her parents and had nowhere else to stay. It was also extra difficult quitting her job (relationships with coworkers tend to always end badly) So good for her!
My only part that struck me as odd in this chapter is that she assumed that Sam was a girl? I don't know. Isn't Sam primarily a guy's name? If I saw the name Sam I would first think it's a guy not a girl. I understand Sam thinking Dune was a guy( the name is unusual and strong)
"...So, uh, I'll go, and you can resume your...copulation!" Copulation very odd choice and it makes me wonder about Dune a bit more. She seemed less awkward about sex in the scene with Cal but almost innocent in the words she used when mentioning Mel and Cal and ah Gossip Girl.
Of course, you have a reason for this. It was just something that stood out to me.
I liked the last line. It reveals a bit more about Dune. If she were capable of loving, she'd fall for Sam.
Was it just being independent with parents that were always away that made her think she was incapable of loving or something else because the problems seem to have stemmed way before Cal but I can't see it starting with her parents either.
| M.D.Irvine chapter 1 . 5/9/2009
Hello. I'd say this is a good introductory chapter. It jumps straight into the scene and we get to see the events through Dune's point of view.
My first thought was Dune seems very reluctant and put out by her relationship with Cal. She describes him waking her up in a playful manner as unfortunate, she hopes he forgot their one year anniversary and doesn't want him to say he loved her. It seems she doesnt think too much of him, he is spoiled and she can usually placate him with sex but in the next few chapters she seems really affected by his cheating.
I'm not saying that she shouldn't feel hurt by his actions (and his personality isn't a winning one) but at the same time it was almost something she should have seen coming (maybe not the cheating but the break up) considering her actions in this scene.
I'm not sure if I'm explaining it right but I hope you understand what I am getting at here.
| Guest chapter 4 . 5/1/2009
Great chapter can't wait for the next one!
| Twist Their Emotions chapter 4 . 4/30/2009
Good job. The characters are quirky/cute/entertaining and the story is fun to read, but sometimes it feels like it isn't going anywhere. The plot needs to progress at a steady rate.
| Lady Wrye chapter 4 . 4/30/2009
I realize that you wanted constructive criticism...but I'm not so sure I have any. The first chapter did not have that much background or descriptions of the characters, but that was fine because your character interaction really adds enough. By the way, I think your interaction between the characters is great because its very natural and it flows well. Furthermore, you don't just have straight dialogue but you also have thoughts, as well as using third person POV which I think works well in your story. Sorry that I didn't have anything bad to say (haha) but I will be watching for updates so that I can continue reading your enjoyable story! :)
| lifeispeachy278 chapter 4 . 4/30/2009
Brilliantly written! I really like Dune's sense of humour and how shes not 'just' conventionally beauitful, she has actual depth as well. Nice. Update soon :)
| oHriginal chapter 4 . 4/30/2009
OH EM GEE
this was brilliant! This story should come with a warning sign.
DO NOT READ WHILST AT WORK/OR ILL
I laughed so hard, my manager came out to see what was happening lol this is brilliant! I loved all the slang argument. She is so dramatic, but Sam's answer back was just classic
and then Jeannie! I really like her. She's very spunky and just not afraid to say what she wants. To be honest, when I first heard the name I thought she was going to be very inwards, and shy but she's different!
and this whole thing between Dune and Sam. I wonder what's going to happen, as he obviously wants to get with Jeannie.
I hope you bring Cal back. I feel like he wasn't given a big enough role lol
This was totally hilarious
I rate you completely for it, because you have the ability to make people laugh, just by reading words. it's amazing.
| MsMellowMint chapter 4 . 4/30/2009
Loving every part of this.
Ormga, goodness, that had me laughing for much too long.
Keep writing, I'm already hooked.
| Narq chapter 4 . 4/29/2009
Yeah, you have done well in showing the character's personalities. They are closely matched in wit. I laugh reading your jokes and little puns. This is very interesting and I look forwards to your next update!