|Reviews for World of Kilyana: The Unknown Battle|
| Nyx'sReincarnation chapter 16 . 6/10/2012
Your story was amazing! Everything I'm about to say may contradict that statement, but it's still true.
Firstly, Lindsay was way too obsessed with popcorn. If she ate two thirds of what she did in the story, I'd understand more. it just seems a bit to wierd.
Also, Vincent and Nellacarin fell in love way too fast, and they never fought. That almost never happens in relationships. It just doesn't seem as realistic.
When people are killed, you need to make your characters have more emotion. It seems like they're saying "Oh, I just killed an evil person. I feel bad, but they were evil." and then they move on. I've heard that when you kill someone it changes you a bit, but they seem to show vary little emotion.
Another suggestion would bbe to kill off someone who's good. It sounds wierd, but it seems to make the story more realistic. When people go into a war, someone on each side is always killed.
On the bright side, I didn't notice any spelling/grammar mistakes.
Keep up the great work! :)