|Reviews for My Haiku|
| Abbytjie chapter 4 . 8/9/2012
I just noticed something in the previous poem (Fill Up My Emptiness) but I've already reviewed that one with the grammar correction, so I'm writing the otheer bit of my review on this chapter.
You say they smell really good, and then you talk about staring at them. So you've shifted from smell to looks without really linking the two very well.
I like the guilt in I'm Sorry, the way you portray it is good. However, I don't like the comma after But in the last line.
| Abbytjie chapter 3 . 8/9/2012
The second line has incorrect grammar: it should be "I wish I could stare at you more," but (sigh) then there's that pesky extra syllable. You could change it to "Wish I could stare at you more", though.
| Abbytjie chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
The new version has correct grammar, but doesn't have the right amount of syllables for the second line.
I was going to give suggestions, but I can't think of any ways to squeeze in that needed syllable. However, you have more time so I'm sure you'll think of something!
| Wolf Spirit Evan chapter 17 . 10/3/2011
Last line is six syllables, "but-my-dream-seems-ve-ry"
| Wolf Spirit Evan chapter 10 . 10/3/2011
I think the last line would be better as "Alone, by yourself"
| FaithMemory chapter 55 . 10/1/2011
simple and yet magical. I can already hear the melody. :)
| moon-behind-dark-clouds chapter 55 . 10/1/2011
sweet piece. thanks for sharing!
| FaithMemory chapter 54 . 9/2/2011
interesting. it has depth in it. I'm not actually sure if I got the message of this haiku. But when it says you saw 'them', I'm sure you saw beautiful things, because you thank God for it. So I presumed you saw angels or something like that.
then again, I know it's different from what I think. But i think I'd love to see angels in the darkness. They'll shine more.
keep this up!
| Mortemn chapter 1 . 5/24/2010
"It froze me suddenly"
- Where does "it" refer to, strange auras? If that's the case then I guess you should change "it" to "they".
And the plural form of "haiku" is also "haiku". ;)
| frugale chapter 8 . 2/26/2010
Oh... that was lovely.
| frugale chapter 6 . 2/26/2010
Haha! That was funny.
| nickyO chapter 50 . 2/26/2010
I think it's interesting that you chose the word "blandness" in your otherwise pretty description.
| somerrr chapter 24 . 2/7/2010
Loved it! Strong meaning! Great job! :D
| somerrr chapter 1 . 2/7/2010
Nice poem! Great meaning of her meeting the love of her life. nice job!
| nickyO chapter 53 . 2/5/2010
proof of day. Good job.