Reviews for shooting stars
Little girl Big world chapter 1 . 8/16/2009
Shooting stars are my favorite subject matter at the moment so I was excited when I stumbled across the title shooting stars.

I absolutely love this piece!

"you have the stars

stuck between your fingers"

-Wow that is just a great line.

"don’t the clouds that run

across the sky question it?"

-I like how you personified the clouds and made them able to run and think.

A beautiful piece. Well done :)
in theory chapter 1 . 8/13/2009
the specks in the sand

see the star brush the

soul like the way that

the sand sweep your feet –

can they live with the deceit ?

The language in this is incredible, like a piece of silk slowly but inevitably falling off a bed or something. I would split the final line up, to make it flow even more inexorably.

the specks in the sand

see the star brush the

soul like the way that

the sand sweep your feet –

can they live with the

deceit ?

Jack

-

it's ben AGES! :D but I'm back! :Dx
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 7/4/2009
"The gleaming of the shooting star slither through your fingers." You have such lush, insicive verses. It's hard for me to pick the ones that meant the most to me.

Througout the poem I noticed the theme of change; things chaning, people changing. It was very strong. Keep up the good work.

Much love,

Juliet.
sunday night sky chapter 1 . 6/17/2009
i like this! i REALLY like this. particularly these parts: your feet have betrayed you

you feel they sink further

the wistful waves rush through

the soul, you have the stars

stuck between your fingers –

can’t they let you be?

don’t the clouds that run

across the sky question it?

yes. lovely. beautiful. there are a few bits that jar with me, but i am tired and bordering illiterate so... peut etre it is just me? for example - 'stuck and tore'.. i dunno... stuck and torn maybe? and the gleaming of the shooting star slither... slithers? the sand sweep... sweeps? HOWEVER, i may be wrong and i will re-read it tomorrow when i am less tired and silly...

OVERAL wonderful x
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
"the sand sweep your feet –"... sweeps

I think some of your sentences were runons. like the first two stanzas. I might break them up somewhat.

I do like the piece though. I think your personification of everything was really great. ANd I like all of hte questions you ask.

PS Check out the Review Game and/or Review Marathon (link in my profile).
Isca chapter 1 . 4/27/2009
"Your feet have betrayed you." The tone of this line is so powerful. When you cannot even trust your own feet, you've lost yourself, and feel unstable. Excellent point.

"Can't they let you be?" Ha! You characterize the stars as 'pushy women.' Creative.

The fifth and sixth stanzas were particularly vivid and amazing. :)

-Isca