Reviews for Headache
the grimm cow orker chapter 3 . 4/29/2009
Haha. He chose the smileys. I wonder if he would wear them under normal circumstances as well, seeing as how he let them show.

Allysa is like a small, condensed ball of just... utter cuteness. Hrm... how old is Kevin? He seems to be at least a few years older than Allysa... so about upper elementary or middle school?

Haha. Ryan, don't be so naive. You really are getting evil with the poor kid, madame. XD And with your readers. I am so curious as to what his name is. But don't tell me. ;)

"Kevin looks at her with distain and turns..." Should be disdain. And that's the only mistake I found. :)
kepteinen chapter 3 . 4/29/2009
Oh, come on Ryan, you can do it!
kepteinen chapter 2 . 4/21/2009
The three 'F's made me snicker. I love this scenario. Great chapter.
the grimm cow orker chapter 2 . 4/21/2009
You forgot the second "f" in this sentence: "...less than fully clad women who couldn’t keep their hands of us college guys." and as far as grammar/spelling, that's all I could find.

Hmm... until the last six paragraphs, the tone is rather somber. The "but not with such a delicious view." threw me for a loop. xD Somehow I still can't get a feel for how Ryan is reacting to this, other than "confused" and "hurting." Though he seems to be cheering up a bit.

I like the mystery guy already.

Hmm... have you already written this one out all the way, or are you done with the exposition and currently writing the rest?
kepteinen chapter 1 . 4/19/2009
Aww man, I'm already feeling bad for Ryan.
kawenchan chapter 1 . 4/18/2009
I think I can guess of what the marathon was. ;D So, his name is Ryan? Gosh, I feel so smart, I figured that out. :P Ba Da Da Da Da I'm lovin' it! :D More soon, please! :D

the grimm cow orker chapter 1 . 4/18/2009
The narration is very smooth, precise and clean. Nothing much to say about the plot, because at this point I can't tell where it's going (well, other than drunken hook up and that the next thing will probably be the whole awkward "oh hello, I'm the guy you may or may not have had sex with, and you probably don't remember my name.") Character assessment at this point: Ryan is very angsty, isn't he.
igbriwwfweg chapter 1 . 4/18/2009
O. This sounds good. I like the way you write. It better be part of a whole story. If you leave this hanging I feel I may have to injure you. I want to see him realize he had butt secks with some guy. Yesh I do. I love morning after reactions, they win at life.
cutevampire911 chapter 1 . 4/18/2009

If this were a play at the theatre, I would be the one throwing roses at the stage and shouting "BRAVO! ENCORE!".

I hope this is a chapter story! Very well written! Please continue writing.

!Writers Unite!
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