Reviews for Justin
Bookworm24601 chapter 3 . 4/28/2011
That clerk guy could try something on Justin and Jack saves him. :) (I know, I know...that idea is SO overused, but I can't help it...)

Oh, and something happens, and Randy DOESN'T get to sleep with Jack...(sorry Randy...)

Interesting story. Can't wait to see what happens! :)
Grim Goodbye chapter 3 . 6/14/2009
i'm glad my ideas came in handy, haha. i like this, a lot. i hope you'll update! don't be one of those authors that just...gives up!

so yeah. i'm loving the tension of waiting for them to be together. perhaps randy and jack...make a move...and justin gets jealous. but he hates himself for it - is he religious? i don't think you ever cleared that up, or i missed it. if not, it should be easier for him to accept himself being gay (or bi). justin should go through some huge self-turmoil..should he or should he not act upon his strange feelings?

also, did you ever describe jack's appearance? i can't remember...

anyways, great job, please update!
CinderellaWithCombatBoots chapter 3 . 6/9/2009
Update! Fast! Quickly! :] Eh...anyways, it's a good story so...can't wait to read more :]
The Perfect Crimes chapter 3 . 5/29/2009
*waits excitedly for next chapter*
house of flies chapter 3 . 5/26/2009
I like the plot twist going on here.
kepteinen chapter 2 . 5/7/2009
Ooh, this makes me giggle. I love it when the older guy's the sorta-insecure one.
llyzsm2 chapter 2 . 5/7/2009
I actually thought this works really beautifully as a one shot, just a short glimpse of the fragile start of a relationship.

I enjoyed the writing style a lot amd I'd actually suggest doing a series of the very short glimpse style fictions... I don't know like maybe a shot a couple of months later when they're happy/unhappy then maybe a discovery by a parent etc kind of like finding pages from a story where everything but the most important moments are missed?

lol, okay that was a lot of advice, I hope it was helpful but feel free to disregard! _
xXEzaelePlusMorpheusXx chapter 2 . 5/6/2009
HeeyP this story was really nice i already reviewed but um, have u considered making the chapters a little longer, e.g. I try making mine 900-10 words at least, then again you are the authour of the story so its up to you! Anyway love it! Its fab cant wait til the next chapter _
kawenchan chapter 2 . 5/5/2009
Like I said, too fast, but still super adorable! That was such a cute scene! It would've been so romantic if they had been reading a poem from Shakespeare, like Shall I Compare Thee To A Summer's Day. :D What's the main character's name, by the way? I hope Justin doesn't freak. Can't wait for the next chapter! :) :) :) :)

Oh, and as for plot ideas, I don't know, maybe his Dad could be really religious or something.

-Karen
kawenchan chapter 1 . 5/5/2009
I like it! It seems a little rushy, but still good. It flows well. Now on to the next chapter. :) Justin sounds super cute! A little young, but cute. Oh, and that bus must get crowded. There's like grades from 6 to 12! :D

-Karen
YoMommaBiatch chapter 2 . 5/5/2009
i like it so far!

cant wait for the next chapter and too see where your going with this!

]
Anon chapter 1 . 5/5/2009
Okay, so its not the best but you have some good things. The way you move through the story is actually quite well done - the dialogue I think is what needs the most work, seems a little unnatural. Other than that i had a couple of laughs and that is ALWAYS appreciated when reading a story.

Good luck - keep it coming.
Grim Goodbye chapter 2 . 5/5/2009
aha this is great! A little quick into the relationship, though...I'd recommend sending something along that makes readers go..."Whoa!" or "Damn!" Off the top of my head, I'd think about maybe the following things (don't think that this is the only thing I recommend, just some ideas to toss around):

- Awkwardness ensues! After such a cute first kiss, especially not knowing one or the other is gay, of course they'll be nervous to talk. Think of something to push their relationship away, and then bring it back somehow.

- Someone discovering them. Done too often, in my opinion. Course, that might actually happen in real life haha.

- They are awkward towards each other, however they go on a date. Something startling happens - you can think of something since I can't, ha!

Other than that, great job! Very few errors, you're doing wonderful. Keep up the great work!
Grim Goodbye chapter 1 . 5/5/2009
This is pretty good so far! I can't wait to see where this story goes.
house of flies chapter 2 . 5/5/2009
OMG I hate cliffhangers. This story is really good so far, but it is kind of fast-paced. Maybe you should try slowing down just a little bit. My own personal opinion, so it's not that important.
20 | Page 1 2 Next »