Reviews for Lofty
MatthewPaul chapter 1 . 4/24/2009
I love "I remember everything about this moment" stories. Mine for 9-11 is one that needed prose, so I was excited to read a poem about it.

I liked it right up until the end. It... didn't release that emotion right, I felt. It might be because of my own experience, but just stating that last fact makes me feel cheated.

I WANT IN ON THAT MOMENT! That is the moment. That is it.

And I didn't get to see it. Everything else in the poem is wonderfully descriptive, it seamlessly builds up to this moment... and then it didn't come for me. I'm sure you've noticed that I am really upset by this, but that's a really, really good thing, I think, because giving a scene and not a summary at the end this poem would be phenomenal. And I think you can write it without any trouble, too, and write it very well. :)
effervescent-sentiments chapter 1 . 4/24/2009
I think this was very effective, and you captured a little sliver of what there is to pick up of 9/11.

You have some grammar and tense issues, but those can be fixed with a quick edit.

Keep writing. :)

Jules
Lady Fingers chapter 1 . 4/24/2009
that was such a scary day.

the silence from the mid morning rush is so true.

i was in 4th grade but i remember walking to the bathroom. a teacher had her TV on and i saw an image of a woman in a polka dot dress jumping in the foreground and in th backgroun a business man. She just stood there with her mouth wide open and her eyes filled to the brim with tears
Ernest Bloom chapter 1 . 4/23/2009
devastating. thanks for

sharing your experience.
Ashelin chapter 1 . 4/23/2009
I think what I remember most is the horrified silence laced with shock, fear, and sadness. It is interesting to see your perspective. Some of it paralled mine, such as the second to last paragraph. No schoolwork, just radios and televisions, teachings running in and out of each others classrooms. Crying, silence, lack of any understanding or comprehension.

Good job.
Peachesandcream15 chapter 1 . 4/23/2009
This was beautiful, simple but extremely effective.
Isca chapter 1 . 4/22/2009
"I watched the towers fall." Me too. Thank you for writing this. It brought me back to my own experience of 9/11. I loved the repetition of the 'bus' imagery-it added such a normalcy to the speaker's voice that made the 9/11 realizations so much more horrific.
cling peach chapter 1 . 4/22/2009
That's funny, I was just talking to my boyfriend yesterday about what we remembered about 911. He swears his dad told him in the middle of the night, I swear I was in math class. But I don't really remember... I was ten.

Anyway.

I still love your poetry.

I don't even come on here anymore and I delete most of my author alerts, but I always read yours.
TaltushMeiMei chapter 1 . 4/22/2009
Very powerful and well written. I like the short-sentences, short-stanza style. It suits the topic surprisingly well. Good imagery, clear descriptions... Strong in every sense of the word. I'm not sure what else I can say other than this is an excellent poem and I really like it.