|Reviews for These Lives I Walk|
| Myst Marshall chapter 4 . 1/1/2016
Haha, reviewing this like 2 years after your last update, but that's okay. It's a shame you took down your stories because just reading the little tidbits are making me want more. :(
I just wanted to tell you that you are a really good and talented writer and to always keep writing even if you don't post online anymore.
Hopefully one day I will have a chance to read one of your completely works. :)
| honestyfirst chapter 4 . 1/30/2014
I'm really enjoying this, it's great! I hope this continues as a full length story. I know I'm going to absolutely love this. I just reread the first couple of chapters, and then finally, this one. It just hit me again, how great a writer you are :)
| TheWanderer72 chapter 4 . 1/30/2014
Not bad, not bad at all. You really captured the "horny teenage boy" bit very well. I would know I am one. What I really liked about the chapter, however, was the fact that it revealed more of Sienna's character traits and mannerisms from a different (though slightly explicit) point of view. The style is also something marvel; it has true realism, which is admirable.
Thanks for the great read, and don't forget to update! XD
| TheWanderer72 chapter 3 . 1/28/2014
Oh wow that was intense. All three snippets were great, but the last one was the most heartbreaking. It seems as though Sienna's reliance and submission to these men is tied to her own woefully warped sense of self worth, which is why she tolerates it. I really felt like I wanted to save this girl; your story literally transported me to her.
Gentleman's note: Zach needs his ass kicked.
Thanks for another great story :)
| H-A-Cooke chapter 2 . 1/25/2014
(Back for the second chapter. Our of curiosity did you change your story for publication? I remember the first two chapters of the story when you first posted it being these same ones.)
- To frame the second main character in this light, someone who willingly cheats with a girl (who as far as he knows is a prostitute), leaved Riley open for further character development, a growth that can lead to redemption. It's a good use character-development structure.
- Your metaphors and similes are used to highlight your characters, rather than being used as "imagery fluff." (to me Imagery Fluff is: comparison or contrast that is used to make up for lack of character depth and scene description). But the one used to describe Sienna's hair brings out the stark red color very well, while giving the scene a disturbing feeling - in the fact Riley compares her hair to "blood from a head wound."
- The use of complex characters really drive the story forward, and makes the reader want to know more, want to read all about them.
| H-A-Cooke chapter 1 . 1/25/2014
Hello! (It's Fleur - I've reinvented myself, and plan to post some stories again. Just letting you know I'm saddened to see the larger story taken down (but if you are looking to publish let me know and I'll be one of the first to buy a copy).
WHAT I LIKE:
- As before, your character development is your strongest asset in your writing. Your mastery of first person narrative really transforms the reader into Sienna, her thoughts, feeling, personality.
- You give us just enough information to immediately snare us. Sienna is damaged, running from an abusive situation. The boy is left mysterious, no name given, intentions clear.
- Setting is well-established, as a reader I can imagine the smells, texture, tastes, sounds of the environment, get lost in it and not want to resurface until I know the whole story.
- I especially like the way there are so many paths left open, so many questions left for the reader to get answers to, and that shows your understanding of creating tension, suspense, and that you can handle a complicated plot.
EDITING SUGGESTIONS: Changes are in all caps, punctuation suggestions in brackets should be replaced by the actual punctuation.
1. Maybe it wasn't such a great idea that I was out on the streets on such AN empty dark night.
2. Maybe[COMMA] if I was raped and murdered, dumped in the pressing ocean[COMMA] then I'd truly be out of the way, properly forgotten.
3. It was the darkness that clung to no matter what. (Omit the word "was" from the current sentence.)
4. Oh, god why had I left![QUESTION MARK]
5. THE BASE trembled through the ground and deep inside my bones [COMMA] in the otherwise quiet night.
Great job on an engaging first chapter!
| tecnicalKnockout chapter 3 . 12/21/2013
hn you can feel the angst in this story and not just in the events but in the writing stile used, the choice of words which im to guess was intentional gives an over all feeling of a darkness that extends far below the surface.
you have an interesting way with imagery example her heart leaping out of her chest and pressing agents the roof of her mouth i loved that for some reason. as morbid as it was...
the way you described zach and sienna's relation ship from an emotional/psychological level for me personalty its hard to understand why someone like sienna who i honestly do believe is allot stronger than were lead to believe. would put up with this zach shank who is obviously a sociopath with a god complex ...when you said he wants to hurt her so she wont leave... it made me think why would hurting her make it so she wont leave is it the shame of allowing him to hurt her? the fear? crushing her self image to where she feels she deserves it? tell her what a horrible person she is then tell her you love her ... if she believes both then she believes your the only person who could ever love someone so disgusting ... anyways usually i would hate sienna but somehow you've made me care about the why?
Spencer seems very apprehensive and at the same time passionate ... an interesting combination and someone we should watch very closely
over all ... interesting... though it promises to leave me in tears of varying emotional origins
| handbookfortheheartless chapter 3 . 12/17/2013
Alright! Time for me to do a proper review, on the actual story page. I don't have much to say beyond what I've already expressed to you, but the testament still stands that this is absolutely captivating. The way in which you write, as I believe I stated before, makes you genuinely *feel* for the characters whose perspective you're reading from. While I would love to have further insight into these character stories on a grander scale, just these pieces alone have given me better perspective in to your character's lives and feelings than I get from reading some people's novels in full. Very dark, but also very, very lovely.
| Yabu chapter 3 . 12/7/2013
| carrothead101 chapter 2 . 10/19/2013
NOOOOOOOO I have literally been trying to find a story all night that hasn't been removed this is killing me the first chapter was such a teaser Im dying to read more this sucks you writing has already gotten me hooked and I CAN'T READ IT
| SuperWhoLockedRavenclawDemigod chapter 3 . 7/23/2013
| Guest chapter 3 . 4/19/2013
I really do hope they meet again; some of those tense moments are really great, and I screamed internally when she ran away. Please keep updating :)
| Yabu chapter 2 . 4/19/2013
I really like your story - really dark and real and expressive. I'll definitely continue reading this :)
| jenxrawr chapter 1 . 2/25/2013
Wow. Not only are you an amazing reviewer (thanks for the advice and comments, again) you an an even more amazing author. Your use of imagery is mastery, and you write with sin such a fluid story telling way. it is truly an ability that only a few have. I really like the way you play your words and sentences, like the length and use of language and just everything, it adds depth to your writing that is on a whole new level. really really amazing.
| Marjulie chapter 3 . 2/12/2013
This was set in South Carolina, 1992. I didn't notice until now. I was expecting to be set in New York for some strange reason. Anyway, tiny errors in the last part:
"Ow, ouch, what crawled up your ass and died," - comma should be a period.
"It would start something that wouldn't make sense on neither his end nor mine" - needs a period.
I feel like a grammar nazi...