|Reviews for Strangle
| LeLa London chapter 12 . 5/28/2009
Relate-able and understandable 'cause I've been there and to be honest still knows that place at times. What does it mean to be human right? To be human makes one need acceptance, individuality, love, support, etc. Poem was depressing in a good way (if you know what I mean).
| LeLa London chapter 11 . 5/28/2009
initially i was glad the narrator was more optimistic even if i got under tones of something not being right like narrator was trying to convince themselves for a specific reason. The end concluded my first intuitions. Chilling to read 'as it is my last' like narrator was going to take their life tomorrow or very soon. that was the impression i got anyway.
| LeLa London chapter 10 . 5/28/2009
Sad, vague, captured my attention.
| LeLa London chapter 9 . 5/28/2009
Good poem. The urgency tones clearly convey throughout.
| LeLa London chapter 8 . 5/28/2009
1. "I don't know who you were,"
Love is immense force strong enough to take over people's lives. Narrator warns someone to not hurt anymore since both of them are stuck in a never-ending cycle of hurt.
| LeLa London chapter 7 . 5/28/2009
I am really trying to comprehend this poem's meaning and not getting there. Love is not looked in a positive light in this poem. When you're in love and wanting another person to feel the same way you're essentially 'a god [who] reaches for the stars'? Love also brings pain, you're learning and you know you'll see cupid forever because it feels like you'll always be in love with this person? Or if you move on the same feeling of forever continues so either way you're going to meet cupid. I could be far from your meaning. I have no idea.
| LeLa London chapter 6 . 5/28/2009
Cute! A couple of things that you could correct though.
1. "She seems to be shy [,] but she is happy,"
2. "She is not [too] tall,"
| LeLa London chapter 5 . 5/28/2009
Incredibly sad how a call consumed you. Feeling alone is one of the worst feelings. I enjoyed this one as well.
| LeLa London chapter 4 . 5/28/2009
Nice imagery. The future and growing up for narrator seems bleak, something not be looked forward to or something. I don't really know what this poem means exactly. Maybe you could explain it to me.
Life happens, we experience things we didn't want to confront, but given the chance this boy wouldn't change it because it would be wrong to?
| LeLa London chapter 3 . 5/28/2009
Interesting concept. The man wearing grey seemed to be invisible and wanted to be noticed, fit in, and cared about. Too bad it all the men didn't.
| LeLa London chapter 2 . 5/28/2009
I'm kind of a grammar observer so I'm wondering if you meant to say 'and I know you're not sure' instead of your original 'and I know your not sure.'
You were great at using literary devices into impacting angst. I don't quite understand the storyline, but I know the narrator obviously was hurt by someone they thought they knew or was close to them.
I especially like this one out of the ones I read so far by you Space-Kid. Well, I'm off to read and review more.
| LeLa London chapter 1 . 5/28/2009
I liked how you visually bolded and underlined your short intro. It's attention grabbing and mysterious like an intro should be.
| Kate Marshall chapter 13 . 4/26/2009
I love the ending. It has a good ring to it that kind of just drifts off as the end. Like it fades.
We still just dance,
In the darkness,
Of all that is left.
And your word choices were good, too. Very descriptive. Consistently, it fit the theme and the idea of the poem.
-Peach, from the Review Marathon of the Review Game Forum (link's in the profile! you should check it out!)
| Kate Marshall chapter 7 . 4/26/2009
In the second line, "God" shouldn't be capitalized because you're speaking of a god in mythology.
This was a little odd. It wasn't really clear what you writing about. You have to keep in mind what the readers will think.
But you probably had the most imagery in this out of all of them. Your verbs were very descriptive and you wrote a lot of movement. So that helps me, the reader, to imagine what's going on.
| Kate Marshall chapter 6 . 4/26/2009
The bolds have no purpose. I wish they would disappear.
I'm really not a fan of romance poem like these, but I'll try to set that aside for this. Okay, the rhymes were not as natural sounding as they could be. It sounded a little forced, like you were just trying to rhyme. It's okay to use internal rhymes, alliteration, or maybe just free-verse.
Stanzas would help this tremendously. The thoughts and phrases need to be separated.