|Reviews for Colorfast|
| martinezzz chapter 2 . 5/1/2009
awe, i like it )
write more !
i hope you know who this is.
good job !
| ijustsaidiloveyou chapter 2 . 5/1/2009
See! I told you so. :
You know what time is it? Uhm it's 3:16 in the morning. :
I'm gonna delete mine and start a new one. :
You have Chapter 2 already. Fast, huh.
When I read your message, I thought of telling Jhenn immediately. : Blackmail! :) HARHAR. :P
I'm not yet done editing it. :)) I don't get YOUR story of our story. Get it? Haha.
So, yeah. It's long, right?
About your story. Of course I like it cause youre my friend. Haha. Kidd.
UPDATE, you kiddo! :)
Love and miss you! :
| Girlwithideas chapter 2 . 4/30/2009
great update soon!
| Sarah Lee Productions chapter 2 . 4/30/2009
The plot is a good idea. Its alot like a few of my books, awkward girl doesn't get alot of action from the boys. So its got alot of potential.
But. I think if you're going to write in first person, you need to incorporate all 5 senses. You're literally, in the head of the main character. And quite frankly I didn't get any of that. I like how you really get personal with her thoughts, and her character. But what is she smelling? When she's shopping is there a store that sells perfume? What does the denim feel like? What colors explode onto the scene in front of her? Is it sunny? Is it cold? I think thats the first step to making this story better. Those little tiny details go a long way.
You did a good job with personal business. Giving her something to fiddle with or do while talking. I think it could even use a little more. Because if you think about it when we talk to other people, unless we're in an interview or something, usually we're doing something like texting, picking at our fingernails, twirling our hair etc. So think about adding a bit more of that.
I think you can incorporate some back story, just a little, in the first chapter.
Furthermore, in the prologue you set her up to be an awkward girl. So I was expecting someone a bit more socially awkward. Something isn't right. Might have something to do with lack of backstory, but the prologue doesn't match the actual girl we meet in the first chapter. She comes off a bit like a spoiled girl, and thats not who I was expecting at all. I cannot tell you how to shape your character, because she's your creation not mine. I can only give you my opinion as to how you did it, and I really think you should work on her personality more. I wanna see more flaws and I wanna see why she and boys dont have alot of luck with each other. Is she too stubborn? Does she intimidate them because she's different? Theres always a reason for these kinds of things. And when you set up that one thing that pushes the boys away, then you introduce the right boy and he sees past that, you'll totally capture your readers. You'll make them sigh and dream about someone who does that to them as well. And thats what romance novels do. They make you dream!
Your dialogue seems a bit immature coming from Reichelle's point of view. The "Mom" thing was cute the first few times then it got old and it felt like she was 8 instead of a sophomore in high school. So that didn't feel realistic to me.
Again, I think your details on her thoughts are FABULOUS. Its very personal to her, which is important in a first person story. I like how quirky her little thoughts are and I think its something you need to keep. Just add a few more things.
Good luck. I'll check back for updates.
| imy chapter 1 . 4/26/2009
hey, this looks good! good luck! i am gonna wait for you to post your first chapter! :)
| Twelfth Night chapter 1 . 4/25/2009
I liked it. Both of the statements could be used in sync with each other. Good luck with the rest of this. You should probably make the rest longer.