|Reviews for Will Strip For Motivation|
| mimzie101 chapter 1 . 12/2/2009
omg that was funny lol
| Engineer of Words chapter 1 . 8/7/2009
And here we have a foray into yet more familiar territory. An interesting take on writers' block and its causes in your own life, for sure.
Once again this seems to be more a stream of consciousness type of thing, albeit a good bit more refined than what I last reviewed. The rhetorical questions in the beginning give the mental image of you asking or shouting that at yourself somewhere dark and alone, perhaps.
I didn't understand some of the diction in the third stanza though. After the whole "it's frustrating" thing, it seems like there's an adjective missing on the end somewhere. Instead, it segues right into the nail-biting line.
Something I did rather enjoy was how you managed to successfully combine what could have been two different stanzas with the formatting. Stanzas 8 and 9 work an echo effect nicely, and the caps seem another voice to be heard.
"Crap de la creme" made me laugh. Again with the winning one-liners.
And the last line provides some insight on the coping mechanism with all the chaos going on inside the narrator's head, it seems. This one was lots of fun. :D
| Vancelle chapter 1 . 8/3/2009
The feeling of frustration is very evident in this poem. I really like the casual, conversational tone of it. It gives it a very down-to-earth feel. However, I'm not a big fan of the use of the bold. Sure, it adds impact, but the words should just speak for themselves.
| Isca chapter 1 . 7/7/2009
"And I cannot see them." There's something so startlingly gentle about the tone of this line. The speaker wonders where her words have gone, and thus, feels incapable of coherent communication-leaving her feeling alone and powerless.
"You never make sacrifices." I like the ambiguity of this line. You leave it up to the reader to determine whether the speaker is upset that this other person doesn't try as hard as she does, or whether she's just idealistic, and isn't satisfied with her life and the mundane people in it. Either way, I liked this line-it's wonderfully fascinating.
Keep up the good work,
(The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix)
| ArekuKawaii chapter 1 . 6/9/2009
'We’re the same,
north and south,
I'M NEVER SATISFIED.'
That was interesting because you portray the same and opposites in the same thought. They are the same as they are both directions and different as they go in opposite ways. I like some of the other word choices because they made a clear connection.
'Crap de la crème?' Crappy cream... Just wonderful. That makes a nasty image in my mind, like a chocolate ice cream sundea is acutally crap sundea.
Form: I like your use of bold words in this peice and the separation of the third line. That separation shows that the words are truely lost to the speaker and they are all forming into one confusing sentence.
Flow: I liked the flow in this peice and you used good punctuation.
'Do I want to scream?
Kind of, sort of,
not really and yes.'
This part flows perfectly of the tongue when said out loud. I liked that stanza the most in this poem.
Enjoyment: I definitly liked this poem, however it didn't have the appeal some of your other peices have had to me. I think it was missing some of the pizzazz because it truely seemed you were bored and lost your thought when writing it. (No offence).
| londonmascara chapter 1 . 4/28/2009
Wow. This was extremely powerful. First, lovely formatting. That alone does much to set up your narrative...sort of floaty, choppy, like a stream of consciousness. Loved the spacing in ' s?' And the way you contradict yourself: 'We're too similar, too different', 'We're the same, north and south'. Totally brings out the angsty tone. I also loved the way you made it conversational: "Come on now...Oh, what a bitch, did you read between those lines?" My favorite line was 'Why will I never be good enough [for myself]?' This is always in the back of my mind...the fact that I'm not good enough for others is built upon the sad excuse of a foundation of euphoria I've built for myself. WONDERFUL piece!
| doctor's diagnosis chapter 1 . 4/27/2009
I like the style of this a lot. It doesn't get redundant like some structured poetry can, but it still flows rather smoothly.
I think the formatting is a little distracting at points. With the caps, bold, and italicizing, I'm not sure what exactly you are trying to emphasize.
The imagery in the beginning is pretty good, but it kind of disappears after the fifth stanza, which is a bit of a disappointment.
I like the theme usage here - it's angry but not overpoweringly so and the hint of malice really kicks it up a notch.
| chromo freak chapter 1 . 4/27/2009
Interesting, and I really like your format, with the bold words and such, nice work.
| Sakiru Yume chapter 1 . 4/27/2009
Flow: This poem felt like you were just writing without any structure. It felt kind of disconnected where, even though the subject was the same, the poem was kind of jumping around, switching from two lines to one to two to three to one to two etc.
Word Choice: I felt that the words really fit the poem. You were writing about an angry person-or so it seemed-and so you used angry words. The way you used opposites also worked well.
Rhythm: The angry tone of this poem and the way that everything was so disjointed made the story kind of jarring and hard to read. It kind of seemed like chunks were thrown together. They didn't quite fit together, and I don't know if that helped your goal.
Other: The way that you used bold and all caps (occasionally) added to the angry feel of the story. It made it seem like there were bursts of greater anger, where the person was incredibly angry and just wanted to yell it out. That worked well.
I think that this poem worked in some ways, but the jarring way it read made it hard to read. It didn't seem to flow at all.
| Eve's Deception chapter 1 . 4/27/2009
isnt it funny how writers can write about writer's block?
we're oxymoronic that way. nice work.