|Reviews for Kuro Omoi|
| EBSmith chapter 1 . 9/28/2009
I really enjoyed reading this, the story is very good, and quite original for this period. It's very much like a Marquis De Sade story, and I like his stuff, even if they does make me wierd.
There were a few grammatical erros, so watch out for those. It's also very quick and brief, it doesn't explain why she would be forced to live with him, and it wouldn't all happen the day her parents died, and they certainly wouldn't have graves yet. I also feel that it would take more than 14 days for someone to be turned into a killer. I like that she does change, but it's all a bit hasty. I feel as though you got too excited and didn't think it through enough, I like the story alot, so taking some time on your descriptions, and more charcter development would really be worth while.
As for 'requests', this is a great concept, it's a shame that no one else has picked up on this. Here's my suggestion, I am greatly excited by the fact that the next victim is female. Perhaps Amaia will develop a sexually sadistic flare as a result of the rapes, maybe she'll become sexually angry and numb to the intimacy of it and become angry at women as she is now living with men. Do with that as you please.
And also, I get the impression that you want to be more explicit and gross, but you are scared of offending people, be as gory and offensive as possible. It will add the shock factor to the story and will make it far more hard hitting. Your description of her rape 'every hole...hard' is the most offensive thing in there, and it seems out of place on its own, if you put in loads of more offensive stuff, it will work better.
I hope that helps, I will be reading on if you update it, I'm really enjoying it :)