Reviews for Esperanza
AnnaG.Luv chapter 3 . 5/16/2009
definitely into this story. can't wait to read the next one.
AnnaG.Luv chapter 1 . 5/15/2009
When I first glanced at this story summary and saw the name Tesla I thought this story was going to be about radio waves. Haha. I was slightly off. But never the less I will continue reading because I want to know what the hell is going on!
SeveRemus chapter 3 . 5/15/2009
I enjoyed seeing Tesla from Coyo's eyes! Can't wait to see what happens between them, as well as what Esperanza is like. Great work, as always!
nennella chapter 2 . 5/13/2009
Wow, this story is really intriguing! I look forward to reading more
Aldora89 chapter 2 . 5/12/2009
Ok, here's a specific first:

"Quiet. Alone. So much alone.

It had been, what, eighty years? Ninety?"

The transition between Tesla just sitting there, and then thinking about the past and the explanations of what happened seems a little sudden to me. Like he jumps to detailed reminiscing somehow, but we don't quite know how. Does something he sees or feels in that moment remind him about the Scourge or his mother enough to spend time ruminating about them? I think that would reduce the inevitable infodump factor for this particular spot.

While my infodump senses didn't tingle at all the first chapter, they did a couple times this chapter. I feel like there's just one too many places where it sounds like Tesla is explaining stuff to himself that he should already know, without a clear reason. Some of it might be unavoidable; I don't know how the story is structured, and this could be the best place to stick important facts. The only thing I can think of would be pulling a little detail to add later instead. For instance, Tesla thinking about all the things his mother knew. You already say "she'd known a lot of things she wasn't supposed to" - would it be possible to leave it at that for now, so we're left guessing as to exactly what forbidden knowledge about the Before she had? You do this nicely with "the traveler." You mention him, and a couple of vague things he told Tesla, but we get no details about him or the "whispers" and are left in suspense.

I liked the frequent qualifiers about what "they" say. It really adds to the feel of a pre-technological (or rather, post-technological) society, as well as the overall uncertainty in the world. It helps to show that everything most people know is a bunch of hearsay, much of which Telsa suspects is stupid because he's an outsider looking in.

The bit with the coyote was rather cute - a little camaraderie between two misfit outcasts. The description of the ruin and Tesla's scrounging about for food is quite nice. I always love seeing half-competent, non-whiny heroes at work in difficult situations! That's why I like Tesla so far; he has every reason to brood and be gloomy, but he's tougher and more practical than that.

Wow, I didn't mean to go that long. _' I hope it makes sense... I've happily misplaced half my brain since school got out.
SeveRemus chapter 2 . 5/9/2009
I was a bit confused at first as to what was happening, but I'm glad I stuck it through this chapter! It reminds me very much of Cormac McCarthy's "The Road" - which is a devastatingly haunting tale. Looking forward to the rest of this story!
nennella chapter 1 . 5/6/2009
I really liked this first chapter: it's intriguing!
Aldora89 chapter 1 . 5/4/2009
Very nice so far! I like how you've integrated information about the world seamlessly into the story - dropping just enough small details to intrigue, but never explaining anything outright. I have a very low tolerance for infodumping (even though I'm guilty of it myself sometimes -_-), and your writing reminds me how much richer worldbuilding becomes when you avoid it.

Oh, and the part about "fingers climbing the knobs of his spine?" That's some awesome imagery, right there.

Just something I noticed in the last couple of lines; the two "might"s and "that"s close to each other bothered me; kind of jarred the flow. "...might not want him dead that he might find a clear course that headed generally south..." The structure doesn't seem to fit with the straightforward, clear-cut tone of everything around it.
Olwine chapter 1 . 5/3/2009
Wow! Really good beginning,lookibg forward to seeing how this all plans out. D
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