Reviews for The Bachelor
LSC chapter 10 . 1/5/2018
Every Lesbian's nightmare the bi girl that goes back to boys. Interesting story and I liked how the husband was not demonised but left with his own thoughts and no one preached at him or tried to educate him. In fact the guy was the only straightforward character the women were all pretending to be someone or something they were not. I liked the story it gets one thinking, my favourite character...Mike he's a sweetie.
Guest chapter 6 . 7/7/2013
Type your review for this chapter here...
PenNotebookStory chapter 10 . 4/8/2013
It was a really, really good read ) GOOD WORK!
ushouldkeepitsimple chapter 10 . 10/6/2012
I tried racing through this story and found I couldn't. It is well written and because of that it is a piece that requires one to slow down so they can take it all in. You created a feel for the characters and story through your use of language and terminology.
L chapter 1 . 8/9/2010
mulatto? really?
yuanyuan chapter 1 . 6/5/2010
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huimei chapter 1 . 5/28/2010
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StarvingLunatic chapter 10 . 11/18/2009
I enjoyed this story quite a bit. I thought it was a little weird how in the beginning you just jumped right into the story without setting it up, but you pulled it off as the story continued. I would've liked more dialogue between the characters. I liked that you gave us a good look into everyone's head, though; this was great to me. I have to say, I really liked the line at the end of chapter 9, "Women can be so ungrateful." I don't know why, but the line struck me and now it's stuck to me.

It was cool that you made it seem like Mike was really going to be the bad guy in story and then it turns out he's actually a semi-decent guy. Sure, he seems to have a little belief that most lesbians are either misguided women that need a good man to save them or little girls that wanted to grow up to be men. But, aside for that flaw, he turns out to be an okay guy that doesn't cheat on his wife when given the chance. It's gotta count for something.

As far as the ladies in the tale go, I think I liked Dawn the most. Just being in her head was cool to me. I feel a little sorry for Chris, but I get the feeling that things will work out for her; I don't know why. Stephanie...I think I'll just leave that one alone.

But, anyway, like I said, I enjoyed this story. Very nice piece of writing here. Thank you for writing it and sharing it. Hasta...
Stacey Andrews chapter 3 . 8/24/2009
And the rental girlfriend shows up. The way the chapter is written is very well crafted. I laughed when I reached the sentence containing 'that Neanderthal.'

Light humour in a story adds depth and to me, makes the story even more believeable. The interaction between Alice and Stephanie is fantastic, they seem like very good friends.

Alice seems to be very curious about what Stephanie is going to do, but then again friends or at least acquaintances are.
Stacey Andrews chapter 2 . 8/24/2009
Here we go, sorry changed my penname! This chapter is brilliant, just like the first one, it flows very well. After reading it, I could get a sense of what Chris was feeling, especially towards the end of the chapter.

Chris, the leading character seems to be a bit uncertain about her life right now considering what she has been through, several events are mentioned in this chapter, which give her a subtle but excellent back story/history which only makes her, at least to me, real indeed.

There are some slight grammar issues, but with me being British, I cannot really comment, since British and American English are somewhat dissimilar in the way they are spoken and written. Plus a couple of phrases could be changed slightly for better effect, but apart from that, I have no issues whatsoever with this story.

Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 10 . 7/12/2009
Hey there!

Got back from vacation 3 hours ago, and am running on 4 hours sleep so this may not be the most coherent review ~ unexpectedly, I had no Internet for the week as well, so couldn't even let you know that I'd gone!

Anyway, when reading this, I didn't even notice the length at all. Your first paragraphs held some wonderful descriptions, but I thought the argument didn't flow so well with the reminiscing, based on the conversations in the previous chapter.

Also, maybe you should use markers to indicate change in perspective, time or scene, because when you switched to Dawn's attempted seduction, it wasn't immediately clear that this was set in the past. Also, a marker to indiacte morning would be helpful!

Ah, why do I feel so unsatisfied at the end of this story? :P

No, I applaude you for not giving the story a conventional ending, or even for putting in anything too dramatic ~ e.g. a successful seduction, which is what we all expect from soaps and movies etc. (Sorry to anyone who reads this review before reading the story... :P) There was a resolution of sorts, but I expected it to be more romantic, based upon the lyrical prose of the earlier chapters.

I get the feeling that I'm rambling and that I long since ceased making sense so...on that note...I...shall...go sleep...

*prods Izzy to find time from studying to write more, but not too much time in case it affects her grades like it did to moi... :(*

~ Sakina x
Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 9 . 6/26/2009
ZOMFG...she isn't going to...oh dear...I have no idea what is gonna happen next, but my gut tells me that things are going to end badly... :S

A few things I spotted:

Dawn sat on the plush red confuterand [confuter and] proceeded

the way the streetlamp light [lit] your face

“I came to see her,” [see who?]

Ah, reliving memories ~ that bit was beautiful, and so hopelessly romantic. Those two are made for each other! :)

~ Sakina x
Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 8 . 6/26/2009
Still pondering over something from the last chapter - "With this, Alice hugged the diminutive gentleman she had once known so well", add to that, the title of the story "The Bachelor"*strokes chin thoughtfully*

Anyways, the ending was a little too subtle, and I had to reread the dialogue to get what the characters meant. Then again, maybe I just have an innocent mind... *smirk*

As always, the dialogue sparkles, but in the last part, maybe I'd change what Mike says, because it doesn't seem to sound as natural to me as the rest of the dialogue does. Also, if you are making him out to be a primitive man figure, then maybe make his sentences shorter? :P

~ Sakina x
Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 6 . 6/26/2009
Oh noes, interruption! You sure know how to write a cliffy, m'dear. You gave us a good balance of description against action, just enough to make sure that the story was always moving forwards. I like how this story is more internal rather than external, and I think you've done really well in portraying the emotions from all perspectives. Not gonna be nit-picky, as I couldn't find much fault here at all!

~ Sakina x
for shame chapter 9 . 6/23/2009
this is a very well-written story; the characters are vivid and unique, and there's no grammatical errors that i've spotted.

i really love the way the characters interact. it's beautiful and realistic.
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