Reviews for wishing isn't enough
Said Author chapter 1 . 6/21/2009
I really liked this, the emotions in it and longing were written well. I also loved the metaphor you used, it didn't seem contrite and actually fit. Nice job. :}
FaithMemory chapter 1 . 6/20/2009
wow very intense. o.O I personally love the second stanza, because the speaker shows honesty and being frank. You showed the emotion well, here too because I can totally get the idea, emotion and the message. The ending is really sad for me, it was like a fake love, something like that. A very nice poem :) chapter 1 . 6/18/2009
It's nice, I especially liked the second stanza. xD Great job, capitalization goes a long way though and it makes the poem look better, I think. Shall fav this. XDD
Isca chapter 1 . 5/25/2009
The "its" in the opening line should be "it's." Besides that little technical aspect, the tone of the opening line itself is wonderful. Your simile is nice, although, the topic is a bit cliche. You did, however, make it your own by adding in the line, "slicing me apart to the very core." Your connection between tears, blood, and the heart was moving.

Hmm, I'm not sure that your theatrical diction in the second stanza works the way it should-you switch from 'act,' to 'poorly-written play,' to 'performed alone.' You should find a clearer way of describing a monologue or a soliloquy. The first line, though, is very heart-breaking, so I liked how raw and honest it was.

Keep up the good work :),


(The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix)
Aqua-eagle Sunshine chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
I like the first verse and how the theme of wishing runs all the way through...wishing it was rain and not tears and then in the second verse wishing for love. I liked the idea of teh narrator being so distraught about the love not being real that they actually sort of wish they didn't know or hadn't realised.

I liked the way you ended it, the finishing line made the whole thing for me, it summed the whole thing up. I also liked the line 'meant for theatre, performed alone." Great tone and order.

Overall I enjoyed reading it.
ArekuKawaii chapter 1 . 5/15/2009
I like the emotions in this poem because they are shown with good imagery. However, I think a few of the lines break the flow of the poem because the first longer line is a little out of place.

Otherwise, like the poem, keep up with the writing.