Reviews for Liberation Girl
invidious chapter 3 . 4/14/2010
I am SO HAPPY that you're adding to this story. I'm such a sucker for sci-fi, and good ones come few and far between.

Lysandra is the ultimate heroine! She's got a lot of stuff to deal with, but she'll come through. :)

Time travel is super trippy. I love it.
DevonnyAuriel chapter 3 . 4/14/2010
So not boring, trust me, I love this story, and I'm SO happy you decided to write more. Yay! I love it. Not to mention, the romance starts afresh which makes it more fun. I know that they do get together in the future, but as for the now, who knows? It's so fun. I can't wait.

Is Lysandra Greek by the way? It sounds like a Greek name. It's an interesting idea, one of my favorites, because you wouldn't think of the Greeks being the main rulers in the future, really, but I love reading the old mythology and history of them, it's fun to see it come around again.
mirrored-antiquity chapter 3 . 4/12/2010
jerz you are too hard on yourself, this was absolutely lovely! (this is sue btw in my millions of FP accounts) OKAY. But you have to write more. Because this story needs to be told. Also, do you ever get this feeling that your characters are stuck in a room and you have no idea how to get them out. This is my main problem in writing lol. It's like that book or play the "Exit" where people are stuck in this room and they have no way to get out and in the end it turns out they are in hell. Usually I just have someone crash through the walls.
blak pearl chapter 3 . 4/11/2010
You are silly. :) This story is neither long nor boring, and every time I get to the end of a chapter I just keep screaming in my head BUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? I re-read it from the beginning, and I love how you've fleshed out Lysa's character, AND the entire story so much! Her slow disillusionment with her position and the way the Empire is run works well, and the development of the relationship between her and Alexei is gorgeous. I love the name Alexei by the way. I don't remember Anker from an earlier version, but I love to hate him. What a creepy McCreep. Every time he touches Lysa I squirm. I hope he goes to jail for the rest of his life, and that he's still rotting in a cell after he dies, the scumbag. But question- if they're living in such a scientifically advanced society, wouldn't they know that marrying your cousin is a fast-track to genetic mutation or whatever happens when you keep it in the family? I want to say more but my brain is not working... but um, KEEP GOING! Even if it takes a while. I want to see Lysa's trial, and I want to see what happens with they get rid of Anker for good, and how they save the empire. Not that I'm being demanding or anything.
IndigoSkies chapter 3 . 4/11/2010
In contrast,I think your story is really quite 's never a filler moment that talks much about fact,the past chapters have been enrapturing and characters are realistic and well-written,and the romance between Lysa and Alexei is subtle but use of the future and the past is also brilliant.I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Kate Marshall chapter 3 . 4/11/2010
I'm just a big fan. BIG FAN. So no matter how many "really long and boring adventures of Lysandra" you may post (if any) I'll be sure to read them. :D
brittle hearts chapter 3 . 4/10/2010
You wouldn't believe how delighted when I received the alert that you'd updated this! I've always felt that this universe you created had so much potential, and I'm really glad that you're adding more to the original two-shot.

I felt a pang of sadness for Lysa when she chopped off her hair, but it was really in line with the whole theme of your story - the whole change and liberation thing. Also, I was waiting eagerly for Alexei's appearance throughout the entire chapter and was not disappointed. :D Sonya is such a darling too, I would love to have her as a friend.

Just a note though: in the third last paragraph, I think you mixed up Anker and Alexei? You might have already edited it though, since I know it takes a while for edits to appear.
DevonnyAuriel chapter 2 . 2/12/2010
I was checking up on you because I knew you finished Talia awhile ago and came across this little glorious bit of fiction. Loved it! It was short, and I do really want more, but at the same time I liked how compact it was. You got the story across in a very short burst of words. I especially loved the way she realized she did trust him, with the kiss, because it was a very sweet way to show that they loved each other. Very good. If you ever feel like writing more, you know...I'd totally dig it. But if not, I am content.
invidious chapter 1 . 11/23/2009
I fav-ed this a long time ago, but i just wanted to mention how MUCH i enjoyed this story! i'm a sucker for sci-fi stuff and you don't see too much good ones around.

i loved that you've made lysa such a strong heroine to the story, and how there's just a tad of romance at the end, enough to give us all hope that everything will turn out to be alright. also, it was def. interesting how you portrayed time traveling as almost a talent- i never thought of it like that.
lookingwest chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
Okay, first, sorry for the delay associated with my review. Second- you've been to Vermillion, really? That's awesome! I go to school in Verm, my hometown is only twenty minutes away, and The Black Hills rock!

And now the delayed review that should have been yesterday:

Okay first, I really like how immersed you are in this world, it's amazing because you really act like you know everything about the times, I found the insertion of the Avian flu and typhoid great details. The immersion with your characters is a great start too, you make them relatable in a times we can't really relate to. Juxtaposing the unknown future and past with the known, such as structured education, is a great way to ground the reader.

As far as grammar, I noticed nothing, but then again I'm not the best with that. I found it easy to follow because of your syntax, your sentence structure flows easy too, it's very traditional but there weren't hardly any awkward sentences. I enjoyed how you focused on the hardships of shifting time too, that would totally suck, and Lysa seems the perfect candidate for such a challenge.

Off topic of the review game again, but I'm totally taking a class on Women In Russia, and thought the beginning part with the Russians was bad-a, haha, especially Natalya.
Zaarah chapter 1 . 10/26/2009
I love your story. The descriptions are excellent and have you wanting more. You're a fab writer. Looking forward to reading more of your work )Good job overall.
Red Warden chapter 2 . 9/16/2009
Really interesting story. It’s so cool to see how Lysa becomes independent. I also love how at the start people basically think she is useless and then at the end she becomes one of the heads of the rebellion. Do you think you will write anymore about Lysa?
Brenda Agaro chapter 2 . 9/13/2009
A beautiful story. First off, I like the main character Lysandra. The way you described her was realistic - she can travel through time, but has her flaws. I like the friendship between her and Maxine, and even the romance between her and Alexei. You didn't overdo it in describing him kidnapping and chaining, since he has reasons behind his actions.

I'm a sucker for time travel stories, and it's hard for me to find good ones, either on this site or officially published. In my opinion, this is one of the best ones I've read in the sub genre. You managed to have Time as a significance in this story, rather than just some cheap plot device thrown in for kicks. Very impressive.

Overall, this is well written. It's sad, captivating, and memorable. I wish I could say more, but honestly, there's not much for me to critique on. Great job! :D

If there's a suggestion/criticism that you disagree with, you have the right as the writer of this story to not go with it.



Part I: The Runaway:

{Anker, her eldest cousin and a lieutenant colonol, approached her first.} I could be wrong, but I think "colonol" should be "colonel."

{But the room became quickly surrounded and Lysa realized there was no where to run.} I think "no where" should be "nowhere."

{She screamed when she noticed heavy-set man creeping up behind her, but he cut the distance between them and hit his gun against her head.} I believe "a" should be between "noticed" and "heavy-set."

{She was such a spoiled brat.} This could be dropped. You can leave it, but the sentence before it shows this.

{She tried to hold the needle but her left hand was shaking uncontrollably, probably because of the blood loss.} I believe there should be a comma after "needle."

{Her left hand was shaking badly but she managed to close herself in and then tied the straps around her torso.} A comma after "badly."

{She had lead them here, she realized, her heart sinking.} I think "lead" should be "led."

{Lysa groaned; this wasn't nearly as easy as a daytrip with trained professionals monitering her.} Even though "monitering" could be correct, it still feels like it could be "monitoring."

{"Say, have there been any cases of typhoid lately? Do you think the water is safe to drink?" Lysa asked, trying to keep her voice casual though her heart pounding with concern.} I believe "was" should be between "heart" and "pounding."

{Lysa wasn't particularly sporty but she enjoyed running, and she kept up this habit by joining the school's track-and-field team.} A comma after "sporty."

Part II: The Traitor:

{She was not a prisoner, and she would not be captured and controlled, not by Time and certainly not by this upstart Russian.} I believe there should be a comma after "Time." I like how Time is capitalized - good personification.

{He lead her into the parking lot and made her take a seat next to him.} "lead" should be "led."

{She felt queasy but took deep breaths to try and ignore the sick feeling in her stomach.} A comma after "queasy."

{It was dark, but his voice sounded giddy and Lysa imagined he was smiling.} A comma after "giddy."

{He hadn't even seen it coming.} You can leave it, but the previous sentence, and even what the says before it happened, shows this.

{She hesitated for a moment and then approached him, gently picking off the glass shards near his face and noting with some dismay that he would be needing stitches.} A comma after "his face."

{Strapping herself into the Machine, she turned the dial carelessly, not worrying about where she ended up so long as she was sufficiently in the future and out of Alexei's reach.} I believe there should be a comma after "ended up."

{No doubt they had plenty of time to build up stores medicines, but they hadn't.} "stores medicines" confused me. Maybe there should be a "of" or "for" between the words? (Correct me if I'm wrong.)

{Alexei undid her seat-belt and held her under her shoulders, supporting her as he lead her towards the entrance.} "lead" should be "led."

{She was too tired to notice much of what was going on, but he explained that she had helped him build the labs along with their own version of the vaccine, so that the Empire wouldn't have a monopoly on it.} I believe there should be a comma after "the labs."

{It wasn't that she trusted him completely or that she knew how to feel about her father, but she no longer felt trapped by her own fate.} A comma after "completely."

{He lead her to the Machine, handing her a small paper bag full of drugs and supplies she would need to treat herself.} "lead" should be "led."
Kate Marshall chapter 2 . 9/13/2009
This still is so fantastic. :D I'm in love with this story, and thank you so much for sharing this piece of genius with the fiction press community. :)
smile at the sun chapter 2 . 9/11/2009
yeah, the end result doesn't exactly show what happens. but I love this. especially since we already know that she ends up confronting her father. great writing. I like Lysandra, who's a good person, and how her eyes are opened to the reality, and her time travel ability and smartness. I like Alexei, too. What a weird way to have a romance. great writing.
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