Reviews for Liberation Girl
Pen Killer chapter 2 . 9/10/2009
loved it. I think you should keep going.
ranting ah laziness chapter 2 . 9/8/2009
Hey, Writ!

You know those stories that you never want to end? Yeah, this is one of them. I read the first version, but I don't know if I reviewed or not. It might've been one of those late nights where I couldn't think clearly, or I might've been at school and unable to. Either way, both versions rocked my socks! :) This one's just fleshed out a little more.

Aw, now I want to see them succeed in taking down the Empire. Still, though, it's good where it ends-makes it more open, and now I'll have something to daydream about during Evolution when my professor drones on and on (for two hours, too! Yikes!)

I knew that Alexei liked her. And Lysa's so going to totally dethrone her father. The jerk didn't even let her see his throne room? How horrible is he?

Good to see you're back and writing! I need to jump on the wagon again. I'm guilty of spending my free time playing a game we just bought-Final Fantasy Dissidia. It gets pretty addicting. So, how was your trip? Did you do anything fun and exciting?

Pen Killer chapter 1 . 8/12/2009
...D: Oh my freaking god. You HAVE to finish this story.

I mean.

Oh my god.

by the way it's wondergirl_dv from livejournal, just so you know and...let me breathe for a second.

Okay. Words cannot express how much I love Lysa and Alexei. I really want to see their story played out in full. Also if you have ever watched the futurama movie bender's big score which plays around with time travel A LOT and sort of does what you did which is that time goes in a circular manner and that you can go back to cause another event in the future. Yes. Time travel is always hard to figure out and i had to stop in the middle of the story to make sense of what was going on haha. Still...I whole heartedly encourage you to stretch this out and finish it.
FictionismyGame chapter 1 . 7/30/2009
Col! Dude, you are really good at sci-fi. Leave us wondering a little. Leave us a little confused on just what exactly everything is. You should write more like this!
terrorofthehighway chapter 1 . 6/16/2009
Interesting concept. Could be developed more- especially at the ending.

In your Author's Note you said it was funny- but I don't see where.
MmmKayy chapter 1 . 6/11/2009
I really enjoyed this story.

I've never been one for sci-fi and I'm certainly no connoisseur on time travel stories but if I were ever to pretend to be, I would have to say this story is top notch. I like that it wasn't stuffed with futuristic terms that I couldn't begin to understand or physics terms (I cringe) that I never want to remember.

This might not be the way you meant it, but when reading this I imagined a sort of world where the streets look like present day London except the cars are ten times faster and you have to do retinal scanning to get into most private homes. I hope you don't mind.

I really loved all of your characters, especially Lysandra. She puts herself down a few times throughout the story but I think she's kind of fierce. Alexei seems perfect. I loved when she was screaming to the heavens about being an idiot and he wrapped his arms around her and agreed. I'm a little sad that this is complete but I like where you left it. Leaves something to the imagination.
C.M.F Wright chapter 1 . 5/28/2009
I really enjoyed this story! You have a fabulous hook, a temporally complex, engaging plot. Your writing flows very well - great detail! There's so much plot here that you could definitely have turned this into a much longer story, but it's so easy to follow that it works well as a short story too. I enjoyed the irony of Lysandra catching the disease she had studied for so long, and the romance, which you handled well. You have a great ending; I actually love that it ends where it does, and that it doesn't end with Lysandra freeing her world. (I like being left in doubt a little). It feels right, it feels perfect. Good job.

I feel like you could introduce the idea of time travel just a little earlier. Your world is fairly credible - it could be our world - until you introduce the virus and time travel, which are clearly not of our world. I think if there was a way to insert a mention of either one of these closer to the beginning, it would make it clearer what kind of story this was right away. It's one of the things my fic prof taught us: if you throw everything unbelievable into the story right up front, and people will accept it, but if you have your main character turn into a parrot ten pages in, they'll go wtf? Really, it's not so bad in Liberation Girl, and probably barely even worth mention.

I also wanted a bit more description of the Machine, I think. Since it sounds very cool. :)

Overall, a beautiful, fantastic piece. Excellent job!
Dot Cubed chapter 1 . 5/11/2009
So you already know how much I love this, but I'm going to tell you in a review anyway. It's also for the Review Game, which is sort of a plus.

ANYWAY. I think what I'm reading is the edited version, right? Because I don't remember Lysa's hand being so effed up in the original. I actually really like that detail. It makes the story seem more realistic, you know, like Lysa actually got an injury from what happened to her. (Although I'm not sure how realistic you can be in a story about time travel, but whatevs)

I also think you fixed the problem I had with the Machine-Lysa just turns the dial blindly and it dumps her places. And Maxine is still totally one of my favorite characters.

I also just ADORE Alexei. That last scene with them really makes me melt inside, because seriously, all guys should be like that. It's just so perfect. HE'S SO PERFECT. haha

Hmm, anything else I can mention? I feel like if I tried this review would just turn into the biggest gush to exist. Basically I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, and I love what you've done with the edited version too!
Engineer of Words chapter 1 . 5/10/2009
Oh my, this was quite the adventure. I enjoyed reading this piece immensely, it didn't feel like it spanned 90 words, really. It's nice to see a story about a princess doing un-princesslike things for a change, forgive the terminology. This makes her seem infinitely more real to the reader.

Anyway, getting to the point. Really liked how you tied science and technology into the story, although that's a given with the subject of time-travel. However, you similarly did not overcomplicate the concept, props for that.

I couldn't find anything to dislike, though. Perhaps it's because it's 4 AM or that some things may have slipped my vision, but not even a mechanical error made itself known. Very nice job, adding this to my favorites.
Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 5/9/2009
LOVE it. Could it /be/ any more perfect? It should be a sin to write something this fantastic. ;) I thoroughly enjoyed reading and the whole time/space plot, I am a sucker for. And you that pure win. I love the character you wrote because she's not perfect and has her own faults. But then we all know that's she's genius, so that's cool, too. And everything was so well-thought out and made sense and didn't contradict itself (like so many other time/space pieces).

And *sigh*, the romance was really nice. Well-written and not cheesy at all. Kudos for that. The end scene, too, was perfect. I couldn't have asked for anything better. Excuse me while I melt into a puddle of mush, it was so cute and incredibe.

So I have nothing else to say. You /know/ it was amazing. And will most definitely be a favorite. xD Thank you for posting this and sharing it with us, the undeserving masses of FP who are not worthy. :D
F. Duplaire chapter 1 . 5/8/2009
I absolutely loved this! You did an excellent job taking a common subject and making it completely unique and your own. I really enjoyed your writing style and when I came to the end of the story I wanted there to be more. Fab job! This is a really good one shot (and I usually don't read them), the characters seemed real, which is hard to do!
andeleted chapter 1 . 5/8/2009
I have to say that, usually, I can't sit in front of my monitor and stare at its screen as long as I just did.

I loved it. The characters are just so real!

The relationship between Lysa and the Machine is really intriguing, like it's a person in itself.

And I won't lie, I was absolutely giddy when Alexei kissed her. I really like that you didn't describe what the Machine looked like. Something that bizarre deserves the right to be imagined by your readers. Not that you made time travel seem bizarre in this piece. You made it seem very plausible in the way that few people successfully traveled.

I was never confused and the beginning had me eager to read the rest and, though now my eyes hurt, I'm glad I read it in one sitting.

It flows so nicely. I'd think that would be hard to do in a story centered on time travel. ie. jumping from one era to another.

I completely enjoyed this and will probably be think about it for awhile.

Grand work!
Danielle Gin chapter 1 . 5/7/2009
Review Game

Well there’s no doubt that this is an interesting idea with a new creative spin. Time travel? It’s been done. The way you’ve done it though? Brilliant! It’s so epic and realistic – none of the sappy horrible parts generally in time travel stories. Your characters really played well into the story, too. I liked that the main character, Lysandra, originally was just considered a spoilt brat and then throughout the story proved herself. It really gave the story that extra something, you know? I also couldn’t help but to adore the passion and intricacy of her relationship with Alexei. It was neat that the reader wasn’t able to fully know everything going on and what had happened between them.

I’m adding this to my favorites. It’s too good not to. You’ve done an absolutely fantastic job with this piece in every account. Great work and happy writing!
fights with fire chapter 1 . 5/7/2009
I loved it! You did a very good job developing the characters and plot without going on and on like some authors tend to do. I'll be looking into your other stories.
Le Meg chapter 1 . 5/6/2009
That was a lot of fun. The beginning wasn't exactly slow, but it was a little disorienting-though the word "Machine" and the talk about viruses are definite hints that it's some sort of alternate time line/universe, it isn't clear that it's the future until you get to the big white room and she starts talking about time travel. But after that it's pretty awesome, especially once Alexei pops back into the picture and the past/present/future time lines are all introduced.

The answer he gives to her question, "How do I know that you're telling the truth?" is pretty fabulous, lol. But I especially like the fact that you ended it where you did instead of going back to the Now or traveling "back to the future" (lol, yes! I got the reference in) and having the happy reunion. It's better this way because it's so completely unfamiliar to her and to the reader, and really emphasizes the risk involved in the travel, as well as the inherent unknowability of time, despite the fact that you can travel it.

Good stuff! :D
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