|Reviews for The Gifted|
| Lady Knight 1512 chapter 4 . 5/30/2009
Hey! I'm not too busy. Thanks for asking! Yesterday i finished the two assignments i have to hand in this week, and today i plan to get a good start on the essay i have to hand in NEXT week. Hopefully i can get that out without too much trouble, so i can do my Editing assignment in the week remaining. I'd have started it already, but our teacher doesn't think we've covered enough in class, so i have just one week to get it done. *sigh* But nevermind that.
I liked the way you changed the chapter up. The flashback you used helped sort out how John feels about Di, and you emphasised it nicely throughout the rest of the chapter.
The one thing i had a problem with was the number of times you use names in conversation. I understand that people do it to add emphasis to certain things, but i REALLY you used them TOO much in this chapter, particularly in the first flashback. There's one instance where you use John's name five times in two lines, two of those in conversation. "Di is hot!" would be much more effective without the "John" tacked on the end. Also, at the end. I don't know if Di would be wasting breath on saying John's name when she's so freaked out. Shorter, more clipped sentences would get across her fear. She can scream his name, sure, but saying it elsewhere seems unnecessary. It's just something to be aware of. I suggest reading your dialogue out loud. You'll see how funny all those names sounds.
Hope you didn't take that the wrong way. All the names just REALLY stood out in this chapter, more so than usual. I'm just trying to be helpful. I DID like the chapter though, and i can't wait to read more. :)
| Lady Knight 1512 chapter 3 . 5/18/2009
Hehe. Me again. I was deleting some of the emails that have built up over the last week (that's what happens when i have a lot to do, my poor inbox gets negleted) and found this update. AHA! I said (no, not really, but you get the idea). I have to read this too! So i did and now here i am, reviewing, though, admittedly, this is less review and more pointless ramble. Another unfortunate side effect of lots of work. My brain overworks itself and i'm left with mush for a good few days while Good Ol' Brain goes off to the Bahamas or some other such place.
One thing i particularly like about Diana is that she's one of your more developed characters. She's different and stands out because of the kind of problems she has to deal with. You build that into her life and the story well. The one thing i had an issue with here, was the state of diana and John's relationship. I couldn't figure out if she was adopted, or fostered, or not part of their family at all. That made interpretting some of the chapter a little difficult.
What i DID like though, was that Diana was sitting there, thinking that she's seeing faces that aren't really there, when a zombie walks through the door. LoL. Talk about crazy. But the logical question now is, how (or if) will she escape. I'd love to see a real physical struggle between her and zombie-man. Really get in deep and build that tension. God, now i sound like a fitness video rip-off. LoL.
Structurally, i think maybe this Diana chapter would be better placed before the Dan/Bekah one, if only because it saves having to jump back in time for Diana to wake up. You also had Bekah mention something about Diana being in the class next door last chapter. It's just something to think about. Also, i hope we'll be going back to Kayla next chapter. It would be a great way to write the story. End each section with a good amount of fear for the characters and then go into someone else so we're left wondering if they'll be ok.
*sigh* So, i've read and reviewed this now too, so i've officially caught up. There's another story that i've missed a good ten chapters of, so i might go read those too, and then get my bro from school and come back to write something of my own. I missed my characters when i was working on my assignment. It was strange, but probably a good sign.
Anyway. Have a good one and update soon.
| MerryMe2 chapter 3 . 5/14/2009
Oh, oh, so far I really like this! Please update soon, cause the suspense is unbearable!
| StrawberryKisses08 chapter 2 . 5/10/2009
:o And it begins!
I'm not sure what it was that seemed rushed exactly...I think it was just like "okay the character's here, in her car, and OH LOOK THERE'S A ZOMBIE!" I guess it was how quickly a zombie appeared that had me feeling that way. *shrugs*
Well anyway, this chapter was better, in my opinion! D Good work!
| Lady Knight 1512 chapter 2 . 5/8/2009
Huh. Interesting. Well, first off, i was pleasantly surprised to see that i recognised the first half of chapter one. Secondly, i was glad to see Dan and Bekah in chapter two, even if they WERE doing Chemistry. I remember how much hell i went through trying to reverse equations. *sigh* And you know what sucks? I finally got it...AFTER the test. Ugh. I liked that Bekah was so concerned about having to pass the semester, though, considering how bad things were about to get. Oh! And i like that you're kind of mixing all your characters together into one story. It was cool to see Diana mentioned again. I re-read 'Precious Pearls' a couple of months ago, when i had nothing else to do, and found myself enjoying it again.
Anyway. I have to say, i can understand why someone said this felt rushed. Chapter 1 had Kayla, zombie-guy and mystery man. Gee, that sounds like a superhero line-up or something. Chapter 1 was fine. Chapter 2 is where the rush occurs. One minute they're doing Chem, the next a car crashes and all of a sudden we've got a zombie attack. I had a number of issues with this.
- First, as i mentioned, the pace. VERY fast. So fast, in fact, that i was struggling to keep up with everything.
- Second, when the car crashed and all those people ran out to the car. I recall mention of someone bashing on the window, and i couldn't figure out if that was to get the person out of the car, or to attack them. If it was the latter, i have to ask, HOW did the people on the outside, know that the one on the inside was dangerous, especially if it's something as outlandish as zombies? Maybe they looked menacing, but i would have expected some doubt and caution.
- My third and final issue was with Dan. He spent a lot of time being very rational, as i would expect him to be, but then he was agreeing with Bekah about the zombies and the roof possibility, etc. I couldn't tell if he was agreeing to make her do what he wanted, or if he just agreed. I'd like to think it was the first option because i couldn't believe that someone as practical as Dan would change his way of thinking and accept that zombies exist in such a short space of time.
What i think you need, is more set-up. Keep the prologue the way it is because it makes a great hook. Chapter 1 just needs something to set up everything that is to follow.
I'm really hoping this didn't sound too waffly and that you got something out of it. I tried to be concise but maybe i didn't succeed. Let me know if you want anything more.
| StrawberryKisses08 chapter 1 . 5/8/2009
interesting start, but it seems a little rushed, I think.